Hi All,

For the first time in 30 years - since I was 7 years old - I have been 79 days really clean. This is probably my best shot to 90 days and beyond, and I intend to keep at it.  For several reasons I am having a bit of a struggle on this stretch, so instead of just browsing the GYE forum when I am not feeling down and not up to work/life, I am starting my own thread.

What works for me - Keeping a healthy lifestyle (as much as I can in a very challenging situtation), davening, turning over my issues to Hashem, acceptance, vayimaen videos on 24/6, gentech filter that sometimes makes me crazy, infrared light therapy to the eiver, and a lot of gratitude - even for the hard times.  

Hashem is also giving me insanity therapy - that's when he makes your life absolutely insane so you have no menuchas hanefesh. No need to kvetch here but it is truly insane. It's probably necessary in order to forget חיזו דהאי עלמא.

No need for any pats on the back - that privilege is gone long ago. But I just need to share to keep my own focus and appreciation for my process. Thank you all for the shared journey!

Shoutout and a lot of thanks to menachemgye for everything you invested in me.

Having struggles is normal. 

What have you done until now to hit 79 days?

What works for me - Keeping a healthy lifestyle (as much as I can in a very challenging situation), davening, turning over my issues to Hashem, acceptance, vayimaen videos on 24/6, gentech internet filter that sometimes makes me crazy, infrared light therapy to the eiver, and a lot of gratitude - even for the hard times.  

yossis.smart wrote on 21 Jan 2025 18:10:

Amazing! Everything on the list I think I understand, but what's the infrared light therapy?

Something my wife discovered on her healing journey from debilitating lyme disease - you can look up red light therapy.  It has a lot of healing properties. She wanted me to try using it - there's no way to know for sure to what degree it helps vis a vis other things I am doing , but I find it that I have less desires/urges afterwards, especially when i am on a regular 2x day regimen.

FYI While there are many scientific articles about this therapy online, I don't recommend you look up devices for purchase - there are usually pictures of non-tzniusdik women exercising with it.

Tough day today. As a Government program and compliance director for my local rapidly growing cheder, I was just asked by the school administrator to lie to the government so he could make an extra 100K, or risk losing my job (parnassah has generally been the pits for a looong time along with huge expenses for my wife's health recovery). 
Big win for me - I said an unequivocal no. 
This coming from a guy who used to lie HABITUALLY until the point I couldn't tell a lie from the truth if it hit me in the face, especially with a dark secret I held for many years and revealed to my wife a few months back.
Bh for 81 sober days. I hope I can hang in for 82!

Wow its people like you that give me the inspiration i need. not giving up after so long, so keep fighting !!! 

83 days. One week left to 90! Wow Hashem is making this extra hard. I need to give up the concept that since I got so far, I deserve some help from above to make it easier.
Maybe that wasn't in the life contract. Whoops! 
Ok gotta keep trucking. No other option.

Extra extra hard today. Life is over-the-top challenging. Wife is very negative. I don't begrudge it to her. bank accounts are way in the negative, and i dont know how im going to take care of my wife's diet and health purchases today.

HP - a video came up from vayimaen last night talking about not giving up when it feels like you're working hard and you are getting slapped in the face more by life.

Hanging tight to sobriety - I know that is always a choice and a positive in my spiritual bank account.

keep it up smart yossi! we feel for you here's a warm hug! hope you can feel it!! hope things calm down a little but for now keep on fighting!

wow 86 days. If I was going through 5% of what i go through now 5 months ago - I would have been a goner. Hashem is testing the limits of my sobriety and so far its holding.  A lot of faith needed that I can get through what seems insurmountable.

I am hopeful I will make it to 90 days. What will happen afterwards? I guess I'll just have to go for 91 days.

I'm thinking about celebrating 90 days, but I don't think it would be wise to announce a victory party to the local community. How is it traditionally done on GYE?

So sorry to hear you are struggling with parnassah. That is a huge trigger for me as well, so I can relate. Amazing work fighting the good fight despite all the stress you are under. Kudos to you!

Ok deep breath - made it through a really challenging stretch today. Hashem is taking care of me and my family - he is just making it really tough.  Maybe kaporas avoinos? Maybe teaching me I can manage a challenging time and stay sober? Teaching me empathy for others in this space? Maybe its insanity therapy?

Whatever the case, gotta keep trucking. Maybe I'll understand after 120, maybe earlier.

main thing is - 87 days sober.