BS"D

Hi, I'm Dove, I was given permission to write here.

This is my first time taking about my problem in public, I have only told this to selected people privately.



I'm 21 years old, I have no wife, no friends (at least in my city), and I am in the process of conversion in a city where there is no Jewish community. I have felt that there is no way to stop future falls, so I am going to at least try here.

I have a filtered computer in whitelist mode (I don't know anyone else who does this).



I plan to vent here, because knowing that others know what I'm going through is enough chizuk to keep me going.I plan to write here every day that I have some time, today I start with day 0 of being clean.



Berachot!

Welcome Dove!

Sounds like you're in a tough life situation these days. I'm sorry to hear that.

Stick around, post, connect, work, learn, grow, and you'll be flying from the nest in no time.

Hatzlacha!

Day 1:

I had to go to college and Baruch Hashem I have high myopia and astigmatism to take my glasses off when I'm on the street, but I ride a bike. Although it is a little dangerous it has worked.

In the classes I sit in the front chairs so as not to have women in sight, although unfortunately in one class a woman also sat in one of the front chairs so I was a little distracted.

Now I need to study and I guess I should use YouTube but most likely I will end up doing things other than studying. I can get distracted just because a female teacher shows up. Any advice on using YouTube?

Ty chosemyshem

Hey dove
Sounds like you are in a challenging place.  Social isolation is something that can really get you down. I'm sorry to hear it is so difficult for you. You are very courageous for taking this so seriously. I'd love to hear more about you! 
Wishing you much success on your journey!

Day 2:

Today I had a hard time getting out of bed, because I didn't have to go to college and I didn't know what to do, but I remembered that I am telling you about my day to day and you give me good wishes, and that gave me enough strength to get up and I remembered that I had pending tasks, so I got down to work.

I have a filtered computer so that I can't install any programs, as the websites I can access are limited.

I did this to have a computer with internet access 100% free of pornography.

But the disadvantage is that they ask me for programs that I have to use to do college work. Or other websites that they ask me to access, or even to update the programs I already have so they can work, I can't do any of that. And that discourages me a lot.

If it wasn't for you guys, I can assure you that I would have had a fall today.

Todah.

Day 3:

Today I woke up like a lion. I don't know what the balance should be between filters and what one should use the internet for. But I felt confident so I asked my partner who manages my network to allow me a website to download the programs I needed.

Everything was a success. But I don't know whether to leave it or remove the website.

...

I think everyone who wants to take care of their eyes should block all browser images and allow images only on sites that are safe.

When I can I would like to manage the whitelist filters of others to help you, whoever wants to can write me privately to do so in the next few days. I would love to help.

Day 4:

Nothing to highlight.

Just that I don't have a smartphone and I don't want to have one, but at the university they use WhatsApp a lot, most of the subjects have a WhatsApp group, it's the main way of communication between students and I can't find a way to remove the profile pictures on the smartphones.
I have already lost scores for not having a smartphone.

What I currently do is to have WhatsApp open on my mom's smartphone while I use WhatsApp Web on my desktop computer where I can get rid of the images. I don't know what to do.



....


Chag Purim Sameach.

I share my progress of the last 30 days here (Something else means ejaculation)

dove63 wrote on 14 Mar 2025 01:04:

Shalom Brother Dove,

On the score card that counts you may have broken through the ceiling. 

Hang in there, keep following your principles, and BezH it will work out for you.

Hatzlacha and Purim Sameach to you as well