Ahh what a feeling.  90 days.  Thank you Hashem for sending me here and walking me along, to Guard for setting up the site and to all the wonderful members for giving me chizuk and advice all the way.  I started writing this post after just being on the site for two weeks but it somehow got deleted and then I kept pushing it off.  I figured once I got 90 days I would just write a whole long megilla as to what the GYE community means to me.

1.  I once met a chasuva balabus who works with at-risk kids and he told me over a conversation he once had around Yom Kippur with one of these kids.  He was telling the kid that on Yom Kippur we can do teshuva and our aveiros become zechuyos.  The kid turns to him and says you explain to me how the XXX movie I just watched will be a zechus.  The balabus turns to me and says I didn't know what to say but Hashem put the following in my mind which I told the kid.  He said, I'll tell you.  Because you're going to resole to change and you're going to become better and work on raising a jewsih family and you're going to meet a kid like you where who feels they were hopeless.  At that point you'll tell the kid, never lose hope, you can never sink too low.  I also saw the shmutz that you saw, I saw the same XXX movies, but look I was able to turn around.  At that point says the balabus you'll understand how that XXX movie can be a zechus.  The message hit home and the kid went on to change.  All I can say is that there are a lot of interesting and unique "zechusim" on this site.

2.  I've learned how to grow in Ahavas Yisroel.  Just like the addiction does not discriminate neither does the site.  All walks of yiddishkeit are here and the camaraderie that is displayed is trully remarkable.

3.  My tefillos have improved.  There are a lot of people to thank for this.  Most promenantly is Dov who has encouraged me to talk to Hashem on a regular basis.  Just two days ago, Jooboy wrote me something which gave me a tefilah that I now add.  Hashem give me the ability to place my trust and my dependance only in You and not in any human including my wife.

4.  I realize I am not alone.

5.  I have hope.  In the back of my mind I also had this fear that I had completely ruined my chances to be mekabel pnei moshiach and for olam haba based on my actions.  Would I ever really be able to do teshuva.  The site tells me that although it is hard work (as could be expected given the reward) teshuva is possible.  It really is possible to stop.

6.  The 12 Steps.  In the past as part of my efforts to stop.  I had always looked into ways to online SA meetings.  It never worked in large part because I could not relate to any of the people that were members.  Here I feel that I am amidst family since we are all bnei av echad.  B"H I am making my way through the steps.

7.  The knowledge that sex is optional.  This is a hard one.  But I am grateful for the knowledge and one of these years I hope to be truly able to implement it in my life.

8.  Making shemiras eiynayim part of my conscience.  I can proudly say that for the past 90 days I have not picked up a New York Post or a New York or New Yorker magazine, all of which were part of my daily or weekly routine since they are readily available in my office.  I have come to realize I don't need them and the potential triggers they bring with them.

9.  A filter.  After years of just saying I need one I know have one both in the office and at home.

10.  No facebook.  This was probably my biggest michshal in the past year.  What a wonderful feeling when I click on a link that directs me to facebook and K-9 comes up to block it.

11.  No youtube. Another source of anquish consumed by the canines.

12.  A garden of peace.  I found this book here.  And anyone who has read it knows what I mean.  Anyone who hasn't, what are you waiting for.

13.  A better marriage.  When I don't have all the baggage, things necessarily are better.

14.  The daily chizuk emails, all three of them.  Even if I don't always get to read them.  There is a certain comfort knowing that they are there just for the looking.  There is a noticeable absence when Guard is away.

15.  The GYE Handbooks.

16.  Virtual meetings.

17.  Google chat to know that someone can check on me and the ability to offer chizzuk to others.

18.  Rather than mention names and mistakenly leave someone out.  I apprecaite everyone who has helped me along this journey.  You all know who you are.  I hope to continue with you all to the next level.

My list can go on and on (and I hope to continue it but I got to work a little today).  My tefillah to Hashem is that I recognize that this first 90 days is just a stepping stone along the path and that I merit to continue to stay sober day by day, and that I not forget that I was never able to do this alone so I should never think of moving away from the site and the wonderful people that I have met and continue to meet here.

Ksiva V'Chasima Tova to all.

No words.

Keep up the good work, keep in mind that battle isn't even close  to being over yet.

Ksiva VChasima Tova to you as well.

TATTE IN HIMMEL!!!

Mi kiamcha yisroel!!

Mi kibincha ur-a-jew

My zaydeh the heligger kedushaslevy

Will take this post and SHOW the tatte in himmel

What kind of kinder he has

90 days!!!!!!!

Gevaldiggggg

Mazal tov!!!

Woowww!!!

KEEP ON TRUCKING

This is a zechus for u

For ur family

For the Guard

For the forum

For all of klall yisroel


Gedolah teshuvah shemagaass ad kisai hakovod


Ur a jew

U have the koach of tefillla


Shturm veltten!!!

Its time for the tatteeh in himmel to see

We don't want shmuts

We don't want all the ekel packaged in technology

We want!!! YISGAdAL

Viyiskadsh shmai rabbaoh!!!

Oy yoy yoy yoy Yoooy



Bardichev

Mazal Tov!

90 days is a very significant milestone.  The painful alternative is to suffer for the next 90 years!

www.guardyoureyes.org/forum/index.php?topic=1297.0

Hatzlacha Raba as you build on your achievement, one day at a time!

While reading The Rebbe Reb Bardichev's heartfelt words I got goosebumps!


Ur-a Jew, we share in your simcha and offer our congratulations!

Please, please, don't leave us behind now. Do like the Bardichev does. He is already clean for 1 1/2 years and he still stick around the GYE Forum. He is not here for himself anymore. He is here for the rest of us! He is here because he wants to help other Yidden get closer to Hashem!


This zchus will surely stand by for all of you in the upcoming Yom Hadin. Hashem will surely grant you a k'siva v'chasima tova. We are davening for you. please don't forget about us. We ALL want to join you in leaving the Yetzer Horah behind us. Let him be a mere memory of the year 5770. May Hashem grants that the new year be even better than this year was!

I read Haleivi's post this morning on the way to Selichos based on his having reached 90 days.  What wonderful news.  That combined with my tiredness brought me to tears during selichos this morning.  I think what really moved me was the saying of Hashem Hashem.  Hashem has rachmunos before we sin (by sustaining us even though He knows we will sin) and has rachmunus after we sin by sending us a website like this and such wonderful tzadikkim like Guard to help us do teshuva from those aveiros.  Ksiva Vchasima Tova to all.

B"H still sober.
Yom Tov and the Yomim Noraim had their ups and downs.  When I first came to GYE I came because of a lust problem.  In working on the 12 steps I realized that I have a major Gaavah and קנאה problem as well.  These two are more insidious in that it took working the 12 steps to realize that they were there and how bad a problem it was, whereas my lust problem is something that I have been knowingly dragging around for decades.
Upon coming to this realization I thought of the mishna in Avos
רבי אליעזר הקפר אומר, הקנאה והתאווה והכבוד, מוציאין את האדם מן העולם
and realized I have two options I can either get majorly depressed since I'm afflicted with the major three and I'm on my way out, or I can have real gratitude to Hashem for helping me discover all of this now and giving me the opportunity to reverse course. 
I am trying to chose the latter option and I just daven to Hashem that I am successful in that endeavor and that Hashem helps me to remove all of these character defects.  Just from the last days of Yom Tov when I went from an incredible high with my wife to a low in about 48 hours because I stubbornly refused to accept her criticism (which in my heart of hearts and maybe not even so deep I knew had at least some legitimacy) is not going to be easy.

wow.  I think you must be up to 120 or so.  awzoom.  How are you doing?  Stay in touch.  It's easy to drift away.  I thought I had it handled after 90.  WRONG! For me it was isolation.  For others I know it's just being busy.  Hotzlocho.

ur-a-jew wrote on 03 Oct 2010 14:39:

Thank you for the above.  I feel like you wrote that for myself!

Approaching 130 days.  Gotta say I love this place. I love being sober (please Hashem help me continue). I love the knowledge that I can reach out to someone when I'm feeling shaky or approaching potential turbulence. Tonight was a great example. Had a wedding at which I was worried that people wouldn't be dressed tzniyusdig. Last time this happened I got a lot of RID. On my way I said to myself I wish I could get Dov's assistance. Hashem helps those who turn to him. Turned on my google chat and Dov was logged in waiting for me. Reached out for him and he gave me some tips. But just the ability to have that dialogue makes all the difference in the world. In the end it wasn't what expected everyone seemed to be dressed. Thank you Hashem for watching out for me.

UAJ, You just cool  8)  On to the Beys Hamigdash!  Coiach l'coiach  I love when you tell us your hashgacha pratis stories.  Thanks for all your chizuk.

Thank you Hashem for watching out for me for Ur-a-Jew.


We all have a vested interest in Ur-a-Jew's progress!

Nu?  Nu?

1daat wrote on 24 Oct 2010 06:24:

1daat thanks for the reminder, got to keep being thankful for all the good Hashem is giving me.

I've really enjoyed the last two weeks even though my wife has been ossur.  I thank G-d every day for being sober because it allows me to actually enjoy living.  I've been more focused with my relationship with my kids and my wife.  Not to say that everything is all magically better, the financial issues are still there, chinuch issues continue to arise, but as I told someone earlier in the week, it's amazing how much you can just ignore or not got stressed out about when you're feel how crazy in love your wife is with you.  A craziness that is no doubt fostered by the fact that I'm just living a normal life (and constant reinforcement of how great she is and how much I appreciate her).

Things were going so well that I was getting up the courage to actually clue her in fully about my issues.  I am very anxious for a completely open relationship with my wife such as Briut describes.  Initially, I put off telling my wife until I reached 90 days.  When I reached 90 I still couldn't come to do it.  Now I was just feeling really close and very tempted to say something.  The Y"H's tactic is now.  Look you've been sober for close to 140 days without too much of a problem maybe you're not really such an addict, you're much sicker than that because look you obviously have a greater ability to control yourself and you didn't.  What do you think you're wife is going to think.  So for now, I'm back to where I started on this issue.  Although I've been davening to Hashem for clarity and direction on this issue.

UAJ,
thanks for posting... its wonderful to read about your progress and how life is going well! 
Like you mention... its critical to remember that we are in fact addicted and even when 'out of it', it will not take very much to fall back... so keep up with whatever reminds you to be humble and safe.
About telling your wife, not sure it is a good idea. What will she gain from it?  >
Perhaps mention involvement in GYE as a way you have been working on shmiras eynayim... this is something you wife can perhaps appreciate, since all men must work on that.
But to share sordid details from the past, usually is not a good idea....

k