[quote="yehoshua" post=235104]Just to make it public as much as I can.

I am a porn addict and a masturbation addict. And I would like to find a prostitute. I would like to be treated like dirt, be sexually abused, I would like to escape this reality and feel like I am on the top of the world. [quote]

Life can be tough and challengin'

I can relate to most of what you write.

Can you explain the apparent contradiction in your feelin's? You wanna be treated like dirt (which, again, I understand somewhat the feelin'), and yet, you wanna feel like you're on top of the world?

Perhaps the resolution is obvious, but even so, perhaps writin' it will help you/us.

Thanks

b'hatzlachah

Thanks guys.

I am a porn addict, I am masturbation addict. I like erotic humiliation. That is why I wrote dirt.

I am on the top of the world when I masturbate and watch those photos and videos.


I am sober still.

Today I have the same feelings. I wrote down in my journal what I am doing right now (digitalizing and writing data into our database). That got me sober a bit.

Keep writin' then.

When we are at the bottom, we feel like we're at the top, and when we finish with the top, we feel like we're on the bottom.

Deleted....it sure is tough out there.

b'hatzlachah

cordnoy decided to delete the words he wrote:


First of all, I think it IS important to keep in mind that "it sure is tough out there". If we don't realize what we're up against, we won't be able to set our scopes to recovery.

BUT

We must also keep in mind that -






AND EVEN MORE IMPORTANT YET:






אבינו מלכנו....DADDY!!!!!!!

And this one is also important to remember:

Thank you so much guys. Feeling better.

I did my morning workout, shower, did my bed, ate breakfast... I try to become more and more consistant. Work hard, not give up. And thus overcome my problem of procrastination.
Still I don't run and I am not meditating and I am not reading my daily newspaper. I am slacking behind, I know that and I will try hard.

I am reading Frankl (Saying Yes to Life In Spite Of Everything). It answers so many questions of mine. Of course I am not in a concentration camp, but I am in pain and I can't get out of that. My problems are so so small when I try to compare with the KZ, forgive me. Still in my powerlesness I feel close to those words, that open so much and give me so much hope.

A good Shabbes to all.

I used to hate when people would tell me "There are others that have it worse than you!!". I used to think "yeah? and does that make my situation less painful? Great! now there are two people suffering!"

But now when I read a story of someone who has it worse than me and how they are happy, I relate with them, not in their pain, but in their acceptance, in their solution!! I can learn from them and take their experience that I be happy when I willing to be, I just need some acceptance!!

So the point isn't to compare the pain, it's to compare our outlook on pain to their outlook on it and try to learn from them!!

KOT!! KOP!!

Pidaini wrote:


gut gezogt!

that is the oimek in understanding what the rishonim say that tzaar rabim chatzi nechama and some say tzaar rabim nechama (the chinuch says this specifically regarding support in recovery from adiction, ayin sham)
it doesn't mean to take chizuk from the rabim's suffering rather from how the rabim is managing with the same nisayon

Pidaini wrote:



kilochalu wrote:



Why is that different than saying "look at that other person, he doesn't have the problem that you have"
That obviously won't help me.
So basically it's a memo-nafshach kasha, if we say that the issue is with the pain itself, then someone else having the same pain doesn't help, (like Pedaini tayned lechatchila), and if my problem is with management of the pain, and someone else with the same pain DOES mange, so then he doesn't have my problem! so its viyter not a nechamah.
Vetzorich Eeyun.

The issue isn't the pain itself but feeling that I can't manage with it. When I see others managing it helps me realize that I can do it too. (Don't misconstrue this to mean that I am in control, adraba the way to manage could very well be accepting and surrendering)

kilochalu wrote:


So my question still remains, if some1 else has the same [or even worse] pain, but they CAN manage, and I have a pain which I feel CANNOT manage, [unless I know what that person did to manage it and I feel that I can do the same thing], how would that be different than looking at someone who does not have my problem and trying to take consolation from that???

it's really simple, that person also had and has times when he "felt" he couldn't manage, but he learned a way to manage, and I can learn from him what he learned.

BTW, there was an article, in the Mishpacha family first last week, about a woman who got a very rare illness at the age of 26, it ended her marriage and most of her mobility, and she is constant pain, yet always smiling.

She said "if your life isn't the way you pictured it, that doesn't mean it's bad, it just means that it's different"!! (something to that effect, if anyone has it still they can correct it)

Now that's something that I can learn, a mindset that I can change!!!

HAven't been here for a while. All the best to everyone. I have been keeping sober, had one major slip and these days I am having slips too.

Right now I really want to go to this webpage with teases, I actually went right now, typed in google my shmutz and it opened. It is not explicit material at the beginning, but as you click continue it gets more and more intensive.

So this is my step, I am here.

All the best to You guys.

This linked helped me out https://guardyoureyes.com/the-12-steps/item/we-must-replace-the-lust?category_id=162

Again today, went through my gratitude list and asked Hashem tthat I may find the same pleasure in Him, that I find in pornography. And I am here, openly admitting. It would be great to be able to call some one...

Hi ,Yehoshua.

I'd be happy to shmoooze. We can chat on Google: my user name is 'ineedchizuk'

Sorry you're having a rough time