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Tool 10: Extra Strong Fences - TaPhSiC Method

Part 1/7 (to see other parts of the article, click on the pages at the bottom)

by GYE (See all authors)


Click on the image above for a 40 minute shiur that explains the TaPHSiC method in detail.
Click here for the Generic Nusach for the Double-Fenced TaPHSiC Method

Tool 10: Extra Strong Fences - TaPhSiC Method

The farther we have fallen into this addiction, the more extreme measures we will need to take to break free of its clutches. TaPHSiC stands for “The Physical & Spiritual Combo” Method. (“Tafsik” also means “Stop!” in Hebrew). This tool has worked well with many Frum addicts in helping them stop these destructive behaviors completely. It may not work for high-level addicts or for people with no Yiras Shamayim, but for most frum addicts this method has worked wonders, and it has freed many people from the obsession.

We often feel like two different people. After each fall we ask ourselves, what repercussions will it take to finally stop me? Do I have any hope? How can it be that I am a frum Yid in all other areas besides for this? Do I have Yiras Shamayim - or don’t I?

Part 1: What Doesn’t Stop Us?

The first thing we need to do is to face the truth about ourselves.

“Abstract” spiritual repercussions don’t generally stop me, even though I believe that:

- This is one of the most serious aveiros.

- I am destroying my soul.

- I am creating other destructive souls.

- I am losing Siyyata Di’shmaya in all of my life (as the pasuk says, “ki yireh becha ervas davar veshav me’acharecha”).

- I am cutting off my connection with Hashem.

- I am desensitizing myself to spirituality.

- I am making it ever harder to do Teshuvah.

- It is making me feel like a hypocrite in all other Mitzvos I do.

- I am destroying the “Yesod – foundation”, of my entire spiritual structure.

- My kids and wife can likely ‘sense’ that I am not sincere in my Yiddishkeit, overall.

- These behaviors may likely spiral into worse aveiros.

- I am/will likely end up cutting myself off from the World to Come.

- Moshiach is coming soon; how will I face him?

In spite of the above, my Yiras Shamayim will generally NOT stop me from:

- Looking at shmutz

- Being Motzi Zera Livatala

- Even if I would make a shvuah to stop/avoid it, I’ll end up breaking it sooner or later; the desires are just too powerful.

Don’t feel bad that your Yiras Shamayim is not strong enough to stop you. It doesn’t mean you don’t have any. When Rav Yochanan Ben Zakai blessed his students before he died he said, "May your fear of heaven be equal to your fear of man". And his students asked him: "Rebbi, is that all?". And he answered: "Halevai!". And even Rabbi Akiva wasn’t able to stop himself when faced head-on with a powerful lust. See Kidushin 81/a where the Gemara tells how Rabbi Akiva started climbing up a tree to sin – until the Satan himself had to stop him from sinning. Imagine! This is the same Rabbi Akiva who cried ‘Shma Yisrael” with joy as they combed his flesh with iron combs! (See principle 2 of part 2 of this handbook for more on this idea).

The non-spiritual “SHORT TERM” repercussions don’t stop me either, even though:

- It makes me depressed.

- I lose time from work.

- I lose sleep.

- I lose money.

- I lose a close connection with my wife.

- I feel distant from my children.

- I don’t have time for anyone but “me”.

- My whole life revolves around my next “fix”.

- I feel like a slave to my desires.

The non-spiritual “LONG TERM” repercussions don’t stop me, even though:

- My behaviors may be found out.

- I can lose my good name.

- I can lose my job.

- I can lose my marriage.

- I can lose my children.

- My children may have a hard time with shidduchim as a result.

- My children may need therapy one day for the trauma they may go through.

- My behaviors will likely get worse.

- I can end up in jail.

- I can catch diseases.

- I can end up suicidal or dead.

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Comments (12)

  • Avraham1983
    Avraham1983 says:
    14 August 2016 at 17:07 |

    I have a question on the shiur how do I go about this

  • David64
    David64 says:
    21 April 2017 at 07:02 |

    Is there any way to download the shiur?

    • obormottel
      obormottel says:
      27 April 2017 at 07:31 |

      To download, right-click on the link above and select "Save link as" or "Save target as" (depending on your system). This will download the file to your hard drive.

      To listen to the shiur by phone, dial the playback number (857) 957-1119

      After dialing the number, put in this PIN Code: 651874#

      Then press reference number 3# to begin the shiur.

      You can fast forward or rewind 30 seconds using the number 1 and 2 on the keyboard.
      Press 5 to pause and to continue.

  • Nachman613
    Nachman613 says:
    22 May 2017 at 20:01 |

    Is there any way to listen to the 40 min shiur without internet like calling a number?

    • obormottel
      obormottel says:
      23 May 2017 at 05:59 |

      The answer is right above. Open your eyes, you're safe here;)

  • OivedElokim
    OivedElokim says:
    26 June 2017 at 18:15 |

    is a shvua b'ksav considerd a shvuah?

  • Binyomin96
    Binyomin96 says:
    12 November 2017 at 23:59 |

    How do I sign up for this?

    • obormottel
      obormottel says:
      13 November 2017 at 04:00 |

      You do it yourself, there is no sign-up.

  • Mevakesh1818
    Mevakesh1818 says:
    16 November 2017 at 00:51 |

    Is there somewhere that I can type my shvua so you can look at it to let me know if its ok and that in the future I can look at it as well and this way I dont need to have a paper lying around that others may find.

    • the.guard
      the.guard says:
      06 December 2017 at 07:04 |

      you can email it to and we will try and look over it. In terms of keeping it online, I think you should just save it in a folder in your email or in a google doc account.

  • Higiazman
    Higiazman says:
    27 April 2018 at 17:52 |

    where can i find the text (lashon) of the neder

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