1daat wrote on 18 Nov 2012 05:49:


I don't think you need any help from me, but in my opinion thinking that this is a stupid thing is part of the problem. You always do what you want, but it's always based on data. Usually the data is not so good ("the darkness of earthiness".) Go back to your step one, or your cost-benefit analysis, and see if you still believe what you wrote there.

1daat wrote on 18 Nov 2012 05:49:


I relate so well. We do things out of ignorance - as many have said "this is a program of forgetting." Ashrei ish shelo yishkachecho! Cute thought: the Aramaic word for person inish (man) and nash (woman) are the same root as the words in the hadran: "lo nisnashi minon - let them not be forgotten from us". The gid hanasheh is what slipped or jumped out of it's place, the achizah of Amalek in us is really forgetting.

Addicts seem to be hard-wired. It's frustrating. We slip or jump into that maddenning default program! Stupid thing to do, yeah. But with a little humility and acceptance we can refer back to our 1st steps - or turn to the man sitting next to us in the meeting who just lost his sobriety and is sufferring that familiar old torture of a more unmanageable life now, as a result of it - and we can remember.

And we can thank Hashem for the gift of remembering today.

Dov, how many times have I written, "The most important word in recovery is, 'remember'"?

gid hanashe? niiice. Better to throw the whole back side away. Pheh!

The connection between amalek (it doesn't warrant a capital letter) and forgetting:

תמחה את זכר עמלק מתחת השמים לא תשכח

לא תשכח
לא תשכח
[size=8pt]
"Maddening default program". That so rings for me. Thanks.

Nederman, you're so right. I need to go back to step one. but I think we mean a different step one.

Think good. You remind to keep this simple. Really simple. When I write these long posts it gets not simple. This is something very very important for me to remember. REMEMBER! This program is so sweetly simple. thank you.

BB, as always. right there. Thanks.

Gevurah, my man, thanks for the pm. Vee Geytz?

Thanks guys. Period. Think Good taught me something. Good night.

Oh, two good pieces of news: My son was chosen "outstanding graduating senior" at his college. Also a $1500 check. So of course the ceremonies are erev Shabbos at 3pm. Shabbos comes in at 5:07. gonna be very tight. May have to walk a loooong ways. B'simcha every step! 2nd piece of good news: my mailbox was vandalized. All the mail taken. Yesterday I got a note from the postoffice stapled to an IRS envelope saying they found this scattered on the ground a few blocks away. I'm thinking another audit. Nope. It's a refund for $640!

Can we all please remember, that's REMEMBER that He loves us and watches over us and doesn't miss a step

To quote Bob the Builder (who people tell me is a Gerrer chusid): "Yes we CAN!"

dov wrote on 22 Nov 2012 07:44:


rofl

dov wrote on 22 Nov 2012 07:44:


I don't know if he was a gerrer chossid but he is probably a talmid chacham

"al tikrei bonayich ela boinoiyich"

Hey Reallygitting there,

Great!

dov wrote on 22 Nov 2012 07:44:


Is he related to Yoneh The Boneh?

MT

One thing is sure, Bob the builder always keeps his head covered. Some even suggest that he wears a yamurlka underneath.

Yes WE can. ;D

I'm pretty sure I fell today. Went to a porn site and looked for about a minute. I knew this was coming. it's been inching up on me and posting this maybe will help it not go further.

What was startling was that I'd forgotten the intensity of the rush. And feeling it again I completely get in a physical way why I'm addicted to that. It was intense and felt really good. Like nothing else. It's my drug. Ug.

two plus years. back to day one. I can feel the "aw, f- it. now that I fell, I may as well go all the way".

Whew! Seeing a therapist on Monday. I'll talk about it. The intensity is still with me after just a minute's look. Maybe less. Doesn't matter. I'd forgotten.

Nu, How am I with Hashem. Wait and see. I've been distancing. So something is major up with me that I'm not looking at. Dunno.

Anyway. There it is.

Maybe you forgot why you decided to get sober in the first place. Did you write it down somewhere? Can you review it? Maybe things have changed and you make that decision all over again?

Where was my filter??!!

Full points for honesty. It's good that you stopped when you did and got a reminder how addicted you really are.
Carry on driving your lorry.

Get right back on the bicycle with all of us knuckleheads and get pedaling again, chaver. We have places to go....at least until shkiyah tonight.

You are so geshmak, Joel!

Joel,

"Somech Hashem Lechol Hanoflim". He's still there like He always is, right by your side, holding you up. Hold on tight....

FS, KOMT!!!

JTLR!

And have a great Shabbos!

Gevura!