stopsurvivingstartliving wrote on 13 Sep 2024 14:26:

Waiting to hear good news om MTsh

In the luxury of the living-room, two pairs of sparkling eyes met,
Flickering with hope, a shared goal was set.
So much baggage we both carry, but one aim in sight,
Purity and cleanliness, to conquer this beastly fight.

A person wishing to transform desire's fiery flame,
Into a blaze dedicated to ridding this shame.
Seeking to fill each day with purpose and light,
With a fire in his eyes, determined to stand tall and fight.

I envy your resolve to turn the page at this stage,
One day we'll dance together to the song of victory's wage.
I believe in you, and so do countless others, it's true,
Now it's your turn to believe, and I know you do too.

Together we'll rise, break free from this dark chain,
And dance in the sunlight, no longer in pain.
Your determination inspires, it's a sight to behold,
With every step you take, you're writing a story bold.

So remember, my friend, as you face this great test,
You're not alone in this journey, we wish you the best.
With hope in your heart and fire in your soul,
You'll emerge triumphant, achieving your goal.

You will walk out victorious, with strength and might,
Embracing the victory, basking in the victorious light.

- Yiftach'l

Shabbos day 6 was Clean.

stopsurvivingstartliving wrote on 15 Sep 2024 12:20:

Thank you fo proving me right....

stopsurvivingstartliving wrote on 15 Sep 2024 12:20:

You’re on a roll. Keep it up. Stay holy in Jerusalem 

Agreed. Karma is meaningless. The main
thing is that you are staying holy despite your struggles. Stay living! 

Karma isn't that important but I wouldn't call it meaningless. It gives a slight indication of whether you are performing well. Lowering someone's karma daily is wrong. I also had to hide my karma because someone was doing that to me. It doesn't bother me that much not to display my karma but I have no internal way of knowing whether I am performing well anymore unless someone responds to my posts.

Day 7 Clean.

I went out today and decided that this walk I want to watch my eyes. I walked out and literally every other second I had to physically pull away my head from things I wanted to stare at. Then it hit me. This means every time I walk out and don't make that conscious (and very hard) decision, my brain is consuming that much crap!!!
I am not exactly sure where to go with this but I figured it doesn't hurt to share.

#ONEWEEKCOMPLETE!!!

Pretty soon, you won’t need to be constantly battling not to look, it will be ingrained in you, bezh…..

Keep up the good work, brother!

Muttel

Day 8 Clean.

Something I have to work on is being proud of myself on days that are a bit harder and I make it through. Inasmuch as I can beat myself up for having falls when I fall, I at least should pat myself on the back when I make it through a hard day.

Thank you guys for always being there with an open ear. Good Night from Jerusalem!

stopsurvivingstartliving wrote on 16 Sep 2024 22:33:

This is always one of the hardest things. You need to learn how to be fair to yourself & reward yourself when you accomplish

redfaced wrote on 16 Sep 2024 22:50:

Woodford also works. 

These accomplishments which may be perceived as small steps, are the foundations and groundwork for a bright future. Definitely a reason to celebrate. 

Next time, come with two schnapps cups...

stopsurvivingstartliving wrote on 16 Sep 2024 22:33:

True words, those. 

It’s important to accept, friend, that your Avoda is what you can do today.

And if you do that, you’ve accomplished something worth celebrating! 

Your Nisyonos, achievements, goals, successes and celebrations should be those appropriate for who you are today. Same with how you view your slips and perceived failures. If you accomplish something that’s hard for you today, that special. 

Holding yourself to and measuring yourself by a standard not of of who you are today, but of who you think you ought to be, isn’t realistic. And I dare say that it’s not what Hashem wants (though I don’t know if I can speak for Him).

היום אם בקולו תשמעו 
Here’s a hug for today. 

tomorrow has a different Avoda, one that You can do ! 

Hazlacha!

SSSL,

Of course chaimoigen always puts it perfectly so. If I can just add, as someone who has been down more recently, your advancing can be seen (with the requisite work - which I’m sure you’re doing) almost day by day… so although today, getting through one day is a big accomplishment, and you feel a little dumb by that, because hey I’m a knocker, don’t worry. In 10 or 20 or 30 days from now, beH it’ll be a different playing field. 

So, you worry about today only, but know that things will beh shift…….

Muttel

Day 9 Clean.

To quote @smokey:

When I started out this battle I was very much into streaks, it was all about 30 and then 90 days, when I would masturbate on day 12 I masturbated 2 or 3 times to "chap arein" before I started the streak again.
This cycle repeated itself multiple times, and was a big part of my journey. I made it once to 30 something days and then another time to 47 but I paid big time for it, the rest of the 2 years I spent fighting for the streaks, and feelings like a failure because I consistently fell short.

This is something I could relate to 100 percent. My past few falls since I started counting streaks played out exactly like that. Right now I am trying to stay clean because I think I will be a happier person staying clean. But I won't deny that if I c''v fall I can totally imagine thoughts like "do it again before you restart" would show up in my head. This doesn't exactly shtim with my first motivation to stay clean so I am not really sure what the pshat is. If anyone has a pshat I am open ears.