I would start with a one on one anonymous call.
HHM (Hashem Help Me) has helped more people than I can count and is definitely the right person for the first call. You can private message him or email him at
michelgelner@gmail.com
i would be happy to speak with you as well. Please feel free to PM me.
There are ways to setup an anonymous Google voice account.
I spent so many years of hopelessness thinking I was all alone. That sense of Yiush is the YH number one tool in this battle. These forums are an unbelievable tool but talking about this with someone real is what is really needed to start to turn the tide of this battle.