The Library

Part of your subject line is: "is Emunah the answer?"... nice name. Well, I am here b'Shem Hashem to say it is certainly not the answer. Having all the emunah a sefer can give you or a rebbe can teach you, is all nice - but it is not the answer for people like us. The a...

Sick Man Getting Well is sober for 8 months in SA In recovery, the goal is "Happy, Joyous and Free". Recently, while driving back from a recovery meeting, I had the good fortune of driving by an "acting out" location. As I drove past it, I noticed a frum guy leaving fro...

Our problem is not sex, but lust. And the solution is an inside job and not a behavioral one... Though only by behaving differently can we ever seem to experience any inner change at all. It is no wonder that we lust addicts will have some sex problems - heck, even many (...

It is normal to have both a need for affection and to have lust for sex! In fact, even though it is completely ossur, perhaps it is even within the realm of "normal" to have a lust for sex with someone other than your wife once in a while! The Torah's requirement is not t...

With the help of my Higher Power, I joined SA recovery in early 2009 and started to gain real sobriety and 12 step recovery in May of last year. Today I celebrated 8 months of sobriety. The most important thing I can tell ANYONE who struggles with this on a small or large...

On the mornings that I wake up in pain after a disappointing night (that it feels like resentment, sadness, or squirreliness is irrelevant - it is pain that expresses it self in whatever way. The fact that it is pain that I am experiencing is the point, as far as I am con...

I believe one of the important steps to sobriety is recognizing that we are not perfect and never will be perfect. To use Steve's moshul, we are all pickles and we won't be cucumbers anymore. But it's okay to be a pickle. Some may say it's even better. If we are aiming fo...

As far as I have seen, all the warnings about the 'badness' of lust seem quite silly. The silliest warnings of all are the religious warnings, though the moralist ones are a close second... If I was really motivated by goodness or halacha then I'd have never been in this ...

Someone wrote to us: I found one of your first posts to me 12 months ago, that's kept me thinking for all these months: "Yes, we CAN love and be loved, deeper than we could have ever imagined. We truly can find pleasure, comfort and security that we only dreamed cou...

Ever since joined GYE I've had this argument with others on the forum: "Do the number of days clean really matter?" I don't know how to fully express this, but please believe me when I say I REALLY know what I am saying. It's so hard for me to fully develop this into a co...

Someone writes to Dov: A paradox: After I have acted out, do I say to myself "your intensity in davening is just a cover up, just be normal"? But then I feel that I am being callous about the fall, which is the reason for the intensity; it is a sort of statement to HaShem...

A Bochur writes: I can't get rid of the feeling (it might be more than a feeling) that I really want to "be" with a woman! How can I go till I am married without it? It's overrated. Ha! Actually, being curious is so natural, but it's just a pity we all have to struggle s...

To someone who wrote about his intense teffilos after a fall, Dov writes: The davening being more intense I see as a part of my sickness after using lust. Not c"v to imply at all that davening with unusually much kavonoh is a bad thing in any way. It's just that in the co...

LITTLE INTRO, CRASH COURSE, reminder - This addiction is only a symptom. We use it to relieve our pain. Our pain comes from restlessness, irritability, and discontent in life. Why do we have this R.I.D? Because of our Ego. We can't accept when things don't go our way. Now...

I do not subscribe to an emphasis on consciously working toward self-esteem as a way to get out of addiction. Perhaps it is a great idea for non-addicts to help save them from getting entangled in dependency... but once I got in, working on self-esteem was like spitting i...

Dear yid, you are not alone, no matter how bad you think you have become or what horrible stuff you have done and whatever ugliness you see in your own heart at times... you are not alone. I know that Hashem is with you 100% and loves you so much that he gave you this che...

Someone asked Dov: I keep asking myself why it's so d-mn hard for me when I see a woman pass by in the street. I feel like crying every time I pass a decent looking woman, that's how painful it is for me to look away and just let go of it. Dov replies: If you try to move...

Someone wrote: I fell again last night... I have learned that my urge is sometimes too powerful. "Yosef Hatzadik" answers: You're probably gonna fall again. Why do I say this? I read it in your post. You wrote that you learnt that the urge is sometimes too powerful. As l...