Thanks!
Spent a while relaxing on GYE and doing a bunch of posting, it feels good to be back in the community feeling better now, but I realize tomorrow may be stressful, not to mention exhausted, so I will IYH check back in then or friday.

9 Months (hebrew) clean today and 250 days, so it's a double milestone. 9 months reminded me of pregnancy, nine months from conception the baby is born and I think it's a reasonable mashal. The first day if sobriety is when you start on the journey to being born again, it takes a long time of growth and adjustment before you are a new person. (it sounded better in my head this morning)
The journey isn't over yet, but their are pleasant shores on the horizon.
Thank you to hashem for helping me get here. Thank you to GYE. and thank you to all the amazing friends I am beginning to connect with.

Eyes were drifting in the supermarket this afternoon. I was tired and a bit annoyed with the rebbetzin. But I would like to work on not turning to lust even when tired and annoyed, but don't want to shoot too high
I have been working on being ok with myself even if I see a lady in the street and find her attractive, as long as I'm not taking in lust and "devouring her with my eyes" I am a good healthy person. Not sure exactly where the line is but I think it's somewhere in between "Oh, she looks like an attractive women" and asking her for sex, somewhere in that area
Joined the vaad today, thirsting for more connection, if any of the guys from the tues vaad are reading this give me a shout out on the comments, I hope we can get to know each other better and support one another as the vaad continues.

Oh I really relate to that feeling of "devouring her with my eyes" and the line between that and asking her for s*x.

I'll be honest I just recently bought myself a tally counter, I didn't do so up until now because I was scared that being busy counting "the women I didn't look at" will make me obsess over them which will be counterproductive, but now I feel safe enough to have one with me, so every time I'm walking in the streets or going to the grocery etc. I have my hand ready at my pocket to click the button, I don't count the women at all, just when passing someone that for what ever reason triggers me to want to take that 2nd look, I just wait it out then with a smile click the count button.

I find that this helps me immensely because, 1 I have a great drive not to take that look, 2 because at the end of the day when I check to see my counts, it fills me with pleasure and gives me the thrill to stand strong the next day when being in such a situation, so I'm focusing on the positivity, vs the fear of the "Slip" aka negative.

Keep it up and keep us posted.
With love Akiva.