That's awesome! I know that feeling too, honestly it's a big relief. Keep it up!!

Had a tiny slip today but otherwise doing good (read: only, ok lighting Menorah was good as well) in the Kedusha aspect.

Got a hold of some porn today and ended it off with masturbation. I don't even have a taiva to masturbate again now in the shower because the last time I did it twice in one day I had cramps for the next few hours.

The darkness of Yiush is what I see when taking a peek into my binoculars.

אל תתייאש אחי! ישועת ה' הכרף עין! ממש ככה

Lived the yiush for 25 years. 

But there are ways to break free. 
What are you doing differently than last time you fell? 
What are you doing at the moment? Have you reached out and gotten help? 
Some physicist (don't know who) said that items moving, won't stop unless something stops them. 
So humans are the same. If we do the same things we have done, then the results will stay the same.
Nothing is going to change 'by itself' 
do you have people to talk to? Friends? People that understand what you are going through? 
Not just on the forums here but people you can call regularly to shmooze and boost you up?

stopsurvivingstartliving wrote on 02 Jan 2025 00:22:

Boy do I know what yiush feels like.... though if I'm being honest, my feeling of yiush isnt necessarily the same as yours..... hence, all I can say is I feel your pain, brother, and hope you can pull out....

Muttel

Ouch!
I feel your pain brother. It is so tangible it can be cut with a knife.
Try to look back at all you accomplished until now. Take pride in it because it can never be taken away from you!
It should serve as a springboard to even greater accomplishments be"h. You see you have it in you to do!
Chazak V'amatz1

In a quaint diamond store, a diligent worker dedicated his days to the art of crafting stunning gems. One fateful afternoon, however, as he polished a particularly exquisite diamond, his hand slipped, and the unthinkable happened—the diamond shattered. Overcome with embarrassment at his blunder, he chose to remain silent, believing that confession would only compound his shame.

As days turned into weeks, the worker found himself unable to face his boss, the weight of his guilt creating an invisible barrier between them. The unease festered within him, and rather than confront the situation, he increasingly avoided his employer. When a rival jeweler extended an enticing job offer, he seized the opportunity as an escape from his shame, oblivious to the heartache it would bring.

Unbeknownst to him, his departure pierced his boss deeply. Driven by concern, the owner approached the worker and gently expressed his feelings, “I understand why you chose to keep the diamond’s mishap to yourself. Your avoidance is also something I can relate to. But if your choice to escape your embarrassment means abandoning your responsibilities and hurting me further, that is a burden too heavy for me to bear.”

When a person stumbles and falls, the Ribono Shel Olam reassures us: “I can handle this; there’s always a path for teshuva.” Yet, succumbing to yiush is a different matter altogether. Choosing to give up, is like joining the competition instead of facing one’s mistakes, which causes even greater harm than the initial fall itself.

Of course it hurts, but don't throw in the towel buddy! As they say in Hebrew "עברנו את פרעה, נעבור גם את זה"!

With much love,
- Yiftach'l

Hey, I just saw your post and wanted to give you a hug and extend my hand to help you up and get you back on your feet. You are a strong warrior in this battle and sometimes you fall but you keep getting up which is the only way to keep going. At this point take it one day at a time.
You have a lot of friends supporting you here, keep reaching out and posting.
I am feeling such powerful emotions for you that I can't even think of any unsolicited advice to give, just boundless love and care.
Hatzlacha hang in there!

I thought it goes "עברנו את הים, נעבור גם את זה"!

Can someone explain to me how to leave yeshiva without giving my relatives a minor heart attack?

#AvarnuEtHayamNaavorGamEtZeh

stopsurvivingstartliving wrote on 05 Jan 2025 22:36:

Sounds rough. 

I would first ask, friend, where do you want to go?
The first step would be to have a somewhat developed plan. Vayeileich is usually better than Vayeitzei. 

The step of how to deal with relative’s reactions would, I think, be connected to the way to sell the alternative plan… 

Speak to someone for guidance (did I hear someone say HHM?) 

yiftach wrote on 02 Jan 2025 21:39:

Gorgeous mashal. Halevai we can all keep this in mind!

chaimoigen wrote on 05 Jan 2025 23:49:

Just to clarify: 
I am not advocating Vayeilach. 
Yiftach’s deep and touching Mashal (which I just saw) could be applicable here too. 
My point is that a person need to know what he wants. Not just what he doesn’t want. 
That’s one of the hardest questions. But it is probably the question that comes before anything else.

Here’s a hug,
מאן דבעי חיים.