Straight and to the point:

• I joined GYE four years ago. Through GYE and a few other factors, I was able to avoid my wife's unfiltered computer and phone and I successfully had over 230 days free of masturbation and pornography. A year and a half later, I found myself with an unfiltered work computer and work phone. While I was able to resist temptation for several more months, I ended up falling. Over the last two years, regrettably, I have not able to go longer than a few weeks, maybe a month, without masturbation and sometimes even pornography.
• Although I have not been active on this forum, I have been in touch with @Hashem Help Me through text and the occasional phone call. While that has been very helpful, I tend to be פורק עול, get complacent, and be out of touch.
• I want to recommit myself to these קדושה matters. I can't do it alone. I need help.

In the past, my posting and activity on this forum has helped me and I hope that, in turn, my story and my commitment to changing my behavior can help and inspire others.

Thank you for reading this post.

Day #1

Welcome back! Can you get a filter on those devices?

I don't know if I can say welcome, as you've been here longer than me. However, the pain of falling after a streak is familiar, and by connecting with people, and limiting access it is possible to regain momentum!

Have you noticed your triggers in the past, to try and avoid falling again?

Hang in there, keep us posted, and you CAN do it!

frank.lee wrote on 23 Jan 2024 06:37:

No. Thankfully, in my current job, I don't have a work phone. In terms of my work computer, I actually don't use it outside of work hours. So, if I have an urge at night, I won't turn on my work computer. There is still during the day (I work from home and I am home alone). Still, believe me or not, the unfiltered work devices may have triggered my fall two years ago or so, but they are not the ongoing problem. My falls are typically not with an unfiltered device.

The ongoing problem has been that I am not interested enough in changing my behavior [or too embarrassed]. I am busy and the majority of my days are spent doing positive and productive things. These include tending to my family and home's needs, work, shul, chavrusas, exercise, and hobbies. There was a time in my life (thankfully, pre-GYE) when my falls would be a long session of looking at pornography and masturbating multiple times in the late hours of night/early hours of the morning. I never timed myself, but it took time and was more of a fixation. Now, the issue feels more like an improper hygiene activity in my day. Quick, "take care of" what I need to "take care of" and back to business as normal and I'd rather not "waste my precious time" dealing with stopping the behavior and the falls because it is such a small part of my life.

So, yes, filtering would help, but the main thing for me is to actually take this seriously. It is improper. It is not the person who I want to be and who I believe Hashem wants me to be. I know from my experience with GYE in the past that sharing and reading about others' experiences helps. I have basically been doing this alone. No need for that. Today, I felt more of a sense of accountability. Merely because I posted last night.

Wishing you all well!

Day #2.

SisonYishecha wrote on 23 Jan 2024 15:33:

You can always say welcome!  

Not sure how to answer the trigger question. I would say my main triggers are biological in nature. Not staying hydrated and not getting enough sleep. I recall reading about that in my earlier GYE days. There was some acronym. The sad thing is, sometimes there isn't a trigger at all. I just feel like I have to masturbate before I go to sleep for the night. What has helped me in the past has been to connect with this community and individuals and create a sense of accountability. I hope that helps this time too!

שבע יפול צדיק וקם wrote on 24 Jan 2024 03:47:

So basically you're saying that you are a frum, human, male?

Totally understood

שבע יפול צדיק וקם wrote on 24 Jan 2024 03:47:

Your triggers are fatigue and bedtime. Do you have a specific emotion preceding bedtime or is it just a ritual? Can you make a list of appropriate responses from the toolbox and other appropriate responses for these triggers? My responses for fatigue are Escape, Distract, and SOBER. What are yours?

No specific emotion. Just ritual. Will have to think about appropriate responses. What does SOBER stand for?

Day #3.

Stop, Observe, Breath, Expand, Respond. You can find this and many others in the toolbox with explanations. If you have enough coins you can redeem them for audio exercises of SOBER and other tools.

Thank you for the recommendation. I have already read the explanation in the toolbox.

Day #4.

Day #6.

Superb! Keep it up!

Just sharing, I recently filtered my work computer and it changed my days (and life).

Day #8.

Posting and sharing my progress helps. 

I had a fall the other day. It was triggered by not taking care of myself. Fatigued, thirsty. Didn't eat well. My reaction to the fall was basically nothing. "Oh, come on, that was stupid" and then I moved on with my day. I hoped that it would not lead to "rapid fire" falls and, thankfully, it didn't.

I thought about how many times I said "no" and didn't fall over the eight days prior. I felt proud of that. Said "no" a whole lot more times than the one "yes."

Anyway, I am not going to hide and 'ghost' GYE. I am right back at it. Proud to report that I have 1200 cumulative clean days since joining GYE.

Day #2.

Kudos