yehoshua


Just two quick points.

1) The only person I am able to control is myself. The only person you are able to control is yourself. We cannot control others. We can only make sure that we do the right thing and behave the right way.

2) Everything is hashgacha protis. It all comes from Hashem and it's all good. Someone did something you don't like? Relax and remember that it couldn't have happened if it weren't Hashem's wish.

But Hashem doesn't want you to be Shlomo...
He wants you to be Yehoshua. And if you do that, then you'll fulfill your purpose in this world.
For example, I have an awful voice. I can't sing to save my life. Which is a big shame, because I love music. However, I've long given up wishing that I had a good voice- it's not going to happen, Hashem didn't give me a good voice, end of.
So Hashem didn't make you a Shlomo Hamelech. But there was only one Shlomo Hamelech in the whole of history! The same way there's only one you in the whole of history! Look for what you do have, the talents that you've been given. Take them, and put them into serving Hashem and performing your task in this world. That will get you to a place as high as all the great people who have ever lived.
I'm writing this to myself as well- I'm a long way from genuine self acceptance. We're all in this together.
Keep going! We're all with you!

Yehoshua,
I stopped by your blog to let you know that I had a great chizzuk from your journey. You are way ahead of me on the 90 day chart. I like to look above me on the chart to gain strength from the successes of others. I am going through a tough time now so I looked at your progress. I'm sure you worked hard to get to where you are so I will too. I look forward to meeting up with you on the next chart after we achieve our 90!

pischoshelmacha tnx ever so much, that gave me tons of strength. I hope Hashem brings out a giantic smile from You every morning.

Zvi, I am a poor little fish and you are a mountain... So, Your words make me feel a little bigger fish. I might call myself FISCHL now, since I did grow a bit thanks to You guys.

Day 28.

Skeptical, I browsed a bit for prayers on resentment. So I printed out 4 pages of prayer that I take every where. They correspond to 12 step.

Indeed it is all His will.

All the best to You guys!!!!

My update:
Hm, I get a lot of criticism lately. And I feel resentment. But then in this prayer I pray for the person that wronged me, that I want to feel for the person as I would for a sick person. Then it gets cristal clear, was the criticism right or wrong. Do I need to admit that I am wrong right there and then or is the person I am speaking to really "sick" and has a character fault.

Like, yesterday I prayed like that for my wife as we had an argument. But then as I prayed the resentment prayer it didn't feel right. She spoke loudly and nervously, she yelled, that hurted me and I needed to pray. But the prayer didn't feel right, because she was right.

That was a bit hard to accept, but I did. And I am still accepting it.

Hm, new stuff is before me, a new task. And I feel like acting out. My fears are here, so I hope i can accept that and Hashem just takes that away.

All the best to You guys.

Yehoshua, thanks for reminding me that the truth hurts.

Hey Yehoshua, it seems a lot of people really like you...and they are not just the virtual people.



Thanks for sharing all that, friend.

So perhaps I should just leave the forum now on a high note, like George in Seinfeld.


Uf, did anyone see that show, where they made a bet, that they wouldn't m*. And they all did, George won but only cos he cheated, even Elain did it real soon. They couldn't sleep, couldn't think, they were agitated cos they didn't get that release. Like Dov said, the reset button.

It's like an alcoholic, why can't he have a nice cold beer when it's evening, summer and all he needs is to relax. Why?

And why can't I relax a bit in front of some nice girl, dancing for me and showing me her all? Why, can't i take of steam? Would it be so bad? Just a little?

So here I am, my other tab has smutz written in YouTube. All I need to do is switch tabs and relax. But I am shaking all over as I am writing this.


I am so helpless, so helpless, that I don't even grasp it.

I am not doing any of the stuff I said I would, cos I have been working really hard and at 10pm when I could go for a run or read or study or anything, I just lay on the couch with my wife and watch telly. It is nice, but it is also scary. Yesterday we worked so hard, all they. All the exams and then a financial revision at here workplace. SOrry for going in details.

But I am failing in life. And I don't want to relax a bit really, I just want to escape, cos I am afraid. I can't cope.

So here I am Hashem, writing, posting. Being honest, do You hear me!?

We're in the same boat Yehoshua, the same boat.

We need to blow off all that steam before opening youtube on the other tab, before opening youtube on the other tab.

Yeah before even opening YouTube..



Hm, blow off steam.


Darn, I am helpless. And an addict.

First stage of recovery! Admitting your helplessness, and the fact that you're addicted...
You're on your way, heilige yid!

Hi Yehoshua - thanks for being so clear and frank. After reading your past few posts, I want to ask you if you have recently read through the first six or seven pages of AA's chapter 5?

How was that for a short response?

yehoshua
keep the faith
be strong
Hashem is with you and all of us

I just noticed this:

When one has sinned, instead of continuing to defy his creator, which is akin to chametz, the rising of the dough, one should make himself like dirt, as Hashem rests His Presence on those who are humble and downtrodden.

One who insists on remaining arrogant will be liable kares, i.e. he cannot reside together with Hashem, which is defined by 'Hashem not resting His Presence on him.'

Once a person recognizes his unworthiness, he is akin to dirt, and Hashem will rest His Presence on him.

That's us man!
We recognize it.
Do you think He wants to hear from us...we are so low!?

Answer.....(resoundingly): YES!!!!!

There is this great dialog in Andrei Rublov from Tarkovski, where the master painter Andrei says to his student: you were different before, you were honest and you tried hard.


And that I guess it is all that it takes: honesty and trying hard.

yehoshua wrote:

You need to try hard to be honest.

Another day, it is so beautiful outside and my baby asleep and me in front of the comp. Guess what is running through my mind.

So this is me being honest. Trying hard to be honest.

I have tons of things to do and I feel after I have done them, I will not be ....


Hashem, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.

P.S. And Dov tnx, I forgot to write that, I am reading through the 5th step.