During Slichos, I struggled a bit with reconciling a positive frame of mind with emotion about how bad I've been. Everybody here (on the forum) was helpful in me getting past that. Thank you.
Rosh Hashana was good, I focused on being Mamlich Hashem as one should.
But I wasn't sure where I was going regarding Yom Kippur. I had plenty to ask forgiveness on, however I was also going in to Yom Kippur with a 45 day streak behind me B'H. I always try to bring myself to tears as one should, but I was really feeling that I had already put into place the things that I planned on working on this year.
So I began davening, went through Kol Nidrei, started Maariv and I reached the words in Shemona Esrai of "Somaych Noflim - He supports those who fall".
And I thought of falls.
And I thought of GYE.
And I thought of the feelings that come with a fall.
The darkness
The despair
The depression
The blackness
The guilt
The numbness.
And then I thought of Hashem, Who is Somaych Noflim.
He lifts us up after a fall,
puts us back on the right path,
and gives us the strength to continue.
And I started crying.