Lying in bed last night, I wanted to M. Then, I said to myself, "what else could I do?" Went downstairs, got my headphones, and listened to music and a podcast. It's easier to say 'no' to M and then 'yes' to something else than just 'no'.

Day #14

(And a reminder to myself, LONGEST STREAK: 233 Days, CUMULATIVE CLEAN DAYS: 1379 Days)

How's it going ? 

How's it going ?

Thanks to Hashem for filters.

Day #19

I wish you all a good week. 

Day #20

Good morning, everyone.

I continue to struggle to stay clean from P and/or M. Sometimes I fall because I have a biological urge, sometimes I am triggered by something I see, sometimes I just fall because at this point it has become נעשית לו כהיתר (it is just part of what I do). I don't want that anymore. I haven't wanted that anymore for a long time (17 years). I have never made peace with the situation and I have never despaired. I hope you reading this won't despair either.

I want to try something that I think will motivate me. I want to have a "yes" count. How many times during the day did I say "yes" to living a life of אמונה, קדושה, ונקיות (exclusively to the P and M struggle). Any time that I stop myself from entering into a triggering environment and כל שכן when I stop myself from P or M, that is a "yes" to living a faithful, holy, and clean life. I guess this is kind of the thrust of the Battle of the Generation book that many of us are familiar with.

I have written before about how the negative action -- avoiding a behavior -- is more challenging than a positive action. I hope that this change in perspective will help me.

The Counts
Clean Days: 1 day
Cumulative Clean Days (Since Jan 2020): 1390 days
"Yes" Count (Week of Shoftim): 5 yeses
Cumulative "Yes" Count (Started Sept 2024): 5 yeses

שבע יפול צדיק וקם wrote on 02 Sep 2024 13:57:

Shalom Brother,
I love the idea.
Those 'yes' moments are very precious.
If it feels right, perhaps follow up your 'yes' with a brief tefilla for anything and see how that makes you feel?  
Hatzlacha

שבע יפול צדיק וקם wrote on 02 Sep 2024 13:57:

Fantastic idea! Dealing with this struggle in a positive way.. kol hakavod!
A practical tip: a Talicounter might come to good use for this type of Count!

Keep it up.. youre amazing!

Good morning. I ended the day yesterday with six yeses. Six times where I stuck to my principles and chose morality and eternal life over a few fleeting moments of eye candy and sensory pleasure. The first five were not avoiding triggers and the sixth was actually saying 'no' to an urge to look at P. Already got a "yes" today when I stopped myself from using my work computer for a non-work purpose, which can eventually lead to triggers or worse.

The Counts
Clean Days: 2 day
Cumulative Clean Days (Since Jan 2020): 1391 days
"Yes" Count (Week of Shoftim): 12 yeses
Cumulative "Yes" Count (Started Sept 2024): 12 yeses

Good morning. I had another "yes" yesterday and also had a fall last night. I plan to text a GYE connection or two at night for extra accountability.

The Counts
Clean Days: 0 days
Cumulative Clean Days (Since Jan 2020): 1391 days
"Yes" Count (Week of Shoftim): 13 yeses
Cumulative "Yes" Count (Started Sept 2024): 13 yeses

Wow love how you stay motivated despite the fall, a real gibbor! 

The Counts
Clean Days: 1 day
Cumulative Clean Days (Since Jan 2020): 1392 days
"Yes" Count (Week of Shoftim): 17 yeses
Cumulative "Yes" Count (Started Sept 2024): 17 yeses

Good morning. I struggled last week, but I also said "yes" to life 22 times. Far more times than I fell.

I'm looking forward to a productive and clean week. Please help me Hashem and please help us all.

The Counts
Clean Days: 2 days
Cumulative Clean Days (Since Jan 2020): 1395 days
"Yes" Count (Week of Ki Seitzei): 2
Cumulative "Yes" Count (Started Sept 2024): 24

Good morning, all. 

I struggled last week. Sometimes Shabbos can be a reset and sometimes it can feel like a reset until Motzei Shabbos comes and you're back where you were before. This week, Shabbos was a reset for me. I hope to use the inspiration from Shabbos and from Elul to have a clean week. Prayers for all of us.

The Counts
Clean Days: 2 days
Cumulative Clean Days (Since Jan 2020): 1400 days
"Yes" Count (Week of Ki Savo): 2
Cumulative "Yes" Count (Started Sept 2024): 32

שבע יפול צדיק וקם wrote on 16 Sep 2024 14:22:

Sheva, you are the inspiration!