لا ، انه سائق شاحنة الوحش

تدفق اليونانيون لي...

The RBSO's messages come in many different packages.  Today's came to me in the form of the new marvelous middos machine tape.  The patience song has a lot in it for a lust addict like me to learn:

Please don't tell me "later"
I've got to have it now!
Ich betich zog nisht 'shpeiter'
Ich darf dos hobben now!
Please don't tell me 'soon'
I need to have it know!
I'll mameshburst like a baloon.
If I don't get it now!

You gotta have patience.....
You gotta have patience.....
With a little bit of patience
life will have less irritation
So why not have a little bit
I'm sure that you can have
A bit of ......... Patience!

Please don't say 'rak rega"
I've got to have it know!
It might as well be never
If I can't have it now
Don't tell me 'after supper'
I've got to have it now!
I'm mamesh gonna suffer,
If I don't get it now!

Take a deep breath and relax
Pretty soon you'll get your snacks
So why noy have a little bit,
Yes try to have a little bit
I'm sure that you can have
A bit of ........... Patience!

Please don't say 'tomorrow'
I need that toy right now!
I'll be soo filled with sorrow
If I can't have it now!
My friend Moishe has it
So I must have it now!
I might even try and grab it
If I can't have it now!

You gotta have patience.....
Yes you gotta have patience .....
Savlanut's a real good middah....
That'll may your life much sweeta

So why not have a little bit,
Yes try to have a little bit
I'm sure that you can have
A bit of ........ Patience

Thank you Hashem for the reminder.  A wonderful Shabbos and Chanuka to all.

Many of us have experienced the feeling. Our wives are not interested and we are literally climbing the walls thinking to ourselves how can I survive in this prison. And it really feels just like that, a prison. And the one who we perceive to have thrown us into this prison is our wives. Certainly they hold the key to our release. If only they would let us out how our lives would be so much better.  And we tell ourselves surely one who is in this prison is entitled to act out.
Yosef however teaches us the proper approach in these situations. Put yourself in his shoes.  Day after day for 12 years straight he is in a dungeon. Rest assured it looked nothing like the relatively tame prisons of our days. And why was he there?  Because his brothers sold him off as a slave.  Moreover, think of where he came from before he landed in prison.  Having been solicited by one of the prettiest woman in the world for a year straight day after day. Talk about a need for a release. And what hope did he ever have of ever getting out, getting married of ever being with a woman. It was the same dirty dungeon day after day.
Fast forward to our parsha. Yosef tells the brothers. Don't worry. You only think you were the cause. It wasn't because of you that I lived in a prison. It was the RBSO's master plan so I could save the entire civilized world.
So next time you feel like you're in prison. First, remember who put you there.  It's not your wife! Second, keep in mind you may be there to save the world.

דברי פי חכם חן

More on the parsha.  I saw a wonderful Chofetz Chaim in Shmeris Halshon:

וכדי להשקיט את הדבר בדעתו, אמךתי להעתיק רעיון אחד נשגב, מה שנמצא שרשו בירושלמי הביאו הסמ״ג. כמו
שאם היה הולך בדרך ונגפה רגלו האחת בשניה ועל ידי זה נפל לארץ ונפצע גופו ופניו וגם הרגל ההיא, מלבד שאין
עולה בדעתו לנקם מאותה רגל מלרפאותה, אף אין לו שום שנאה על הרגל ההיא כי מי היא הרגל ומי הוא גופו ופניו
הכל ענין אחד, אך שהוא מתחלק לאיברים רק שהוא חושב בדעתו שעונותיו גךמו לו כן הדבר, אם ארע שלא היטיב
עמו חברו באתה טובה שבקש מאתו, או אפלו שצערו וגדפו באיזה דבר, שלא לנקם ולנטיר את השנאה עליו, כי מי הוא
  חברו ומי הוא, הכל משרש אחר יצאו, ככתוב (דברי הימים א׳ י״ז כ״א): ״ומי כעמך ישראל גוי אחר בארץ״, וכתיב (בראשית מ״ו כ״ו): ״כל
הנפש הבאה לבית יעקב" וגו ולא כתיב נפשות להורות לנו שכל נפשות ישראל למעלה הם כמו נפש אחת אך שכל אחד
יש לו בחינה בפני עצמו, כמו האדם בכללו, אף שבדרך כלל הוא איש אחד, מכל מקום לש לו איברים שהם ראשים לו כמו
הראש והלב ויש שתחתיהם כמו היד והרגל. וגם לשרש אחד יאספו כל ישראל לבסוף, והוא תחת כסא הכבוד וכמו
שנאמר (שמואל א׳ כ״ה כ״ט): ״והיתה נפש אדוני צרורה בצרור החיים את וגו׳ וכמו שאמרו חז״ל (בשבת קנ״ג): רק בזה
העולם, מצד שכל אחד מלבש בחמר בפני עצמו, ועניניו ועסקיו של כל אחד הוא ענין בפני עצמו, מדמה האדם
בדעתו שהוא איש פרטי, ואינו שיך לחברו הישראל כלל אבל באמת לא כן הדבר

The Chofetz Chaim was talking about how we relate to our friend on the street.  And the Chofetz Chaim learns that just like you wouldn't be angry at your foot for causing you to trip
since its all part of you so to you friend on the street, he in the olam haneshoms is also a part of you.  If this applies to your friend on the street, how much more so to a person's wife
about who it is written:  ודבק באשתו, והיו לבשר אחד  literally in this world, in the here and now, you are one with her.  How much more so should a person refrain from getting upset at his wife if he was slighted at or didn't give him what he feels he was entitled to.  Recognize that it comes from Above.

RBSO, please help me internalize these messages.  A wonderful Shabbos to all.

Thank-you, thank-you. That was just what I needed to hear right now, chaver.

I just came across these tips to hel get deal with a grudge.  Maybe it will help someone get passed a grudge or resentment they are walking around with:

Acknowledge the Problem
Figure out what it is that’s causing you to hold a grudge. You have to know what the problem is in order to solve it. When you allow yourself to see the real issue you can then make a choice to move forward from there.

Share Your Feelings
A grudge can form when an issue isn’t fully confronted. Without being judgemental about yourself or another, clarify your feelings on the situation. Then, decide if this is something you will work on in your own heart or by contacting the other person involved. Only when you are ready, communicate with the other person about the issue. Whether you work it out on your own or involved the other person, you may feel more relieved by releasing that built up tension and all involved can have a better understanding of the situation and able to resolve the issue.

Switch Places
To get a better understanding of the other person, try putting yourself in their shoes. This will give you a better understanding of their point of view and behavior. Maybe the person in question was in a lot of pain. This doesn’t justify their negativity, but it will help you understand it. The more you understand the other person and their behavior, the easier it is not to let go of a grudge.

Accept What Is
Choose to create your own healing, with or without an apology. Don’t wait for the person you are upset with to come around. For all you know they are already past the issue and not putting as much thought into it. Even if they don’t offer an apology, it doesn’t mean they are not remorseful. Some people are unable to apologize or may not fully understand that the person they hurt may need to hear one.

Don’t Dwell On It
Once you have decided to move on, keep on moving. Don’t put too much thought into the situation or continuously discuss it. It will only make things worse and harder to get over. If ever the issue is brought up in conversation, change the subject or just look at it as the past and leave it there.

Look at the Bright Side
For every negative situation there is a positive. If you take this as a learning experience, you will benefit from knowing more about yourself and the other person. Choose to learn a valuable lesson or walk away with a better understanding that can help you let go of the issue and not resent the other person.

Let It Go
Letting go allows room for peace and happiness. A long lasting grudge will only drain you physically and emotionally and can surely affect your health. You will use more energy than you can imagine by holding a grudge than you will by letting go.

Forgive
Of course forgiving doesn’t mean you will forget the issue. It’s just acknowledging your differences and accepting that no one is perfect and we all make mistakes we should learn from. Forgiving isn’t the easiest to do especially when you’ve endured a lot of hurt and pain, but it’s the only way to truly let go and have peace.

Two thoughts on the parsha:

1.  Building on AHM's post that was in today's chizzuk email.  For those who didn't see it: 




If you look later in the possuk it says:  ויהי ימי-יעקב, שני חייו.  The words שני חייו are seemingly extra.  I believe that they are coming to tell us that despite all the adversity that Yaakov went through throughout his life, nevertheless Yaakov Avinu recognzed that he still needed to "live" each day.  It was through that that he was able to "live" even when he came to Mitzrayim.

2.  ועשית עמדי חסד ואמת.  Rashi says that the reason why it is "emes" is because שאינו מצפה לתשלום גמול.  The mephorshim explain, that of course someone will get schar for doing such a chessed, but the key is that he is not מצפה for it.  I think this a key concept to keep in mind, in our relationship with our wives.  Sure, you will get schar (in this world as well) for treating her nicely and helping her, but don't be מצפה for it, remove the expectation.  Give it unconditionally.

Thank you Hashem for keeping me sober for another week and for always being there for me.  A wonderful Shabbos to all.

Its been a while since I've been on here for any length of time but I had a thought this morning that I feel is worth sharing. I was speaking to a Rov recently and he told me that he was involved with a bochur who was having a difficult time staying of the computer. The rov suggested that he leave the computer at someone's house and the bochur responded that he could not see himself giving up the computer "for the rest of his life."  I suggested to the Rov to tell this bochur not to try to give it up "for the rest of his life," but just for a day. Certainly, for a day he can give it up. Indeed, he does precisely that every Shabbos. 
I thought of that conversation this morning, I recently started  (for not the first time) learning daf yomi (one of the reasons I don't have so much time to be here).  I started now because I realized that if I really want to do it, I have to start before the wave from the siyum starts otherwise I will just get swept up in the emotion of the siyum but once the hurrah fizzles out, my drive will wear off too. So I've been making good progress and I felt this morning I should be able to make a siyum on the masechta that I'm learning. Then my mind started wandering, thinking to myself will you continue through the long haul. You know seven years, day in day out, is a pretty long time and a tremendous commitment.  To never miss a day, are you sure you up to this?
At that point I reflected back to my conversation with the Rov.  Never watching movies again, or never going on facebook or never doing a host of other things I used to do is also a big commitment (which is what I told myself 595 days ago when I joined the site), but for one day I can and here I am 595 one days later. One more daf I can do too. And if I don't make it to seven years, is one masechta or even two perokim of a masechta that I never opened before something not to be proud of. 
So the moral of the story is, don't wait for tomorrow, or yom kippur or some big event to start doing something about a problem that you're experiencing now.  Start today.  Maybe you'll fall next week, tomorrow or in a year, but every minute that you get is yours to keep. 
Thank You Hashem for bringing me to this point and for all of the brocha that you've given me in my life.

Thanks UAJ, it's great to hear from you again.

ODAAT (One Daf At A Time)  ;D

UAJ, your posts are precious and have a lot of good sense, wisdom and sanity

ZemirosShabbos wrote on 24 Jan 2012 20:01:

I could say the same about your "post-its" zemmy ;D.

thanks for the compliment!
dunno about the sanity and therefore the rest sort of falls under suspicion