Haven't been on for some time. I do have slips here and there, just yesterday i was searching for somethings (weights and fintess things) and then typed in d* and i saw the s* toy. I don't see it as a fall, but it was acting out, it was lust, lust pure, i didn't give it over to G-d. (i got my little fix and then didn't go back again to it - but that picture bothered me all day then, and every time it image poped it to my head again, I had to give it over to G-d) Same thing today, I opened Youtube and wanted so bad to watch a video that was offered there (talent show) and it had a woman in a short dress. So I did click it, and there was nothing there really s* or p*. But I did click it and it was lust. I didn't go any deeper than that, but in my mind I was thinking of women's parts. I didn't jump, yelled GEWALT in my head and gave it over to G-d. 1st STEP, Hashem!!!! Please, let me yell Gewalt, even when I feel nice and cosy and safe.

That is the insanity!!!


I am sorry I had to write this.

I just listened again to SA anonymous - Harvey (on youtube) - it is really good. And I am having trouble with my lust, with my mind. Thinking it is not that bad if I just give it a little thought. I mean I didn't m* or view p*, but I feel like I could slip and fall in a second. I have been sober for some time. I mean I really try to lead a healthy and good life. I train regulary, I clean up, meditate in the morning and I give my thoughts over to G-d and most importantly, I do the work that I am required to do. That is my main issue (that is my expierence) - even though the work is hard and takes long, sit down and do it, slowly, but do it.

I am ashamed, but i must admit this. It might help someone. Lust and acting out comes to me when I am alone and when I have something to do, real work - then I usually run away to p*. I open a Youtube video of a certain therapist and let it play, while I work (like cleaning the house, dishes..., or before and sometimes even while translating). I am ashamed, because I do not perform out of my own wish of accomplishment or sense of duty...

I am having trouble with lust after the work done lately. I feel like I have arrived and that is also really bad. Or even in live, I would want the women to have some sort of contact with me, that is a bit more than it really is. Like, if a woman touches my arm, I would say thank you, that felt nice. It is isn't a problem, I do not let it lead to s* or kissing or something like that. But I don't feel right, I feel like I am using them and I see that it doesn't make them feel comfortable around me. Like I want something more to give them, so that they would feel well around me - but in reality, I think it is just lust.

Hey, how are you?

SomeoneI just asked me about you.

Wishin' you a good chodesh.

Hi all,

sorry, I haven't been here nearly two years almost. How am I doing? Well, I wouldn't be here, if I were doing great.

I made some mistakes at work, nothing big, but mistakes that the whole firm knows about now. Everybody makes mistakes and they nobody gave me a talk or anything. But there were looks, and that killed me. Now, this week I am alone, my family is all on vacation and I am alone at home. So, I saw some videos on youtube (just women dressed s*) and a movie, where there were women topless (there is a lot of that in movies, and my job demands I see movies, but maybe I could avoid it - watching came with a feeling of despair perhaps). Well I wanted to m*, but I didn't want my children to hurt because of me. So I stopped, I could maybe since it wasn't real acting out, it was slipping. If I were to act out for real, that would probably mean I would need a stronger stimulant. Yes my desease progressed, the fantasies I had are not enough, now I think i would want to go live. If that were to happen, I would not be able to stop in mid stream as I did now.
So I still don't have a therapist or attend a live SA group. But I feel like I need someone to hug and to love me knowing this me, the addict me.
I still don't want to go over my wife, like going to an SA group without telling my wife. But if I don't progress in my healing, I will progress in my falling. Vow, that is experience, not fancy talk.
Otherwise I was keeping it together, I worked really hard, tried to exercise daily, cleaned, cooked, even the relationships at home and at work are good. But the fail at work, I failed and then my world came crashing down, like all I do, comes crumbling down, just cos I am so darn incompetent, lazy and careless. At work I hugged a woman today, actors do that and she is an actress, it was a friendly thing - ok, I never hug, but she has issues probably, and felt a need for a hug, and frankly so did I, like two lost children. That can't be good.

How about I share my strength and hope?

I am here and I want to be free. I am sober today. Day 2.

Why dont you reach out and speak to some chevra here? Maybe they can replace the inappropriate hugs with kosher ones which will actually be more real.....

Hi chaver, it's so good to see you again, been a long time. You can call me or email, if you like. It's still the same phone number and my email is still wequithiding@gmail.com
at least three new guys call every week w same kind of story. You're not alone, tovarish.

Lots of love and respect,

Dov

You're not alone, tovarish.

Thank you.  I feel like crying, dude. Vow, baruch Hashem.

Funny, cuz I feel like smiling

Funny, cuz I feel like smiling

I talked to Hashem Help Me  on the phone. I feel like smiling too.

Hi Yehoshua, so nice to see you back. And you even got The Bear out of hibernation!

Sorry to hear about the hard time you're having. But stop knocking yourself down you're worth more than that. And the next thing you do you'll do well and everyone will forget about before.

Just hold on tight to that truck and keep moving forward

yehoshua wrote on 23 Feb 2018 11:39:

Welcome back.

I'mI'm jealous.

 God speed to you.

yehoshua wrote on 23 Feb 2018 14:50:

Now that's progress. And it's almost free!
Have a useful day now, pal.

Thank you guys for the war welcome. Vow, really. Thank you so much.
What I am doing?
I am just listening to Sexaholics Anonymous "Freedom of Choice" on YouTube and working.
I am doing morning exercises.
I am reading.
I am posting here.

In my head I can hear Elya (Eye.nonymous) say: Is it working?

If I am doing this stuff, doing it for real, being in this life for real, without the lazy attituted and excuses, then I am doing good. Must be honest about contacting G-d in every problem, issue, conflict. Just for real, that is the no choice part.
And I have to start to call people and let them know about me. For real as Miha. That is my real name. I am Miha, I am a lustacolik and a sexaholic. My forms of acting out is masturbation, porn, flirting, fantasizing about women, men and on thurdsay even children.

I am sick, but I am coming out. I don't have any other way out. Either I go honest here and with another person or I act out, hurt people for real and die. I have tried that feeling of being a living dead man, I can't do it anymore in any form. I never thought, but even fantasizing is leathel for me.

My strength and hope. I am smiling. Today I am sober.

P.S. I am also doing some breathing exercises from Wim Hof, and end it up with a cold shower. A good thing.

Cordnoy, why are you jealous?

Dear Miha, if you would like to be part of a group of other recovering sexaholics and lustaholics like you but aren't willing yet to do the real thing and show up at a meeting (or don't have any access to one yet), you are invited to join us on the Desperados call every Sunday and Wednesday at 12 noon till 1, New York City time. 

The call is only available to those who get the PIN directly from me by discussing their personal case clearly and honestly on on the phone or in person. 

I make absolutely certain that there are no curiosity-seekers on the call by having everyone announce their presence by their first name, and a bell goes off each time anyone comes on the call. I use the *2 function 2 count up the exact number of callers on the line to make sure it matches the names. We always have a secure line before anyone shares anything personal about themselves.

There are many International numbers to give you free local access to this call and we work the steps together with our main focus on regular open honesty about what our individual situations are. The call also gives all those who desire it, a chance to clear the air about doubts they have regarding their own recovery, about their own Yiddishkeit, about recovery and Yiddishkeit, about the true nature and extent of their problem, etc.

Above all, it gives anyone who wants to, a a chance to start making friends with other people like them. It's not nearly as powerful and fun as a real meeting, but it's certainly more realistic than the movies!