The Library

The Gemara in Brachos brings a contradiction between two p'sukim: one says everything is Hashem's, the other says the earth is given to mankind. Nu? As you probably know, it answers: It all belongs to Hashem - until we make a b'racha. Once we say a b'racha, it is given ...

A sober life is a life without burdens. Cuz lust is always a drag and always makes us miserable, no matter how much we feel we need it.

If things are still the same, you have to ask yourself, are you doing anything differently? Are you living the rest of your life differently in any way? I do not mean 'working with the lust/tayva vs sober/kodosh/whatever business....no! Not that at all! That part is not ...

One cannot come to know anyone else without having da'as himself, first. In other words, for a man to share yediyah with his wife there have to be deyos - tarti mashma. I cannot know her at all - much less connect with her in da'as - unless I bring my own self-accepta...

Meetings are free. Sponsors are free. G-d is free. Acting out is very expensive. Hatzlocha weighing what to do. In any case, whatever progress you have made should not be ignored. You are probably more open than ever now. Use that and build on it. If you want to work the ...

My wife and I were sitting and schmoozing last night. It was very nice, and we agreed that we need to do it more often. One of the topics we talked over was why I believe that my addiction is deadly to me. "Like, really...what do you really mean? How can you possibly be s...

Dear whatever-your-name-really-is,There are many, many frum families I have firsthand knowledge of (including my own) that were restored through recovery. The sex therapist you speak of might be a help, I do not know. I never went to one. Even though my addiction is all a...

AA, in "A vision for you" somewhere near the end teaches that "obviously you can't transmit something you haven't got" (italics mine). To me, that means that if someone is not an addict at all, the words he will try to inspire an addict with - be they Torah-truth, or not ...

Living "one day at a time" really boils down to being oseik in today's business today, and tomorrow's business tomorrow. Taking baby steps in turning our will and our lives over to His care. In other words, to start trusting that He'll make today's efforts work out right ...

L'sheim Yichud Kudsha brich Hu uS'chintei b'dechilu urechimu, hareini muchan um'zuman l'kayem mitzvos asei shel v'ohavta l'reiyacho komocha, v'nikdashti besoch b'nei Yisroel: I love Hashem. I love hisbodedus. Boruch Hashem I am sober today and have been sober one day at a...

Although I love what Hashem is doing for me since I started using the 12 steps to allow Him to do it, I sincerely believe there are many ways that Hashem can do that for his kids. Some folks clearly need a different way than the 12 steps in order to reach what the 12 st...

I don't know about you, but my yiddishkeit went through it's first serious development between the ages of 10 and 20. That was the same age during which my sexuality and dependence on schmutz and masturbation first developed. Coincidence? I think not.To me, my yiddishkeit...

Someone asks: The RAMBAM asks, who is a real baal teshuva? One who is in the very same position, same circumstances, same desire, but this time he controls himself. So let's say a person starts to have a fall (really slipping) and in the middle he stops himself, what does...

Religious people, myself included, like to say that God's law is absolute, that it transcends the subjective, arbitrary and hence fleeting quality of human law. But how do you test a thing like that? I've found a way. I call it the "Canary in the Coal Mine Phenomenon" and...

There's a nice Chazal about the fact that appreciation of a spouse is contingent upon faithfulness in the heart: "kol hanosein eynov b'mah she'eyno shelo - ma she yeish lo, notlin mimenu - whoever puts his eyes on that which is not his, even what is his they take away fr...

Someone writes on the forum Lately, I'm practicing looking at my wife and smiling for a moment. In almost nine years of marriage, it's something I've hardly ever done. It sounds like a weird thing to 'practice' - but for sick people like me... what can I say? Dov Responds...

Is your surrendering done all by your lonesome, or do you have a few choices of folks you can call to quickly do the surrender with and then move on? It is important for us to surrender together with other people - and my favorite reason for that, is quite cool: The only ...

Lust addicts have a disease called "love sickness". They are in love with every good-looking person of the opposite gender that they see. And no matter what they do to convince themselves of how empty and silly it is, it still plagues them. Their heads are often filled wi...