I notice you did not answer my question.

I have removed some of my yetzer hara. For example I used to resent my wife quite frequently for many things, now I only feel resentment very rarely.

Sorry I don't get it.

How does reading Feeling Good remove the yetzer hara?
So you feel good about yourself,wife life .... but the yetzer hara is still there!

No. The book just applies cognitive methods to depression. I don't care about depression, although it's important, I do care about the cognitive methods.

Consider the following quote from the Mesillas Yesharim:



Now consider the following list of cognitive distortions which often create our feelings, such as cravings, panic, fear, anger etc.




For example, cravings are an instance of magnification (see list.) This is just a list of well-known ones.

So if you read the book you see that what the Mesillas Yesharim says is possible (actual cases) and you see how to do it.

Dear Think Good,

Think wrote on 11 Oct 2012 08:27:
Great question!

Here is a post of mine a while back http://www.guardyoureyes.org/forum/index.php?topic=5649.msg144861#msg144861, but the part I want to share w/you here is this (with a few adjustments):




Dear Nederman,

That list of cognitive distortions was a great one, and b"H I learned each of them from my SA sponsor and buddies. Sure, I heard them at times in shmoozen, with therapists or in sforim or books...but I started to actually learn them in my own recovery from my sponsor. Learning how to let go of certain silly or dysfunctional inner beliefs is central to the recovery I was mekabel from the AA's, too. So thanks for that list of some of them.

Rav Leibeleh Eiger was asked by his father why he went to the Maggid (or someone, there are different versions of this story). He answered that he learned there is a G-d in the world. His father then called in the cleaning lady and asked her who made the world and she said "Hashem, of course!" and turned to his son and said something like, "apparently, you wasted your time there. You could have learned that from her right here, too!"

Rav Leibeleh answered, "She says - I know."

Books tell us - even the Torah only tells us. Learning from real people in the real adventures of daily living allows us to really know the great things you refer to. So let's keep posting about our struggles in living with these things today, calling and PM'd each other about them, and really growing together.

Are you then saying that reading Feeling Good is at least somewhat helpful?

Nedsky,
In my book, if you can controi your urges with cognition (talking to yourself, mussar,etc) then you're probably not an addict. Being an addict is not such a wonderful badge, ya know.

guys, I know I write these waaay tooo long posts. I think something got lost. Lemme repeat:
I'm now over two years clean. Not yet sober, as Dov's post on "happiness" proves--If I'm unhappy, then I'm doing something wrong. But two whole years is the kind of thing I can putin my pocket when I get one of nederman's distorted thought about having wasted my life.

Now, if you didn't respond on purpose, can I get a little honesty around here? Why did you skip that. You're giving me another complex here (it's just a saying, nederman).

Today I heard a funny joke and had a great big laugh. so I did something right.
Short form:
Priest, minister, rabbi being interviewed. What would you like them to say at your funeral. Priest: That I was a faithful servant. Minister: That I taught brotherly love. Rabbi thinks for a second and says, "At my funeral I'd like them to say....'I think he's moving'"

Yeah, 1daat. Your posts are way too long.

Dov, waaaay toooo cool! yukyukyuk thanks

I give up (sorry nedsky). Today I was happy all day long. Now what do I do?

don't worry, be happy! ;D

Sheesh! I just reread this and it's another megillah. Sorry, guys, it just spilled out.

Update: More on happiness:

Quote from Dov: "And as both my rebbis and l'havdil my goyishe sponsor told me, "if you are living sober and still not happy, it probably means you are going about things the wrong way. Change the way you are doing it and get some help."

More from Dov: "Change (not just the cash kind of change!) is G-d's gift to us."

Even mo Dov: "AA teaches that 'feeling good' is not the point of it all. And, of course, so does the Torah. And no, the directive to serve G-d with joy is not 'putting happiness as the goal'. Quite to the contrary, many tzaddikim (the Mesilas Yeshorim 300 years ago, and modern ones are Rav Noach Weinberg and Avigdor Miller, zt"l among many others) have told us that happiness is a byproduct of living right."

End of Dov. Start of Joel.

So I've been keeping an eye on this abiding river of unhappiness that runs as a context in my life flowing always in the background, underground in my living my day to day life. I have not been "working" on my unhappiness river. I've been davening about it, combing through GYE posts, reading Besht quotes, etc. Here's what's been revealed so far:

The unhappiness is a state of mind that I lived inside of my whole childhood, and then with the "help" of drugs and sex (not much R&R) I blot out the unhappiness.

Something has started to change. Over a few days time I remember specific scenes from childhood where I was unhappy all the time. There was nothing I could do. Life for this little guy was unhappy. That's what I've been feeling and watching over and now have memories about.

The most important part of all this, though is that along with these memories of the unhappiness in childhood, I also start remembering very specific scenes where I was talking with Hashem--in the front yard when I was twirling a weight on a string, playing army with the little green sodiers, making mud cities and rivers. Just a little boy playing and talking with Hashem. Not davening. Not praising, thanking or asking anything from Him. Just un-selfconsciously happily hanging out with Him, HAPPILY. It wasn't an escape from my unhappiness, from the abuse and chaos and all the rest. It was just where I hung out. Then, getting older, I remember davening at my Bubby and Zeda's house and He was there too. Not davening at cheder, but at my grandparents house, they should both be at the highest aliyya, at Hashem's very footstool. I was SO happy.

Then the abuse started. And I had to keep the anger going so i could keep myself from falling apart and crying and begging her to stop. I remember something very bad happening (possibly triggering, so deleted), and my saying to myself "I will absolutely not give her the satisfaction of crying. that's what she wants." And to keep myself strong, I had to keep the anger and resentment alive. I had to keep myself being rigid and unhappy.

All this I didn't sit down and think about. Or go to a therapist. I just davened for help to be happy. And I knew not to mess around with trying to make myself happy.

Nederman and all you guys who are able to correct irrational thinking. That just doesn't work for me. I've tried it and tried it. It's all left me powerless and there's been no change in the unhappiness. There's been no change in my being unhappy because I WANTED to keep myself unhappy. I needed to keep myself resentful, or I'd break down and cry and get more shame and powerlessness. I needed to keep myself powerful.

I forgot about hanging out with Hashem and playing happily, just talking with him. I couldn't risk being soft and innocent and close to Hashem.

Now He comes and shows me the stuff above. In pictures, that I can understand. And I remember it all. and I can comfort this little guy, not for the abuse, etc, but that he had to live this way for so many years. Probably around sixty years.

At this point I wouldn't say I'm running around happily with Hashem. But a lot is changing. Davening means more. I talk with Him more. I am happy more. Not forever and ever (until Moshiach comes speedily in our days), but for pretty good hunks of time, more days than not.

How do you thank such a G-d? Parnassah's still hand to mouth; I'm still in physical pain every single day, though that's better. And with all the "stuff" still pretty much the same, I'm starting to get little flashes of "gam zoo l'tovah". Hashem, Hashem, you break me down and lift me up. You soften me and let me cry. You give me myself back a little at a time so I can handle it (v'yishmerecha). How great You are. How much chesed you shower me with after all those years of judgement. You sweeten me. You surround me with the protection and love from the guys at GYE. Even in this virtual community, it's only by virtue of Your love that it works and we feel the chizuk, the love the brotherhood. You let us pray for each other, and know that our prayers matter, they make a difference. You bring me real live people that I can share my past, all my past, and get clean with them, and share what You've brought for me now as well. Please read my heart. I cannot thank you in words.

a good Shabbos. Purim's coming. G-d willing, b'simcha.

well I just did a totally stupid thing. I consciously and on purpose searched for and opened a bad website. I took one look and then clicked off. but that I'd get that far tells me something's totally up with me and I gotta take a look at myself and get a better filter.

I once did a totally stupid thing also. :-[ You clicked off after one look, which is a totally good thing to do. :D I hope I (we) can learn from you, Joel.

I really feel for you.

Lately I have some good simcha days intermingled with a down day. The down days all due to family issues which I influence but cannot control.

I try to do my own thing.
Give help and advice when I can and give up to HaShem if nothing else works.

Not easy.

Have a simchadick day