Who do we REALLY believe in?
Someone asks Dov:
The second step says: "We came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity". Isn't that obvious for a frum Yid?
Sorry. It's not so simple. Take lust, for example. Do you believe in lust - or do you believe in Hashem? You will say "I believe in Hashem." And I agree. But I think you may discover that you believe in Lust, too. Why? Let's see what we do with lust: We see a pretty woman's image on the street, on paper, on the web or in our minds... We follow it - try to get as close as we can safely get to it, right? Sounds a bit like acharei Hashem teileichun? We often pay attention to the pretty women we work with more than we do to the unattractive ones. We expect something from them. We apparently trust that they can give us something that we need. That she can satisfy some need of ours. Sound like kavei el Hashem - ... lo ayachel - tzuri atoh? A healthy yid looks toward Hashem to fulfill all his needs and trusts in Him exclusively. He's got whatever we need and is our 'go-to' one for everything. (Look at the Chinuch on "Lo sachanifu" - it speaks to this, if I remember correctly.)
And when we use lust we typically hide from eyn kol by going lifnai v'lifnim and are amazed by our total focus on our quarry - especially in the act itself. Sounds like clearing the mind and having kavonoh to me - only to the wrong "higher power". There is misplaced bitachon and dependence there - but still bitachon, indeed. We often tried to escape lust by changing this or that, moving, never using that website, forgetting or swearing off that phone number or woman... but it followed us! Really, we followed it.... Anah mipanecha evrach? So many guys complain bitterly, "it's all over the place - everywhere I turn there's schmutz!" I say that they are looking for it. Period. Yes, it's all over the place, but paying all the attention they do to it makes it so much more noticeable. Why? Because it is still precious to them. (Ouch).