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Connecting the days
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TOPIC: Connecting the days 17107 Views

Re: Connecting the days 14 Aug 2023 14:52 #399832

  • yitzchokm
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connected wrote on 08 Aug 2023 15:22:

yitzchokm wrote on 08 Aug 2023 15:02:
Maybe reach out to someone through chat or to a mentor when you have an urge.

Y'know, I've thought about it, but I'm afraid that doing so might put a damper on the whole excitement.
Heck, I might not even end up doing it at all...

Every time I enjoyed playing in the mud, if someone would tap me on the shoulder and say "Hi, I am here to help you through this" I would feel very connected to him and even before getting any help I would feel so much better about myself that I would not have any need to act out anymore. The difference with a chat or a mentor is that I have to initiate. Because I am the one initiating I might not feel better until he initiates his response and helps me through it. But afterwards I feel the same as if someone tapped me on the shoulder. Because that is really what he did. He responded to my chat, "Hi, I am here to help you through this".
Last Edit: 14 Aug 2023 15:15 by yitzchokm.

Re: Connecting the days 14 Aug 2023 16:06 #399837

Day 1 (maybe)

I saw a post from Cordnoy a while back which gave me a proper punch where I needed it.

The idea was basically as follows: The fact that someone doesn't do all sorts of stuff (prostitutes, massage parlors, etc.) doesn't make him a lesser addict than someone who does. All this means is that he's just more risk-averse, so he'll stay in fantasy land and be very careful when doing what he does.

When I read that, I felt it was tailored directly for me.
Whenever I'd read posts that included such escapades, I'd pat myself on the back and say, "See? I'm not an addict." Such posts always reinforced the lie.
But the truth is, I am, by nature, very risk-averse in every area of life. Given the amount I think about sex, I can safely assume that if not for this tendency, I'd have some exciting stories to share... maybe an STD or two. I might even be posting from the prison computer.

Okay, it's impossible to judge what I would've done had I had a different personality, but thank you, Cordnoy, for waking me from that slumber.

If anyone knows which post I'm referring to and can point me in that direction, please do so, and you'll have my gratitude.
We get only one chance at life.
This is not a rehearsal; it's the real thing.

Father, help me live sober Today.

Re: Connecting the days 14 Aug 2023 18:04 #399841

Found it:

cordnoy wrote on 22 Jun 2023 16:06:

And one other thin': Regardless of your particular fetish or fantasy, regardless of your particular behaviors and no matter the extent, do not fall for the trap that you are unique because of it. Can trauma play a role? Yes it could. Can your specific upbringin' bring about certain particular fantasies, habits and actions? Yes. Do some folk engage in calls, some in pics, masturbation, many in porn, some in massage parlors, strip clubs or prostitutes? Yes. Generally, that is a sign of your risk-aversion level or your opportunity options; it does not mean necessarily that you are further along in this addiction or bad habit than the other. If someone thinks about sex all day, but does not masturbate, he may be more addicted than the fellow who visits an escort every three months. If one undresses every fellow in Shul on either side of the mechitzah no matter the time, he may be more addicted that the fellow who cheats on his wife with the secretary. I am not bein' defensive, for I fall into all those categories. 

What else is there to say? Just one word...... Godspeed!


Thanks again, C.
We get only one chance at life.
This is not a rehearsal; it's the real thing.

Father, help me live sober Today.

Re: Connecting the days 14 Aug 2023 19:58 #399849

  • chaimoigen
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Thanks for the sucker-punch to the kidneys.... 
Wow. talk about food for thought!
Please feel free to reach out anytime at chaim.oigen@gmail.com

Re: Connecting the days 15 Aug 2023 05:31 #399856

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I thought a lot about it

It passes my mind almost every day

I’m not sure sometimes

Sometimes in my matzev its true

And sometimes it’s the yetzer hora who wants to get me down [עי' תניא פרק כ''ו כ''ז]

Also there is a voice that says who cares what you think the point is the actions

Yes addict no addict, that’s not the point

lets talk from a Jewish perspective, if someone goes out with a prostitute there is punishment, for being an addict there isn’t

on the hand, הרהורי עבירה קשים מעבירה

there is a vort I think from the kotzker, הרהורי עבירה קשים מעבירה, זינדיג אפ און גיי ווייטער, ליג נישט און די שמוטץ

Re: Connecting the days 15 Aug 2023 07:32 #399858

  • misgaber96
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This is why davening for the person that I am lusting after is so important. It means I am no longer lusting and Hashem has turned this object back into a human being in my head. Yes I am an addict and I do think of the most lustful thaughts but I talk to Hashem about what I want to do without leaving out any important details so Hashem can take them away from me. I then Daaven for that person that they have a good day and have good relationships for I know that I don't want a relationship, I want touch, lust and sex with this person. 
Living with them is another story.

Re: Connecting the days 15 Aug 2023 13:20 #399863

No Mask wrote on 15 Aug 2023 05:31:

Also there is a voice that says who cares what you think the point is the actions

Yes addict no addict, that’s not the point

lets talk from a Jewish perspective, if someone goes out with a prostitute there is punishment, for being an addict there isn’t

on the hand, הרהורי עבירה קשים מעבירה

there is a vort I think from the kotzker, הרהורי עבירה קשים מעבירה, זינדיג אפ און גיי ווייטער, ליג נישט און די שמוטץ


I understand where you're coming from, and if it works for you, run with it. I've been there for a while, even when I seriously started working on this (last year after Pesach), and the way I see it is that as long as I don't admit the extent of my issue, I have no chance of healing it.

I don't do so many punishable activities, true. And therefore? Is my only goal here to stay out of hell in the afterlife? What about the hell of not being able to have a healthy relationship with my wife because she doesn't perform like the stars on the screen as I've come to expect? What about the hell of getting mad at my son for calling me from bed because he interrupted my porn search? What about the hell of not being able to have a normal work relationship with a female co-worker because I trained my mind to only see her body? I can go on, but I think you get my point.

True, there's no punishment after death for addiction without acting on it, but I want to live a better life here and now, and as long as I'm in denial, I haven't a chance.

So, am I an addict? No clue. It probably depends on whom I'd ask, but I can't let my inaction fool me.
We get only one chance at life.
This is not a rehearsal; it's the real thing.

Father, help me live sober Today.

Re: Connecting the days 15 Aug 2023 16:01 #399865

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connected wrote on 15 Aug 2023 13:20:

No Mask wrote on 15 Aug 2023 05:31:

Also there is a voice that says who cares what you think the point is the actions

Yes addict no addict, that’s not the point

lets talk from a Jewish perspective, if someone goes out with a prostitute there is punishment, for being an addict there isn’t

on the hand, הרהורי עבירה קשים מעבירה

there is a vort I think from the kotzker, הרהורי עבירה קשים מעבירה, זינדיג אפ און גיי ווייטער, ליג נישט און די שמוטץ


I understand where you're coming from, and if it works for you, run with it. I've been there for a while, even when I seriously started working on this (last year after Pesach), and the way I see it is that as long as I don't admit the extent of my issue, I have no chance of healing it.

I don't do so many punishable activities, true. And therefore? Is my only goal here to stay out of hell in the afterlife? What about the hell of not being able to have a healthy relationship with my wife because she doesn't perform like the stars on the screen as I've come to expect? What about the hell of getting mad at my son for calling me from bed because he interrupted my porn search? What about the hell of not being able to have a normal work relationship with a female co-worker because I trained my mind to only see her body? I can go on, but I think you get my point.

True, there's no punishment after death for addiction without acting on it, but I want to live a better life here and now, and as long as I'm in denial, I haven't a chance.

So, am I an addict? No clue. It probably depends on whom I'd ask, but I can't let my inaction fool me.

Thats why i wrote FROM A JEWISH PERSPECTIVE 
And lets leave the discussion what Judaism is for a different time 

and to be honest I take this whole struggle only from a illness point of view,
because of a few points 
but one of the main points is yours 

Re: Connecting the days 15 Aug 2023 16:34 #399867

No Mask wrote on 15 Aug 2023 16:01:

connected wrote on 15 Aug 2023 13:20:

No Mask wrote on 15 Aug 2023 05:31:

Also there is a voice that says who cares what you think the point is the actions

Yes addict no addict, that’s not the point

lets talk from a Jewish perspective, if someone goes out with a prostitute there is punishment, for being an addict there isn’t

on the hand, הרהורי עבירה קשים מעבירה

there is a vort I think from the kotzker, הרהורי עבירה קשים מעבירה, זינדיג אפ און גיי ווייטער, ליג נישט און די שמוטץ


I understand where you're coming from, and if it works for you, run with it. I've been there for a while, even when I seriously started working on this (last year after Pesach), and the way I see it is that as long as I don't admit the extent of my issue, I have no chance of healing it.

I don't do so many punishable activities, true. And therefore? Is my only goal here to stay out of hell in the afterlife? What about the hell of not being able to have a healthy relationship with my wife because she doesn't perform like the stars on the screen as I've come to expect? What about the hell of getting mad at my son for calling me from bed because he interrupted my porn search? What about the hell of not being able to have a normal work relationship with a female co-worker because I trained my mind to only see her body? I can go on, but I think you get my point.

True, there's no punishment after death for addiction without acting on it, but I want to live a better life here and now, and as long as I'm in denial, I haven't a chance.

So, am I an addict? No clue. It probably depends on whom I'd ask, but I can't let my inaction fool me.

Thats why i wrote FROM A JEWISH PERSPECTIVE 
And lets leave the discussion what Judaism is for a different time 

and to be honest I take this whole struggle only from a illness point of view,
because of a few points 
but one of the main points is yours 

I hear you.
I don't see this leading me anywhere productive.
I can spend my entire life addicted to lust and suffering its consequences, but from a Jewish perspective, I'm doing great.
Am I doing great, though? Is there a reality where "Jewish perspective" and "life" are separate entities?

To reiterate, I posted about myself. If you don't find your reality described in my lines, we'll have to assume we're different folks and therefore need different strokes. Or perhaps I'll come to see the light one day. Or maybe not.

Ah, some good ol' philosophizin'.
We get only one chance at life.
This is not a rehearsal; it's the real thing.

Father, help me live sober Today.

Re: Connecting the days 15 Aug 2023 17:01 #399868

  • cordnoy
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connected wrote on 15 Aug 2023 16:34:

No Mask wrote on 15 Aug 2023 16:01:

connected wrote on 15 Aug 2023 13:20:

No Mask wrote on 15 Aug 2023 05:31:

Also there is a voice that says who cares what you think the point is the actions

Yes addict no addict, that’s not the point

lets talk from a Jewish perspective, if someone goes out with a prostitute there is punishment, for being an addict there isn’t

on the hand, הרהורי עבירה קשים מעבירה

there is a vort I think from the kotzker, הרהורי עבירה קשים מעבירה, זינדיג אפ און גיי ווייטער, ליג נישט און די שמוטץ


I understand where you're coming from, and if it works for you, run with it. I've been there for a while, even when I seriously started working on this (last year after Pesach), and the way I see it is that as long as I don't admit the extent of my issue, I have no chance of healing it.

I don't do so many punishable activities, true. And therefore? Is my only goal here to stay out of hell in the afterlife? What about the hell of not being able to have a healthy relationship with my wife because she doesn't perform like the stars on the screen as I've come to expect? What about the hell of getting mad at my son for calling me from bed because he interrupted my porn search? What about the hell of not being able to have a normal work relationship with a female co-worker because I trained my mind to only see her body? I can go on, but I think you get my point.

True, there's no punishment after death for addiction without acting on it, but I want to live a better life here and now, and as long as I'm in denial, I haven't a chance.

So, am I an addict? No clue. It probably depends on whom I'd ask, but I can't let my inaction fool me.

Thats why i wrote FROM A JEWISH PERSPECTIVE 
And lets leave the discussion what Judaism is for a different time 

and to be honest I take this whole struggle only from a illness point of view,
because of a few points 
but one of the main points is yours 

I hear you.
I don't see this leading me anywhere productive.
I can spend my entire life addicted to lust and suffering its consequences, but from a Jewish perspective, I'm doing great.
Am I doing great, though? Is there a reality where "Jewish perspective" and "life" are separate entities?

To reiterate, I posted about myself. If you don't find your reality described in my lines, we'll have to assume we're different folks and therefore need different strokes. Or perhaps I'll come to see the light one day. Or maybe not.

Ah, some good ol' philosophizin'.

I have been readin' this back n' forth (as i read everythin') and was tempted to comment several times - thankfully I held back, but this line (bolded above) struck a 'cord,' and it's been a constant theme here, I think. Why is 'Jewish perspective' equated with 'punishment'? And why is 'livin' life' disassociated from 'Jewish perspective'?
  • Punishment - I will steer away from (although i disagree and certainly question some of the assertions mentioned above).
  • Jewish perspective - it is difficult for many of us to ignore this, as it is part of our fabric. If your entire life is spent bein' addicted to lust and fantasies involved with that, from a Jewish perspective, you are not doin' great at all (regardless of actions not committed).
  • Livin' life - the most important factor for me.

Godspeed
My email: thenewme613@hotmail.com
My threads: Mikvah Night - Page 1, Page 2, Page 3, Last Page

https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/210029-Tryin
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
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Last Edit: 15 Aug 2023 17:08 by cordnoy.

Re: Connecting the days 15 Aug 2023 17:37 #399869

cordnoy wrote on 15 Aug 2023 17:01:
I have been readin' this back n' forth (as i read everythin') and was tempted to comment several times - thankfully I held back, but this line (bolded above) struck a 'cord,' and it's been a constant theme here, I think. Why is 'Jewish perspective' equated with 'punishment'? And why is 'livin' life' disassociated from 'Jewish perspective'?
  • Punishment - I will steer away from (although i disagree and certainly question some of the assertions mentioned above).
  • Jewish perspective - it is difficult for many of us to ignore this, as it is part of our fabric. If your entire life is spent bein' addicted to lust and fantasies involved with that, from a Jewish perspective, you are not doin' great at all (regardless of actions not committed).
  • Livin' life - the most important factor for me.

Godspeed


Sounds kinda like the point I made in the line following the one you bolded:

connected wrote on 15 Aug 2023 16:34:

Am I doing great, though? Is there a reality where "Jewish perspective" and "life" are separate entities?





P.S. Why and to whom are you thankful that you held back from commenting?
We get only one chance at life.
This is not a rehearsal; it's the real thing.

Father, help me live sober Today.

Re: Connecting the days 15 Aug 2023 19:35 #399874

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cordnoy wrote on 15 Aug 2023 17:01:

connected wrote on 15 Aug 2023 16:34:

No Mask wrote on 15 Aug 2023 16:01:

connected wrote on 15 Aug 2023 13:20:

No Mask wrote on 15 Aug 2023 05:31:

Also there is a voice that says who cares what you think the point is the actions

Yes addict no addict, that’s not the point

lets talk from a Jewish perspective, if someone goes out with a prostitute there is punishment, for being an addict there isn’t

on the hand, הרהורי עבירה קשים מעבירה

there is a vort I think from the kotzker, הרהורי עבירה קשים מעבירה, זינדיג אפ און גיי ווייטער, ליג נישט און די שמוטץ


I understand where you're coming from, and if it works for you, run with it. I've been there for a while, even when I seriously started working on this (last year after Pesach), and the way I see it is that as long as I don't admit the extent of my issue, I have no chance of healing it.

I don't do so many punishable activities, true. And therefore? Is my only goal here to stay out of hell in the afterlife? What about the hell of not being able to have a healthy relationship with my wife because she doesn't perform like the stars on the screen as I've come to expect? What about the hell of getting mad at my son for calling me from bed because he interrupted my porn search? What about the hell of not being able to have a normal work relationship with a female co-worker because I trained my mind to only see her body? I can go on, but I think you get my point.

True, there's no punishment after death for addiction without acting on it, but I want to live a better life here and now, and as long as I'm in denial, I haven't a chance.

So, am I an addict? No clue. It probably depends on whom I'd ask, but I can't let my inaction fool me.

Thats why i wrote FROM A JEWISH PERSPECTIVE 
And lets leave the discussion what Judaism is for a different time 

and to be honest I take this whole struggle only from a illness point of view,
because of a few points 
but one of the main points is yours 

I hear you.
I don't see this leading me anywhere productive.
I can spend my entire life addicted to lust and suffering its consequences, but from a Jewish perspective, I'm doing great.
Am I doing great, though? Is there a reality where "Jewish perspective" and "life" are separate entities?

To reiterate, I posted about myself. If you don't find your reality described in my lines, we'll have to assume we're different folks and therefore need different strokes. Or perhaps I'll come to see the light one day. Or maybe not.

Ah, some good ol' philosophizin'.

I have been readin' this back n' forth (as i read everythin') and was tempted to comment several times - thankfully I held back, but this line (bolded above) struck a 'cord,' and it's been a constant theme here, I think. Why is 'Jewish perspective' equated with 'punishment'? And why is 'livin' life' disassociated from 'Jewish perspective'?
  • Punishment - I will steer away from (although i disagree and certainly question some of the assertions mentioned above).
  • Jewish perspective - it is difficult for many of us to ignore this, as it is part of our fabric. If your entire life is spent bein' addicted to lust and fantasies involved with that, from a Jewish perspective, you are not doin' great at all (regardless of actions not committed).
  • Livin' life - the most important factor for me. [if I may add that this is the Jewish perspective as well]

Godspeed

this exactly what I meant  And lets leave the discussion what Judaism is for a different time 
I didnt really mean to put it aside, I meant that to say that thats Jewish perspective is not sure at all

Re: Connecting the days 15 Aug 2023 20:00 #399883

So we're all on the same page? Great. Back to living.
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
We get only one chance at life.
This is not a rehearsal; it's the real thing.

Father, help me live sober Today.

Re: Connecting the days 18 Aug 2023 14:31 #400064

Accountability (anonymous, of course):

I masturbated yesterday. Twice.

The first time was at work when things started getting stressful, and the usual escapes (GYE, YouTube (yes, I put them in the same category, bite me)) weren't cutting it anymore. I'm painfully aware of this problem, namely, not handling responsibilities properly.
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!

The second time was at night before going to sleep, because, well, I did it once today so I might as well enjoy myself another time.
:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!


So these are two things I need to add to my inventory:
  • Learning to handle responsibility/stress in a healthy manner
  • For the love of Yosef HaTzadik, stop seeing it in terms of "days"
We get only one chance at life.
This is not a rehearsal; it's the real thing.

Father, help me live sober Today.

Re: Disconnecting the days 18 Aug 2023 14:35 #400065

In honor of my second inventory item, I hereby rename my thread.

Aderaba.
Punkt Farkert.
Ipcha Mistabra.

(I hope this won't mess up everything)
We get only one chance at life.
This is not a rehearsal; it's the real thing.

Father, help me live sober Today.
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