I witnessed A very respected  Yeshiva guy be intimate with 1 person  ( high schooler) and abuse many others emotionally. I later found out that he was actually intimate with over 10 high schoolers.

At the time, I was not sure what do what when I witnessed what I saw, my concern was ​telling the right person and that this person should be helped and kids saved.

​After a few months, as a saw the issue getting worse, I decided to talk to one of the most respected people in the yeshiva. He said and I quote "if there are no witnesses other then just you then there is nothing I can do about it, and he also challenged the validity of my story, as I mentioned it was a very respected Yeshiva guy who was doing this ( I did not say the name, as I felt  only to do so if he asked).

This Yeshiva guy was aware that I knew something was wrong, and to protect his name he made up lies and stories about me. He was very smart and manipulative, and realized that if he can get others to question me he would survive.  

I went to therapists during this time, and to my dismay they did not believe me because the Rabbis did not believe me. It was so lonely, 
so sad, angry, confused and lost basic trust. 

Fast forward - the truth did come out, and he was intimate with a few High schoolers, and over 50 campers and teens felt emotionally abused and many left Yiddishkeit. 

​It was real bothersome and become clear that other rebbbeim also knew and saw very similar behavior but decided for their own benefit of staying away and not getting involved ... 

I began to question mesorah. If because of bias these people who were teaching me about gd, could not see what was very clear to them how could I believe their teaching about gd?  Maybe this too was taught with much bias??

I believe this anger, resentment, and feeling soo alone has triggered my addiction. I so much want to let go and forgive, but the remnants of this period of time keep on effecting me and triggering feelings which then increase and enable my need for connection/my addiction ...  

Mikegtoday wrote on 05 Oct 2021 10:42:

You are not the first, nor the last, to question the mesorah because of this type of thing. IMHO, it's a valid kashya. I am aware amny will say, "but look at the majority," but I'm not sure that's enough.

For me, these types of things have pushed me to more learning and more self reliance. 

Dear Mikegtoday.
My heart goes out for you, I feel your pain. I have a lot to comment on this one, I have seen too much and too painful stuff in my life. 

the moment does not allow me long writings.

Stay strong

Thank you for comments and care, what is triggering is that to this day it has effected shidduchim because so many ask why did I leave/change Yeshivas when I was in a "top shiur", and why I am older and single?  Why Did I decide now to go into business 



I have made peace for the most part, this is what I meant by remnants. There are many fantastic people I have met since   - The damage now is the effect it has on dating  -  and now the loneliness.



​I really in essence do not want to talk about my past, and just want to live in the present, but the inertia effect has so been so devastating and doesn't allow me to forget...   







  

You're a true inspiration to me. After going thru such painful experiences and you're still trying to be positive and go on.. amazing! 

The truth will always prevail. 

Yosef hatzadik was falsely accused and thrown into jail. In the end he became the king of the land. Hashem is on your side and you'll have a great life ahead IYH! 

I'm so sorry, I don't know what to say. I obviously don't know these rebbeim, what their justifications and situations were, but it makes no difference to the pain you are in. If it helps, I do think we see that a bad decision in one area doesn't necessarily mean someone is unreliable in any area. I'm don't mean to start trusting people who let you go through this, at all, or forgiving them for it. But those  people who merely made terrible mistakes, even if you can't or shouldn't trust them either, doesn't mean to lose everything.
As for yourself, you did what you could. You are not responsible for your situation. And there will be a way out. I have met people in impossible situations due to their past. You probably have to. And no mattre how impossible, things do get better.

If it helps, this reminds me of a story quoted in To Remain a Jew. A cantonist told over his story, memberf of the town, trying to protect their children, sold him out to be taken to the russian army. on the way, Rav Naftali of Lyutzinand some others were able to get the conscripted children to be able to stay with them a few days. R Naftali would tell over the story of Yosef, and eventually this cantonist understood why. Yosef felt betrayed, sold by his brothers and the leaders of the generation, put in an impossible situation, impossible tests,, it would be understandable for him to go completely off. But he remembered his father's face. His father did not hurt him or betray him. He wasn;t guilty. That's what he was telling them to hold on to. Those who didn't do them wrong. Not to throw away everything and everyone because of some peoples actions. There is always some good, and we can also become that good for others.  (also it's a really good book)

Mikegtoday wrote on 05 Oct 2021 10:42:

This is mind boggling. I'm glad this did not happen to me because the respected tzadik would have been history one way or the other.

This confirms what I learned from most Jews' callous attitude towards coronavirus, namely that Hashem, the Torah and the Jews are three very different things. And specifically that there is a reason why Hashem destroyed the bays. Certain things we think and do really really bother Him.

We put a positive spin on it, but any time things don't make sense you always have to go back to that.

I think this is what it means when the malachim question Hashem regarding the ten martyrs and He responds "be quiet or I'll turn the world back to nothing."

I think the same applies to the occasional talmid chacham who has sex with little boys. Not cool with the Master of the Universe, but we look the other way because it's the tip of an iceberg that involves all of us.

But the problem is the people, not the Torah and certainly not Hashem. We just suck a lot more than we are willing to ever admit.

To you're question on mesorah:If you have a Rabbi that teaches you about Hashem and the Torah... Etc. . Then you see him doing any given avaira (Wich Hashem says not to do). Does that mean that all he tought you about Hashem isn't true just because he did something that Hashem said not to do?No. Because people have Will & desire etc. So they sin even though they know it's wrong.So it's no different in you're situation wich you shared. Any Rabbi that didn't want to get involved was not because they don't believe in what they teach and not because they think those things are ok. But only because they had no interest in acting appropriately (there could be many reasons why).But don't get me wrong. of course it's all still wrong...All the best and I hope everything works out the most perfect possible for you!!!

Rt234 wrote on 06 Oct 2021 21:28:

i assume you never went through sexual abuse, we are not talking about somebody who hade been steeling money he have stolen the life of this kids, i can assure you that this kids would have rather asked him he should kill them then abuse them, as we see in the kinus we say on tisha baov how the boys jumped into the water to die rather then being sexually abused

sorry that I'm so crazy about this but I'm trying to become a survivor instated of a victim 

I just want to say that your perseverance is an inspiration to me. It’s so much easier to let go and give up than to keep on pushing, and you’re doing that times a million. Ashrecha.

barber wrote on 06 Oct 2021 22:15:

Fortunately there is hope for people who were abused but there is only a very small number of therapists who can pull it off. And I'm not allowed to tell you who they are.

If you have a sex addiction as a result though you need a support group anyway. I don't know how bad the damage is, how long it went on for etc. If you are here probably need one though.

My heart goes out to you and the abused bochurim. Please remember that you are on a forum that consists of real people who are proud carriers of the Mesorah. The fact that we have committed aveiros is overshadowed by our honesty in dealing with them; the fakers you described are the exact opposite and are hardly recognizable as sharing our religion.

Keep inspiring us with your rare bitachon and strength!

Proudly Grodnian - IMG

Thank you for taking the time to read my post. The hardest part for me personally were the following 2 items.  

1. That people who were older were not able to believe what was happening, and it was clear to me the main reason was that they felt if they could not trust this person (The  choshuve guy 21 Year Old), then who could they trust? 

I thought that was soo disappointing because everyone has issues and this person was just 21, and they could of helped. I thought in that regard I was dealing with it better then them. That felt very isolating and lonely. I told nobody else because I knew it would destroy the Yeshivas reputation. My own Family did not know because they were in Kolleland were friends and I knew  it would be Harder and more challenging If I told them for them.  In addition they therapist did not believe me so that also very isolating.

2. The most hurtful and destructive part for me was the damage it did to my ability to date, as I mention in my post I left the Yeshiva and went into the business world and that stunned people, so to this day there are constant triggers, I still have issues dating - because I was respected and had many friends  so when I left it caused much
noise and wonder   

The Pendemic has made this isolation more difficult -

I am interested in your feedback and your experience on this site and what has helped you, when you have time..  thank you

Thank you very much. Really appreciate your care and understanding.

Thank you for taking the time to read my post. The hardest part for me personally were the following 2 items.  

1. That people who were older were not able to believe what was happening, and it was clear to me the main reason was that they felt if they could not trust this person (The  choshuve guy 21 Year Old), then who could they trust? 

I thought that was soo disappointing because everyone has issues and this person was just 21, and they could of helped. I thought in that regard I was dealing with it better then them. That felt very isolating and lonely. I told nobody else because I knew it would destroy the Yeshivas reputation. My own Family did not know because they were in Kolleland were friends and I knew  it would be Harder and more challenging If I told them for them.  In addition they therapist did not believe me so that also very isolating.

2. The most hurtful and destructive part for me was the damage it did to my ability to date, as I mention in my post I left the Yeshiva and went into the business world and that stunned people, so to this day there are constant triggers, I still have issues dating - because I was respected and had many friends  so when I left it caused much
noise and wonder   

The Pendemic has made this isolation more difficult -

I am interested in your feedback and your experience on this site and what has helped you, when you have time..  thank you