Mazel Tov Jack
MAZAL TOV to our dear member Jack for reaching 90 clean days!
We added a new "Simcha Niggun" to our Music page in honor of Jack's achievement (scroll down to the 'Simcha Nigunim').
Let's put on Jack's Simcha Niggun (set it to loop) and let's dance together with Jack in our hearts! Let's lead Jack under the canopy, like a Sefer Torah, and accompany him to the WALL OF HONOR! We'll send the Yetzer hara flying with our true Simcha shel Mitzva!
When you have time, read through Jack's "90 day Log" over here. You are guaranteed to be inspired.
To all my dear brothers - warriors in arms, Jack is Mechayev us all. He is 49 years old and before he started, he hadn't had a clean day in 38 years. He suffers from low-self esteem, fear, anxiety, an abusive childhood, and constant pain (from a burst appendix in his youth that never healed properly). If Jack can do it, we all can. Like the Gemara says; "Hillel Mechayev es Ha'aniyim" (Hillel obligates paupers to learn Torah). With Jack's amazing achievement yesterday, the time for excuses has ended!
We strongly encourage all those who want to begin their journey to freedom to start a Log of their own on the "Wall of Honor" section of our forum. Currently, we have a few valiant warriors there, like PostalServico, Be-Holy and Ano-Nymous who are doing great battles against the Yetzer Hara and making great strides. Let's all do it and cheer each other on!
Here are some inspiring quotes from Jack, taken from his "90 Day Log":
On Day 16 jack wrote us:
thanks to you, my life is better. i can speak to my kids about yiddishkeit without feeling like a hypocrite. i can sing zemiros at the shabbos table without feeling guilt. i can shake the rabbis hand without saying to myself - 'if he only knew'. ok, i'm doing the work, but you are there, which makes all the difference between now and prior to now. and i feel exactly the same about elya k - he is there, with his comforting soothing, understanding, non-critical, non-judgmental voice. between you two and all the people on the forum who are rooting for me, i can pull through this struggle. i can't express in words how much i owe you. (someday, we'll meet and you'll know who you helped).
On Day 22 Jack wrote:
dear all, in today's yom, it says 'Hashem knows the thoughts of man that they are HEVEL. this brought to mind a beautiful vort on koheles. it says there that everything is hevel. why is it important for us to know this? because we have to look at the things that Hashem made forbidden to us - that they are hevel. in other words, don't feel so bad that they are forbidden to you, because they are hevel anyway. if hashem didn't let you have something that was really wonderful, that would be a reason to complain. But He didn't do that. He only made osur to us things that are really bad for us, so don't feel bad about this and don't complain!
by the way, have all of you gotten on that weekly phone call yet? have you spoken with elya k. yet? if not, what are you waiting for? you can't do this by yourself - it's too hard. you need caring fellow Jews who are willing to listen to you, understand you, and are willing to go out of their way to help you - like elya k and guard. So get on that phone and start the healing!
On Day 31 jack wrote:
Today is my 31st day. This is the most difficult battle that i have ever undertaken voluntarily. and i couldn't do it without the phone support. if you are trying this on your own, maybe the forum is enough for you. but, for me, i need the phone support - the withdrawal symptoms are too strong - i need to unload on a human being who is there for me and will listen. did you ever see a drug addict coming off drugs? (i can only imagine) what it's like. well, what i have is not a chemical dependency, but the withdrawal symptoms are (i can only imagine) just as powerful, and i need a support person to listen to me scream and cry it out of my system. i don't know how long i will need this, but the people are there for me, and that's how I'm doing it. and that's what changed from the past 38 years, when i always wanted to stop, but couldn't. the withdrawal was just too much to bear alone. but now, i have a new family, and that's what's doing it for me, plain and simple. Jack
On Day 52 jack wrote:
You know what we sang this simchas torah? we sang baruch elokeinu shebaranu lechvodo VEHEEVDELANU MEEN HATOIM - WE ARE separate from those that are mistaken!! Hashem separated us from them!! you know what else we sang? ashreinu mah tov chelkainu - how good is our portion!! No one in shul could know what my kavanos were at the times we were singing that - but everyone here knows. It's the first clean simchas torah in my life! I'm feeling so much better at not having to hide from my friends, my rabbi, my chevrusas, my wife, my kids, my work colleagues, who else? anybody on the street who, when they see me, think i 'm a religious jew. but now, i dont have to hide, and it makes life so much better.
Don't we know halacha is for our benefit?? G-d cares for us, and he wants us to do the what's good for us - uvacharta bachaim - choose life, He says in the TORAH. but we have bechirah, and this is the only way that life can make any sense. because without the struggle, there can be no reward.
So, everybody, fight on, and enjoy the results, because this IS what Hashem wanted, and wants for us.
On Day 72 Jack wrote:
I went to therapy 22 years ago. i had a genius of a therapist who was able to explain to me what my parents had done to me. This took 2 1/2 years. after this, i knew the work was still to be done - the therapy only served to enlighten me on what my life was all about - and enlighten it did! i then 'stumbled' across a group of people running an exercise class for Jews where the people there were much like the people on this site - willing to help a fellow Jew in need, like i was. i wasn't criticized, although i was one of the slowest progressors in the group. my self esteem and self-confidence were lowwww. they helped me build it up. this took me 20-25 years. my self-confidence is still not that great, but it's way more than it was before i started therapy. The porn was ALWAYS there, it 'helped' me feel happy, although temporarily. i would need a 'fix' every so often, just like a drug addiction. of course i knew it was wrong, but it was what i 'needed'. Then for one short second, this site popped up in yeshivaworld.com, and i quickly copied down the URL. that was about 2 1/2 months ago. i was lucky in my life to have 'chanced upon' the people who helped me, and when i found them, i didn't let go. There are so few people like guard, and the others here, that when i saw what was going on here, i knew that i had finally found the help i needed. i started out life very rough, with a traumatic childhood, a holocaust survivor father who was brutal to me, and a very tough young adulthood, but then, 'somehow', i met all the right people. You on this forum have also met the right people, don't let them go, and join that phone group!!! you cant do it alone, it's too powerful a force! this man guard is standing at the top of the mountain pulling us all up - don't you see that?? but, who is pulling HIM up?? I think Hashem gave him special kochos that he has chosen to use for the greater good. But i think that rabbi Twerski is HIS inspiration, and who is rabbi Twerski's inspiration? Years and years of proper mesorah stretching all the way back to avrohom aveenu. Just read rabbi Twerski's books about living each day, etc, and you can see the wisdom of life that he has, and he has also has chosen to use HIS special kochos for the good of klal yisroel. i wish all my friends out there hatzlacha raba from the depths of my heart.
On Day 77 jack wrote:
As you may know, the issues i am discussing with you and Elya are much more than just the addiction - it is a matter of finding satisfaction in the things i do so i don't need non-kosher forms of satisfaction, which is all i knew up till now. Now, learning this at 49 is pretty late, most people have it already much much younger. me and Elya talk about these deep issues every week. Elya can relate to my feelings of low self-esteem because he comes from the same place. As i said, if i am successful, i will find out much more than just how to control the addiction. We are discussing the essentials of a happy life here.
Get the whiskey ready for day 90!