Tuesday, 17 April 2012

Just look at today

by Ano-nymous, Getting Help (See all authors)

Many people are accomplishing great feats of Teshuvah and turning their lives around on the GUE network B"H. And we can all watch this happening LIVE on our forum every day! Here are some recent inspiring posts (edited for clarity):

 

"Ano-Nymous" (a Bachur) writes:

Today is a month!! I understand now why it gets so much easier. Unlike the drive for food and drink, this drive doesn't NEED to be fed in order to stay healthy and happy (of course the YH tries to convince you that it does need to be fed). The less you feed it, the less you need it.

Before I started working on this I wasn't davening with a Minyan very often. With Maariv tonight though, that will be 9 straight tefilos with a minyan!

Whenever a bad thought comes in, I think of an image of a beautiful waterfall, and the bad images leave immediately. I'm working on not staring in the streets. A couple of times I had to literally tear my head away. This is so hard sometimes that it hurts me to do it. But stopping the other behaviors is not nearly as hard as I thought it would be. The YH tricks you by getting you to look into the future. He says "look how much you enjoy this! How are you going to go without this for such a long time?". He used this to keep me from seriously trying to stop for years, but now I just look at today. And I also look backwards and see how far I've come. But I try not to look ahead at the difficulty. I only look forward to the milestones. Trying to imagine how hard it will be for the next 60 days is like looking down from atop a tightrope. You will fall and severely hurt yourself. So, DON'T LOOK DOWN! Just look at today.


Here are three inspiring posts by "getting help":

I feel so relived to finally get the help I need. I am excited that I am slowly getting there, to a place where I can feel really feel positive about my entire life. For over 30 yrs I have been a slave to porn and other unhealthy things. To say that I am really making big strides in overcoming this, is such a comfort. I want it all, the happy family, the great relationship with my wife and kids, success at work, spiritual growth and a special closeness to Hashem. Yes, I know it is all possible now!

 

Thank G_D I have made it thru this day. I was tested, but usually I would get lost in hours of hours of internet porn, instead I went here to post my thoughts. It is truly amazing how much I can get lost in escaping to the internet, and for what? The feeling of despair and self loathing is so not worth it. I hope I have the strength to do this on a daily basis. Getting clean and feeling better are feelings that I can take home with me, rather than the guilt I used to take home when I would spend hours online. Whew, what an eye opening day!!!!

 

Made it to day 7!!! I have installed a K9 filter which is quite good. I am finally starting to feel deserving of Hashem's mercy and chessed. I am so much more relaxed and calm. For some strange reason, this being my first week, I feel very accomplished and closer to myself. I know that the future probably has many pitfalls waiting for me, but B"H I have my Rebbe, my Doctor and this site to get the help I need. The desire to still get online and surf from site to site is still really strong. But it is overwhelming to think how much the y'h can seduce me into soiling my neshama, even at the risk of losing it all - my wife, kids, job, friends. Never do I want to be so low again. I am starting to feel clean and healthy for the first time. The fact that I am laying the foundation to a pure and clean life is such an amazing inspiration for me. I never realized that by keeping away from this garbage I can feel so good about myself. I guess the way I am thinking and acting recently has enabled me to be a proper and clean "kli" to accept Hashems help.


Here I am on day 24, may Hashem fill all of our hearts with love. I went to Karlin Stolin this Shabbos morning for davening. They don't sing but they do scream for pesukei d'zimra. It was amazing, I was almost sweating - "nishmas kol chai" was so real! We are like malachim people. If we believe we can do it, we will. R' Zvi Meir says that the problem today is that nobody has any goals anymore!! This web site helps up reach our goals. A friend told me a good saying: "A goy hopes, a Jew believes!". Believe that Hashem wants to test us only in order to give us schar (reward).

 

I feel Hashem is testing me from all sides, but if we do not work to get holy eyes, how will we ever see Kedusha? Like we daven every day, "v'sechazena eneinu" our eyes will see Hashem's return to tzion, but will impure eyes see??? No they won't- but a promise from Rebbe Zvi Meir is that if someone is working on an avodah now -even if they have not obtained it yet- when moshiach comes they will be mashlim (complete) that avodah. Let us all bring ourselves together - we must daven for each other. Let's thank hashem for everything he gives up - see the miracles of health, wife, children, ect... then we can thank Hashem and ask that we be able to serve him wholeheartedly. He will listen!

 

Day 25 - be strong! We must believe we are being tested. We have energy but it was misused.. Do not fall at the first hurdle!! Keep going- Hashem has great things in store for us in this generation, that's why the y"h is on high alert. Imagine you are the battle chief, talk to your generals and commanders. Look them in the eye and say "we are headed for hard times but there is light at the end of the tunnel". Explain to them the reward and satisfaction they will receive when we get to the other side. I really mean this. Do it during davening. Speak to yourself, but let Hashem listen. He is the King and you are his general. All the powers of the world are at your command, they really are. Look your self in the mirror for two minutes and tell your eyes and soul "we will not fall today".

In avodas Hashem, all we need to do is want and try and Hashem opens the heavens. Today, day 25, I need extra help - my internet is not guarded (having trouble with my filter), my wife is sick, and there are other things triggering me, I want to act out and get back to what I always considered my "comfort zone". But be'ezras Hashem I will take that fire of desire that is in me and give it to Hashem. And hopefully at the end of the day I will post again and laugh at this post. I am so close to falling, but let's try just once when we feel we are going to fall, to go that extra mile. I believe we will be laughing at the end of the day that we even considered giving our loneliness to porn - because today my love and loneliness goes to Hashem.

I tell myself, just as a test, daven with the fire- learn with fire, greet and treat everyone with fire. This will change the "Aish" of the ruach tumah to a "Aish" of ruach tehara- b"h. WE WILL SUCEED!!! Chaunka is coming- let's get ready, starting today.


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