Stealing a moment for a quick check in.

Slow work day and my boss is out of town. Very very grateful that my boss was aware of how slow it would be and let me "work from home" for the day. I woulda felt really dumb spending a whole day on porn in middle of Elul. 

Seeing that Hashem gave me the "lite" version of the nisayon gave me the boost to make the right decision and head to shul in the morning and not sit by the computer. 

A tale of three days off.

Following up on the optimistic post higher up on my thread, things didn't continue so well.
So it turned out I was mostly off for three days this week. The first day, I went to learn and did very well. The only flaw was spending an hour or so killing time online. The second day, I didn't make it out to learn and spent most of the morning killing time online that devolved to a bit of filter poking. Not great. The third day, I saw down to spend most of the day watching porn. Very bad.

Funny how the slide is so visible.

Feeling very tired of this. Tired of the struggle to use my time properly. Tired of the pull that shleps me from time wasting to porn. Tired of failing to control my eyes and having it pull me down into deeper lust. Tired of using everything I possibly can to distract myself from life. 

3 cents. You seem to live in a binary world. If consciously deciding to waste time with an unproductive activity for 3 days straight saves you from porn isn't that better than forcing yourself to learn day 1 and porning the others?