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Goodbye Letter To P&M
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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!
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TOPIC: Goodbye Letter To P&M 140 Views

Goodbye Letter To P&M 13 Jul 2025 16:39 #438814

  • goldwings
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Dear P&M

I’ll start with you Mr. M because you started with me. I was smart and gifted above average my brain wasn’t getting stimulated enough, I used to get told off and put down, because I was wise beyond my years [I wouldn’t listen and still get 100 on the test]. My parents had 10+ children, they didn’t have much time for me. The [clean] little me started searching…  I was young and stupid I didn’t understand my body, so you came to me in complete disguise -you acted as if you were me- and told me “check out what happens when you do this…” from there you “opened” my brain, teasing me about all those gemaras that the Rebbi skipped, plus some random questions about marriage. In no time me and some other poor little kids figured everything out.

OK, you won, I was hooked, because you told me “wow! look how good it feels, it relieves your stress, keeps your mind stimulated and you know more than those close minded bachurim.” I masturbated a lot, you kept on pushing for more. You got me some magazines etc. with inappropriate pics [not highly inappropriate -you didn’t need that yet- just enough for catching me]. The years past, I needed more, so slowly you introduced me to your friend Mr. P. At first you just sent me to the “right” magazine shop, I bought the magazine and Mr. P came into my life. Now you Mr. P, you explained that pics are not enough, we got to get videos, you helped me find some videos. Eventually, I was learning in Eretz Yisroel, you found the internet kiosks, and I was hooked. I got married and I’m living in EY, I like an idiot thought it will all be over, I’ll divorce you guys and marry my lovely wife, but you don’t leave your friends so easily. You told me it's not cheating, everyone does it, but after I listened to you, you told me "you're a cheat nobody does it!" You made me get into petty fights with my wife, so that I'll have an excuse for using. You found any stupid blemish in my truly beautiful -from inside and outside- wife, you blew it up and made me forget all the real things she has to offer.

I hear you’ve been asking about me lately, so I’ll be nice and tell you, I won’t mince any words. You and I know how much I’ve been trying to get rid of you, DISGUSTING Mr. P&M, YOU KILLED ME!! You made me a shadow of my true self, you reduced my self esteem to rubble, you took away all my friends, you threw away my talents, you robbed my happiness, you stole my years, you ridded me of love, of tranquility, you numbed my emotions, I HATE YOU!!!! I HATE YOU!!!!

Truth to be told you did give me somethings I’ll just list a few [I hope you forgive me for not writing it all], depression, cloudiness in my mind, loneliness, emptiness, the tears you didn’t let me shed, THE PAIN I CAN’T BEGIN TO EXPLAIN! THE TORTURE YOU PUT ME THROUGH!!!!! NO! hate is not enough for you!

The feeling after using, HOW CAN YOU DO IT TO A HUMAN BEING?! NO! I CAN’T EXPLAIN THE FEELING AFTER USING NOR CAN I EXPLAIN HELL! If you want to experience hell, JUST USE! [btw that’s another thing you gave me, HELL, you should advertise as follows: THE HELL EXPERIENCE – JUST A CLICK AWAY FROM YOU!] I don’t know how a human being can endure it!

Hashem sent me to GYE after a spiritual awakening, at first you laughed, because I swore, I won’t post on the forum or get a partner and surely not talk to someone and you knew that I won’t be able to get away from you otherwise. But YOU’RE A BIG FAT IDIOT! Because I also swore thousands of times that I’ll never use. HA! What happened to that? I think breaking that shevuah is a tikkun for all those times. Well I have a mentor and I speak to him over the phone! Btw last time you came to me and you couldn't win over me, it was his "fault" -credit- I spoke to him, he made it all clear and saved me, I love him and hate you. To top it all off he advises me in intimacy and all aspects of marriage, I don't need your advice and I have someone to uproot the TRASH you planted in my head. NO, I DO NOT REGRET getting in touch with him for even one second!

Now I can tell you that if chas vishalom I would not be able to have sex with my wife – and that's truly bad- but I would have her love, her heart and you would give me another choice to have as much sex as I wish, all my life with one of your women, I would spit in your face and GRAB MY LOVELY WIFE! Because there is NO LOVE WHATSOEVER in your stupid industry only PAIN and HELL absolute HELL.

You have been asking what do I think I’ll get from quitting you, first of all even if I get back only one of the things you took it’s enough! Let me explain the feeling, I feel comfortable in my own skin, my heart is bursting with love for my wife and children, my brain is clear, I don’t feel like I lost all my gains spiritually, I AM NOT A CHEAT! I’m trying to reclaim my life!

In 2 years I will still be learning in Kollel I’ll come home feeling fulfilled my wife will meet me by the door, smiling and I’ll smile back a true genuine smile my face will be shining! In Kollel I’ll be utilizing my kochos, helping people, giving people advice, everyone will wonder what the HE** happened to me I’ll truly be happy!

Now Mr. P&M GOODBYE!!! I’m so happy to let you go, I don’t want to have anything to do with you! GO! I know you’re going to try to get me back, I was a big fish, but NO!!!!!, AND IF YOU DO GET ME ONCE I’LL BE RIGHT BACK ON TRACK! BECAUSE I’M DONE WITH YOU!!!! I’M SICK OF YOU!! GET OUT OF MY LIFE!!!!!!!

BYE!!! NEVER SEE YOU AGAIN!!!!!

From your former “friend” [at least we thought so]

Re: Goodbye Letter To P&M 13 Jul 2025 16:52 #438816

Truly a beautiful letter!

Wishing you the best of Hatzlacha!

SSSL's Story (Google Doc)​ [You will need to request permission, which I'm happy to give.]
Holy In Jerusalem (My Thread)

Feel free to say hi or send some chizuk over @ stopsurvivingstartliving2024@gmail.com.
My google voice number got shut down, so I won't be able to receive or send messages from there.

Re: Goodbye Letter To P&M 13 Jul 2025 18:31 #438821

  • daverose2
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Hey welcome back was actually starting to get nervous about you. We didnt hear from you in a while.
Beautiful letter!!! Happy to hear your doing well!
Wishing you the best of hatzlacha moving foward.

From another kolel yingerman in EY!
feel free to say hi! Here is my new email. daverosea2.0@gmail.com

Re: Goodbye Letter To P&M 14 Jul 2025 10:14 #438859

  • dove1
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Wow thank you for sharing. 

Re: Goodbye Letter To P&M 14 Jul 2025 19:08 #438893

  • hashemisonmyside
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wow! so beautifully written... although it's not so easy to get rid of him, but with the help of the GYE family it's defiantly a huge push to break free
Feel free to reach out abe.k1234@gmail.com 347-841-6794 (Google Voice)

Great free resources:
My favorite book for breaking free: The Battle of the Generation https://guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/the-battle-of-the-generation. Change your attitude and change your life!
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