sytv2002 wrote on 18 Apr 2025 05:16:

GYE can help a bit with the loneliness... to share with some people who understand, who can relate. To get some of the burden off your chest... 
Hang on - the sun is rising, it's gonna be a beautiful day .

Chaim

Hey, I really understand the struggle. The feeling of thinking you are doing great then out of no where the yetzer hara just gets you is devastating. 

You have to remember that all the effort was not in vain and a 14 day streak is seriously impressive. Im in awe.
I know the feeling of "how can i be frum if i do this"- you are normal and have a yetzer hara.

Would love to discuss tactics, etc if you are down?

Thank you Thank you Reb Chaim. It literally warms my heart to know I have your support. 

I really need to think about this and get in touch with myself. It could be the loneliness. I’m in shidduchim and it hasn’t been easy. That’s a lonely feeling. It could be anxiety, with the fear of not finding my Eishes Chayil. Those are also reasons I use to justify my actions. “I’m not dating anyone so who really cares that I’m acting out”. Of course, I know that the thought is irrational, as if if I were dating someone I’d not act out. I was dating and still acted out. Iyh the next time I’m busy I won’t be acting out. Boredom does trigger the “urge to trigger an urge”. It could be a number of things, and it’s a whole new fight to get into. As if one fight wasn’t enough…

Chance? I’m so curious as to what was the incredible hasgacha pratis that brought you here.

My opinion is that Hashem loves you and is showing you a light to the end of the tunnel! I myself haven’t reached that light but it’s really nice to be part of this community. No judgement, no shame; just love, and encouragement. One would think that would help with the aspect of loneliness right?

Hey! First off, you’re a tzaddik. And the fact that you hold yourself to such high standards is because deep down you know how big of a tzaddik you are! Please be nice to yourself! You’re doing great! I’m over here trying to just get to 3 days straight, let alone 8! Part of my journey has been learning to speak nicer to myself. Yes I’m unhappy with my actions, yes I call myself names. But I stop myself and focus on how to be better. What’s my next step. How will I be better. Just yesterday I fell and was harsh on myself. But I implemented something new and it worked! I was clean today! Chasdei Hashem! Those are just my thoughts. Love yourself!!!

Day 2 
Still going strong. What helped today was just keeping myself busy, learned a lot, spent time with family, and then at night when I normally get urges I went out with one of my friends. All in all a good day but I’m not getting relaxed because I know that the hard days are soon to come. Still working on certain techniques but Beezrat Hashem they should be successful. 

Dear choshuveh tayerih baalhabos! welcome! I feel for you, here you are a very successful good person bh, and you have no clue why in the world you are doing this! here's the news dear buddy, in todays world it doesn't take much to act out, it's a inborn desire which if we don't wire it correctly it makes so much sense that we will act on it each in their own way, nebach for some this does mean in person........ so you are a very normal and regular good great person who does many great things with their life, and yes you also have a struggle with these inyanim.

Here's the good news, it's not that hard to get past it! really! many people have bh moved past it! please do yourself a favor and reach out to some of the great mentors here.

p.s. @eerie is great!!!

wishing you success in this as well, all the best from the mir.

It has been a few years since I have been clean for 90 days straight( I did it once when I was single). I know I have been capable to accomplish this feat, and I am attempting to get back "there" again and stay there. Still uncertain though cuz have said this line to myself 100s of times and have not gotten "too far". I have good filters. Google maps images is getting to me out of desperation. But this is my first time taking the initiative and time to start a thread (have contemplated doing this for some time now). Hopefully this time will be it! All feedback (tips, suggestions)  appreciated! Crew we are ready for takeoff!!

Since I'm able to copy/paste, I'm posting the post for the bochur under username "littleman". He wrote in introducing yourself:

"Hello. If you take the patience to read this,  thank you in advance.
I am a bachur in my low twenties. I'm kind of an interesting case being that I struggle with ABDL (adult baby diaper lover) mainly just DL though. BH I do not struggle with porn. I really just need some guidance on this topic, because I know it's not really a ideal to do, but I still want to do it. I'm not really sure what the path is. And do I need to go to a therapist about this or will it just go away over time?
So if you have any experience in this topic I am definitely very interested in trying to learn about this. Thank you so much."

sorry

 

.

Hey chaver.

Thank you for sharing. Sounds like some heavy thoughts weighing you down.

Just a suggestion. It sounds like you've made serious lifestyle changes and put in significant work to get to a good place.

That's awesome! You need to recognize you've done amazing things.

But it also sounds like there are some really powerful tools the gang here recommends that you may not be using. Tools such as 1) an accountability partner you can speak to and be really honest with about your status. 2) a mentor you can do the same with. 3) learning to reframe this struggle as a positive opportunity to come close to Hashem (reading the book "the battle of the generation (link below) is a good place to start in on that.)

Hatzlacha and keep up the good work!

The first lesson of GYE is that you are shocking. Shockingly normal that is.

I guarantee you that there is someone on here who's struggled in the exact same way. But besides that. What you learn on GYE is that there are so many good, frum, righteous, people who are just like you and they also struggle with lust driving them to do things that just don't make sense.

Not to say that is a good thing. But it's a normal thing.

And the second and perhaps the greatest lesson is that those people who are just like you were able to get help and to stop doing those things.

Welcome! Stick around, post, connect, reach out, get honest, get help, get real, and get clean. Hatzlacha and keep on truckin'!!

I have a cold, so everything takes longer and my nose hurts. didn't do anything today just slept in and relaxed the whole day, finally went for a walk at 5 oclock just to get outside. But i did have a nice conversation with a GYE friend about dealing with frustration which is something we both struggle with. an Idea that came out was that there are really 2 things to work on, 1) not responding to pain and discomfort with frustration and anger, and learning how to properly communicate in these situations. I honestly struggle finding a way to tell my wife and family members that they're being retarded and hurting me with their words.
Still feeling a bit lost on this whole sugyah but, oh well, part of life is confusion.
I'm still struggling with whether to give up this whole fight and just live a life of chasing lust. it actually sounds very depressing when i think about it. I just don't have a lot of life satisfaction right now and many days are filled with pain and frustration. I don't see the beauty in living a clean life. I've slowly cut out all my escape methods and now just walk around regretting the decisions I made. 
I think I have to go back to choice theory, it's up to me. no one is forcing me not to watch movies, noe one is forcing me not to drink, and no one is forcing me not to watch porn. Hashem gave me bechirah and part of being human is having the ability to choose to do things, thats part of the gadlus ha'adam (I think).
So right now I made it basically impossible for me to watch movies or watch porn, not literally impossible but basically. so am I really choosing not to act out and consume lust or escape, or did I just set things up that I can't leading to frustration and feelings of being trapped. And which is better?
Is it better to have the ability to access porn and escape methods and therefore face more of a challenge (pbviously with some filters in the way so you don't have easy access and can stop yourself in times of weakness and also so you don't get triggered unneccesarily) or is it better to have ironclad systems in place that no matter what you are unable to watch porn or masturbate or watch movies (I'm imagining basically an ankle bracelet and a bodygaurd who follows you everywhere even into the bathroom)?
I assume the first option is better honestly and maybe I just have to be real with myself about whether I have access and whether I'm just choosing not to pursue it. Really I could go into a store buy a cheap smartphone and a repaid plan and have pornography in all of 10 minutes, but I choose not to. with movies it's a bit more complicated. I'm not willing to pay $200 for a couple hours of relaxing distraction but I don't really consider it free choice. 
I don't know a bit to much philosophy for me.
Bottom line is I want to stop, i want to live a clean life full of satisfaction and accomplishment. I need to find the satisfaction in my life right now embedded in this battle and continuing to function (albeit on a low level) despite putting tremendous kochos into this battle and my personal therapy work, as well as talking to the people who were in the same situation I am in now and found freedom and happiness in life.

Blocking the whatsapp and access is a great first step.
But burying this specific episode in the past as an isolated incident and moving on may not be the wisest course. After all, if this episode just took place, you may not have your lust issue as "under control" as you have thought...

You came here tonight and used the shock and grief that you're now experiencing as a springboard to reach out and start posting! That's a huge first step towards a whole new life of freedom. I'll echo what my friends are suggesting, take the next step and reach out to a mentor, when you're ready... 

You deserve to taste what life can be like without this problem.