Blind Beggar wrote on 25 Aug 2011 05:39:


Ditto.

You are an inspiration. May the zechus of the tzibbur accompany you.

wishing you all the best, 1daat
have a great shabbos

Nu, so chow voz dee Shabbess?

Thanks for checking in, guys.  I just got in late last night, so this is the first chance I've had to post.

Short version:  Tell me you don't believe in miracles.  Go ahead, tell me.  And I'll give you such a fyask!

Longer form: I'm trying to find my daughter's house.  I am completely lost.  I made careful mapquest and have a gps.  I am lost, and it's ten minutes to licht bentchin.  I told her I'd be there in plenty of time.  I find it!  2 minutes.  We run to each other, and I say, "quick hug, we have to bench right away, we'll hug later."  We make it.  I daven, we make a kiddush.  It's Shabbos. 

We picked up as though there had been no time of separation.  We figured it's been seven years.  My daughter is stable, relaxed, joyful, happy.  I meet her roommates.  These are caring thoughtful people.  I can see how wisely my daughter has created a safe and healing place for herself.  She tells me she hasn't had a bipolar episode in seven months.

When the time seemed right I told her my story--the hooker-cop, the arrest, jailtime, the horrible expense, the shame, my name in the professional journal, GYE, my celibacy, no secrets.  I told her about my past and my history of lust addiction.  She smiled and said, an f-explicative.  Then smiled at me and said, "I hope you know I have no judgements on you".

I just held my nose and took the plunge.  I wasn't scared.  I knew we had re-connected, and that we loved each other, and that that demanded I have no secrets.  It was a  beautiful thing.

She and her friends made me so welcome.  So genuinely and sincerely.  We picked blueberries, made a fire pit, I leyned and they painted a picture all together.  It was a true simcha.  So many stories and so much laughter.

Nu, so tell me you don't believe in miracles!

Before coming to this little town near Seattle I had been emailing with the Chabad rav in town.  He wasn't sure he could scratch together a minyan for Shabbos.  Then,  I get an email from him saying his wife just gave birth to a baby boy and the bris would be Sunday.  Short version, all the guests came pouring in from out of town, and there was standing room only in this little shul.  The rav gave me rivee'ee, such kovod, what with all the guest there!  You can imagine how grateful I was/am, for how welcoming everyone around me was being to me.

Light kiddush, and "Please stay for lunch"--for the family.  Food and food and food.

So that was a complete ness.

Now I get in a plane and travel to see my daughter's mom, my ex-.  She is dying a slow death from bone cancer.  We both know this is a "goodby" visit.  All I have left of kosher food is a few slices of smoked chicken and a piece and a half of challa. That divided between us and some pretzels would have to do. We gave up on finding someplace to by drinks.  We find a park and sit at a shady spot.  I get up to throw away some trash and, ta-dah!  A snack stand.

She and I talked non-stop for about three hours.  I told her about getting clean, and made amends for the stuff I did when we were married.  (It wasn't a secret that I was acting out, because I go caught, and everything came out.)  But I had never come forward to apologize in a heartfelt way.  She thanked me.  We talked about what was good in our relationship, what we'd learned from each other, what we were grateful for in the relationship and in the other.  We have both had difficult lives.

One funny moment we had was when we both said how sex was entirely overrated without the connection and love.  Here we were, 65 and 71, and we're talking about refinements in our sex lives.

So that's it.

Hashem Hashem, You have brought me back from the pit, from a dead heart.  You take care of the little things so I don't have to worry.  You work wonders every day in my life.  You have brought me home.  I am clean with my loved ones.  There simply are no words.

It's so great to be stupid, bumbling, and generally incapable of taking care of myself.  Inadequacy is almost as good as being stuck on stupid.

Thanks, guys.  You've been/are His messengers, malachei ha'Shaaret, all.

Thank you, chaver, for sharing that sweet and beautiful piece of your life with us. Hashem is really great, and very, very 'big'. The trip is not over and leads to bigger places than we imagined. Gevalt, gevalt. Where to now?

Even your pain has deep meaning now. And it will help anyone who reads this post who has any wisdom. I love you and will daven for you to be showered only with chasodim megulim today and always with Klal Yisroel.

And thank-you Yosef Hatzadik for sending me here to read this. I love you too, friend.

I have no words. That was so powerful.  :'( :'( :'( :'(

Wishing you continued success and growth in everything.

KVT & KOT!

Gevura!

dov wrote on 31 Aug 2011 21:23:


Dov, Dov.  Thank you for davening for me.  Thank you for loving me.  That I am tearing up right now I hope tells you how I love you too.  Some day.  Some day.  I'm gonna pull your beard.

Yosef Hatzadik.  I know I don't always post on your thread.  My Hebrew without dikudot isn't fluent.  So sometimes I don't understand.  Sometimes I laugh so hard.  But I read your thread.  Thanks for checking in.  It means a lot a lot.

Gevura ShebYesod (what an awsome name).  Thanks for what you said.  I get the crying faces. 

1daat wrote on 01 Sep 2011 20:59:


Hey, I didn't even comment on your post!

I read it. I felt very happy for you & sad for myself. I was then in the midst of a chat with Dov so I commented sadly that I don't even have what YOU have!

I felt very jealous of you.

So jealous that I couldn't even think of what to post.

Dov mentioned that I had read it. Now that I am replying, you can see my sentiments. I am thrilled that you merited such a GREAT experience!!!!!!!

Wow, wow, wow.  Thank you for sharing that.  It is so uplifting to see what it means to live so close to Hashem.  Continued hatzlacha and keep inspiring us.

1daat.

Ain Milim...

Incredible.

G-d is indeed great, may we all merit establishing an intimate relationship with Him.

I find your story very inspiring.

Good Shabbos

I believe in miracles.


What a story. Well done 1daat!


Hatzlocho and a Kesiva Uchasima Tova.

thanks 1daat for sharing your life story
i learned from that, that there is light at the end of the tunnel, and now that we can actually see that light, lets go thru that tunnel dancing and singing along

thank you 1daat for sharing that.
truly amazing!
you teach us all
wishing you much mazal and bracha and a wonderful shabbos

Yosel, I'm sad that you would be jealous of me.  I don't know why you would be jealous, I'm sure you have your reasons, But I'm sad that somehow I'm in the mix. I read your thread.  I ask myself, "what could he possibly be jealous about?" 

Somebody give him a zetz!

UAJ, Bendy, BBBB, JackinShteeble (I like your name), and Zemmy of Long  Neck, or Great Neck Thank you for being there.  I've told quite a few people about the trip.  But coming here and posting about it, and the love you guys sent is very different.  You guys understand the backstory in your own personal ways.  Thank you very very much.

Hashem, where do you find these degenerate perverts?  You sure know how to pick us.  Thank you for the miracles we read about everyday on this site.  Thank you for keeping your promises like you always say you will.  Please keep us all close, close like so we can feel your breath on our necks.

Thanks guys.

Back to trucking.  Let's remember the cab of the truck is up high, and this is very dangerous for us.  Oy, I'm getting something lower to the ground so I can keep my eyes where they belong:

msnbcmedia4.msn.com/j/MSNBC/Components/Photo/_new/101108-wind-up-car-7a.grid-8x2.jpg

hi, i upgraded my personality to: Shmeichel
carefull there, you are crashing into that lady
besides, she has to turn the winder in the back of your truck, to trigger your engine