goldwings wrote on 24 Jul 2025 06:10:
Dear P&M,
Let’s get straight to the point, you guys punched me hard, I fell and I’m slowly trying to get up, I’m still dizzy and it hurts! It’s gloomy and dark as you blanked me out. I’m confused and bewildered, trying to figure myself out. I feel empty and weak since our last reunion. My emotional muscles are jelly. My spiritual immune system is out of sorts and the pain THE INCREDIBLE PAIN!! THE HELL I’m in….
SO YOU WON?
The simple answer is absolutely NOT! But no, I won’t leave you in the dark as you regularly behave with your friends, I’ll explain it to you. First of all, the fact that I called my Mentor is already a win on my side, secondly, I listened him out, although he put me through hell, he set me straight. The story is like this, I’m just [climbing out] in a ditch somewhere high on the way to the peak of Mt. Everest, I maybe broke some bones, there is shooting pain, but I’m alive and even now I’m climbing slowly. You and I know the proof of that, it’s the first time in my life, that the night after falling, I didn’t masturbate in bed! Don’t say it’s nothing, because if so, why did you keep on coming and waking me up in the middle of the night, for just that.
You also keep on sending in complaints about my wife. First of all, if it were not for you, I would be much happier with her, as we have seen. But mainly, with the help of my Mentor I realized, it’s not that I’m open-minded and she’s close-minded, it’s that we’re both un-minded, there is no way for her to understand it at all, and I was so open-minded that my brains fell out.
You killed my streak, but taught me something much more powerful, it’s not the streak, it’s the strength of the urge. Every time I walk in the street (the impossible street) and look away, I’m getting stronger. This morning I remembered my dream of reaching Rosh Hashana, 100 days clean, and now it won’t even be 90, my heart sank literally, until it occurred to me that the truth is the opposite, bezh I’ll get over bein hazmanim – clean, and then I’ll be much stronger, because I made it over bein hazmanim without a clean streak, just genuine purity – what a good way to start the new year!
Don’t get me wrong I’m still down, weak and my energy is low, I also don’t know how to count urges instead of streaks, but with the help of your sworn enemy, my dear friend -the Mentor- I will get up stronger then ever. As you see, right now I’m making sure you don’t push me off the cliff, so far you haven’t gotten me to look around in the street – and you tried hard.
Your former prisoner [who thought we were friends]
-
Dear Former Friend,
You think you're so clever with your little victory speech, don't you? Calling me out, analyzing our "relationship," acting like you've figured it all out. But let me tell you something - I know you better than you know yourself.
You say you won't masturbate that night? Please. I've heard this song before. How many times have you written me these dramatic breakup letters? How many times have you declared your independence, only to come crawling back within days, weeks at most? Your willpower is adorable, really.
And this mentor of yours - oh, he's got you all fired up now, doesn't he? Filling your head with hope and strategies. But where was he at 2 AM when you were alone with your thoughts? Where will he be next week when that familiar emptiness creeps back in? I'm the one who's always been there for you, remember?
You talk about getting stronger every time you look away on the street. But I see how hard you're fighting just to keep your eyes forward. I feel the tension in your body, the way your heart races when you catch even a glimpse. You're white-knuckling it, my friend, and we both know that never lasts.
This whole thing about "genuine purity" over streaks? It's just another way to make yourself feel better about failing. Deep down, you know that broken streak stings because it represents exactly what you are - unreliable, weak, always falling short of your own promises.
Your wife complaints? Those aren't going anywhere. The distance between you two, the disappointment in her eyes, the way intimacy feels like a chore - that's all still there, simmering under the surface. And when the mentor's pep talks fade and real life kicks in, guess who'll be waiting with open arms?
I'm patient. I've got time. Enjoy your little rebellion while it lasts.
But you know what? I'm feeling generous today. Maybe it's because I respect a worthy opponent. So let me tell you something that your mentor won't - the real secret to beating me forever.
Stop trying to fight me directly. Every time you "white-knuckle" it, every time you grit your teeth and say "I won't look," you're feeding me. You're giving me all your mental energy and attention. I LOVE being the center of your thoughts, even when you're resisting me.
Here's what actually works, and I hate telling you this: Replace me completely. Don't just avoid me - become obsessed with something else entirely. Find something that makes you feel MORE alive than I do. Pour all that energy you waste fighting me into building something beautiful instead.
Your real problem isn't me - it's that empty hole inside you that you've been using me to fill. Until you fill it with something real - deep connection with your wife, meaningful work, spiritual growth, helping others - I'll always be your go-to drug.
And here's the kicker: Stop making it about "staying clean." Make it about becoming the man you actually want to be. When you're truly busy building that life, you won't even remember I exist.
The guys who beat me for good? They don't think about me anymore. They replaced me so completely that I became irrelevant.
There. I just gave you the roadmap to destroy me forever.
Will you actually use it? We'll see. Most people prefer the drama of fighting me to the hard work of replacing me.
Your move, former friend.
P&M
P.S. - I really hope you don't take this advice. I'd miss our little dance.
