Mikegtoday wrote on 05 Oct 2021 10:42:

You are not the first, nor the last, to question the mesorah because of this type of thing. IMHO, it's a valid kashya. I am aware amny will say, "but look at the majority," but I'm not sure that's enough.

For me, these types of things have pushed me to more learning and more self reliance. 

I feel very much for you. i can't imagine the pain you are going through.
I really relate with what your going through. I am depressed for over a year and am addicted to porn. I thought i was the only one with these two really-hard challenges, as my deppression is one of the causes to my addiction.  also just started out with a new therapist.
I hope to recieve some love here, cause i lack some self-love...
Keep strong buddy together with all of us.

I witnessed A very respected  Yeshiva guy be intimate with 1 person  ( high schooler) and abuse many others emotionally. I later found out that he was actually intimate with over 10 high schoolers.

At the time, I was not sure what do what when I witnessed what I saw, my concern was ​telling the right person and that this person should be helped and kids saved.

​After a few months, as a saw the issue getting worse, I decided to talk to one of the most respected people in the yeshiva. He said and I quote "if there are no witnesses other then just you then there is nothing I can do about it, and he also challenged the validity of my story, as I mentioned it was a very respected Yeshiva guy who was doing this ( I did not say the name, as I felt  only to do so if he asked).

This Yeshiva guy was aware that I knew something was wrong, and to protect his name he made up lies and stories about me. He was very smart and manipulative, and realized that if he can get others to question me he would survive.  

I went to therapists during this time, and to my dismay they did not believe me because the Rabbis did not believe me. It was so lonely, 
so sad, angry, confused and lost basic trust. 

Fast forward - the truth did come out, and he was intimate with a few High schoolers, and over 50 campers and teens felt emotionally abused and many left Yiddishkeit. 

​It was real bothersome and become clear that other rebbbeim also knew and saw very similar behavior but decided for their own benefit of staying away and not getting involved ... 

I began to question mesorah. If because of bias these people who were teaching me about gd, could not see what was very clear to them how could I believe their teaching about gd?  Maybe this too was taught with much bias??

I believe this anger, resentment, and feeling soo alone has triggered my addiction. I so much want to let go and forgive, but the remnants of this period of time keep on effecting me and triggering feelings which then increase and enable my need for connection/my addiction ...  

No Mask wrote on 04 Oct 2021 20:17:

Just saying, unless you are really stuck (with or without using the word "addict") doing something "really big" will do more harm than good. They say it's like giving chemo for a cold, way too much information. 

I get the feeling of wanting to blow up this up until there is nothing left but that's not always the best idea. If you want to do something powerful, pick up the phone and call a GYE friend or mentor. If you've done that already and keep it up, then wait patiently, put in the work and if things don't progress over time (a few months) then you can start exploring other options. You have to have patience, you wont overcome in one week what you spent years and years building up. 

Therapy is another thing to consider probably before SA, but that is debatable. 

Wilnevergiveup 

Hello. Depression and addiction to masturbation. I got divorced and I can't even see my kids because I have been a basket case, my ex wife does not trust me with my kids. Recently I had to call a crisis hotline and then went to an ER to make sure I would not end my life. That day I decided that I must change and signed up for sexaholics anonymous. I have been dealing with this for decades and I am satisfied that SA is necessary for someone with my particular problems.

I hope to receive and give some love and support here, and make some friends.

After a lifetime building, I lost everything, but I also found everything I needed, to be honest.

Zedj wrote on 30 Sep 2021 14:14:

As I'm reading your post, I am trying to imagine the pain... Unimaginable. 
In SMART recovery* we believe that if we learn from the fall then it's only considered a lapse, not a relapse.

Please try to focus on your amazing 353 cumulative days!

(* a lapse is also known as a slip: when an individual in recovery reverts to acting out and stops again within a short time. The almost immediate retraction helps a person to avoid falling back into addiction once again, but a lapse can feel like a setback in recovery even if the person regains sobriety. A lapse can be a productive reminder that you have to remain dedicated to recovery.)

Welcome!
The opposite of addiction is not sobriety - it's CONNECTION. Addiction thrives on isolation! Please try to find someone that you can share your pain and struggles with. And it's also great to have this great GYE community who can cheer you on and celebrate your both big and small wins with you!

We need to keep on internalizing the fact that change / recovery is not easy and it can be very painful. The definition of Hitting "rock bottom" is the point at which being actively addicted is MORE painful than the pain of change - at this point, change becomes the logical next step.

We all have seemingly legitimate excuses and we all have rationalizations. Taking responsibility means that NO MATTER WHAT, - The buck stops by me!! If I won't stand up for myself, no one else will. But the way to win is not by fighting on our own, you need to connect with someone. The opposite of addiction is not sobriety - it's CONNECTION. Addiction thrives on isolation! Find someone that you can share your pain and struggles with. And finally, have someone who can cheer you on and celebrate your both big and small wins with you!

Another important point is that you need to be proactive. As they say, "If you fail to plan - you plan to fail". The yetzer horah rarely tries to fight us when we're doing well, he looks for opportunities when we're down and out or caught off guard. When we are tired, moody or stressed.... 

And as we all know but we need to keep on repeating, we need to take the journey one day at a time. You might have times of sheer elation, times of utter frustration and times of vulnerability when you’ll think that all your success might evaporate.  

OivedElokim wrote on 20 Sep 2021 00:33:

Absolutely love this. Would just advise to find a way to remember/write down this feeling because the nature of addiction is that when we are in it's throes, we don't see out of our small world. When you do feel down sometime in the future we can forget this feeling and the truth you wrote.

Many ask "does it work, though?". Ask yourself the following: who wants to know if it works, you or your addiction? Who is afraid that it WILL work: you, who are willing to try anything and everything including coming on this site to look for some type of way forward, or your addiction (limbic system), which is terrified that you might actually succeed?

So. Who wants to know if it works? You? Or is it your addiction doing the talking? Search your feelings, you know the answer already.

kilochalu wrote on 16 Sep 2015 20:21:

Bump 

realclean wrote on 14 Sep 2021 19:04:

Kudos on 14 days. That's a big deal!Although I'm a strong believer in the idea of getting to the point of not needing the urge and not just about controlling the urge, I've definitely found this to be true as well. Letting go and just doing a little often ends in a crash. Like Chazal say the way of the Yetzer Harah is to start with a bit and then a bit more until he gets us to the greatest Aveiros.

I just fell after 14 days on the 90 day program. I've been battling addiction in matters of kedusha for a very long time and after this fall something was different. Although obviously it wasn't worth it and I felt stupid the Second it was over which isn't new, the 14 days i just went through opened my eyes to the exact measures I need to take to get over this once and for all. It was obviously hard in the very beginning to stop cold turkey like that , but after a few days I began to pick up on why I get cravings and urges so much more often than need be. It's because I wasn't guarding my eyes probably. The moment you look at something that's not even too bad, and you don't have "malicious intent" at that very moment, your planting it into your brain wether you like it or not. And what I realized is that it will always come back to haunt you either later that night when trying to go to sleep, or during shemona esrei. Urges so strong that they're hard to get over. So I was trying to be as careful as possible to not see anything I shouldn't. But as the days went on and I hit night 13 I started feeling more comfortable and I let my guard down the tiniest bit to just look at a little bit of Instagram. In essence saying to myself " what's the big deal! It's not pornography, I'm not masturbating, and I'm on day 13! I'm already good at this!" And I fell into it, basically looking for provocative images to derive pleasure.. but hey! Atleast im not actually doing anything wrong! I ended up stopping myself and going to sleep. In bed I was hit with crazy urges. So hard to get it out of my head until I fell asleep. I woke up this morning with horrible urges and felt like I was a lost cause and I had to just do it and start again. Which is what I did. Im not proud of it. I now have come to a vital realization that the only effective way to get over a pornography addiction.. aside from holding back from it.. is to be so incredibly careful with what you look at; be it on a screen, in public, on the train, in the office, the list is literally endless. This is way easier said than done and this is where you have to set up your army. Fences, armour, barbed wire, tanks, and the best soldiers and  weapons money can buy. I now get the true meaning of why this organization is called "guard your eyes".
thank you for reading. Good luck.  

hello to all heiliga people on here.
B"H i found this wonderful place after suffering almost 10 years from p&m addiction, and going for help, were i got great advice, untill a certain limit. therefore now im so excited to be part of this beautiful community.
and with my prayers to hashem to be matzliach in my holy mission, hoping this is my final place to reach my goals i wish and waiting for so long.
and get back on the right track to build my beautiful home with hashrooas hashchina.
and the same i wish to all wonderfull people here in this special platform.
thnks to hashem had a beautiful experience since i got connected to this הייליגע קהלה.

Thanks MH! Always good to be back to the chevre.
Special thanks to R'eyes for not giving up on me.
B"H Day #1 clean.
I'm also on a diet right now. I watched my 600 lbs life last night and the participant's food addiction is awfully similar to SA. The psychologist on the show gave really good advice. Something we may all know but always worth repeating: The addiction is a compensatory mechanism for a void in life. So, at one point, the "void" must be addressed. But what was even more interesting is that she said to the recovering food addict: why do you indulge in food? Because you know exactly what to expect from it. You know the feeling you'll get from it. Since he isn't always sure of what to expect of his wife, he relies on food. Substitute that for SA and there you have some very sobering perspective. We must trust our partners and H"KBH, the ultimate provider of all our needs.