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Connecting the days
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TOPIC: Connecting the days 20693 Views

Re: Connecting the days 24 Aug 2022 17:38 #385117

connected wrote on 24 Aug 2022 15:34:
So here's the dealio.

I'm toying with the idea of taking a hiatus from GEY.
Over the past few weeks, I've spent countless hours in GYE, unearthing old posts.
Getting inspired.
Feeling validated.
Laughing my rear end off.
All with a side of wasting time.

I used to waste time on YouTube. Or, as Rav Noach Weinberg ZT"L would put it, I used to commit suicide on the installment plan on YouTube.
After Pesach, I finally got the courage to block YouTube on all my devices.

But you see, as disturbing as YouTube might be, my problem was not in YouTube, per se; my problem is in me.
I blocked YouTube, and now my fingers mindlessly open GYE.

Here's the conundrum:
Regarding YouTube, I knew that 95% of the time I gave them went to waste. The other (maximum) 5% was to gain positive knowledge. So I was able, to be honest with myself and leave.

However, when it comes to GYE, there's a much more substantial positive gain.
  1. If not for GYE, I would, in all likelihood, be deeper than I was four months ago or at least just going sideways - certainly not where I'm at now.
  2. I acknowledge that I'm not out of the muck, and being on GYE still delivers Chizuk.
  3. GYE provides me with a Kosher form of entertainment (oh, those old "just having fun" threads!)

But at the same time, I'm sitting here way longer than I should and getting less work done.

Here's the plan:
I want to step away for two weeks. After that, I want to keep it blocked on my phone and open it for an hour during the day on my computer. (I use freedom.to/)

Something I need to keep in mind:
As I stated before, my problem is not YouTube or (Lihavdil) GEY; it's me. I need to figure out why I have this tendency and cure that.

If anyone has any suggestions before I set my plan into motion, please come forth.
Thanks in advance.

Reconnecting

Wow, this is interesting.. last night I made a similar decision to cut out certain time wasters from my life. I realized that all this stuff really stops us from being productive and actually living life. For me, it was even all the introspection and working on myself like F2F program. Too much isn’t good — at least for me. I really agree to what you are saying that it’s a problem within us and it comes out in certain ways. I like to think of it as the problem and the symptom. Personally, I enjoy relaxing and surfing the internet whether it’s YouTube or GYE, etc. and that comes out differently depending on what I have access to. 
so I think the first step is to decide what do we rather spend our time on- which specific sites.  
then additionally, after that we can cut it down more and more after we see where our time wasters are (for me I noticed YouTube is much more of a time waster then anything else even if it’s kosher informative videos. Additionally I’m much less productive there then GYE and obviously there’s much more immodesty.) 
however, at some point I realized it’s like everything else —  I gotta work on myself from within on why I wanna control myself and use my time wisely. Because there will always be where we can waste our time…  
hope this was helpful! Hatzlacha! 
“Distancing and removing triggers is only bringing the door closer..Changing the insides and our nature is the key to get in.” 

“Human connection can help every sort of struggle” 

If anyone would like to reach me I’d love to help out! 
anonymouslyhappy111@gmail.com

Break free the easy way using the self-talk method!
https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/378128-Captain--Shtarkemotionals-Secret90Day-Challenge

Check out this thread with packed Insight for every person at every stage! 
https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/376994-%E2%80%9CShtark%E2%80%9D-insight-that-may-make-you-%E2%80%9Cemotional%E2%80%9D-%29

Re: Connecting the days 24 Aug 2022 17:58 #385120

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No Mask wrote on 24 Aug 2022 16:59:

I relate very much, GYE was my life saver, to be honest; I started GYE without even knowing about the forum, it was some information about SMART they sent me, and I learned and practiced, and then with the F2F

All that is inner work, and I did feel that I opened up to someone in the email to GYE.

In the beginning I felt good starting to post to take off that whole taboo around the topic.

And even the chatting is good sometimes when I feel the need to talk to someone.

And having a friend following me, keeps me in check [even though that can not be the main reason to stop]

But here comes the but, I feel like sometimes it’s costing me too much time, reading chatting, instead of doing productive things, or doing inner work, like F2F practicing mindfulness.

And I feel that instead of doing a thorough job at work, I'm just yotzah sometimes, because of the hour on GYE.

So I relate, but I think its still better this way than without GYE, [not better, its not even question]

But I would like to limit my access to a certain time, but I don’t think techlocq has such an option.

So Hatzlacha on your decision


Another eitzah is being in control and not going on only certain times.

But then it could happen like now, I’m just checking a minute and I find something interesting and its an hour later

Re: Connecting the days 24 Aug 2022 19:04 #385125

So after some deliberation, I decided I'm going for it.

In the meantime, I hope to connect with some high-ranking GYE'ers so I don't slip into mindlessness.

I miss you already (you know who you are (or maybe not))!
We get only one chance at life.
This is not a rehearsal; it's the real thing.

Father, help me live sober Today.

Re: Connecting the days 26 Aug 2022 15:57 #385184

  • kavey
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Go for it! Main thing is not to obsess over it (I think a lot of us here struggle with obsessions myself included).

Re: Connecting the days 29 Aug 2022 20:17 #385264

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Hatzlocha!! Of course I first saw this today when I'm back from my 10 day break from GYE.

Re: Connecting the days 06 Sep 2022 20:04 #385517

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connected wrote on 24 Aug 2022 19:04:

I miss you already (you know who you are (or maybe not))!

I guess you'll be back tomorrow. Hope you didn't miss me too much.

Re: Connecting the days 15 Sep 2022 18:18 #385734

Here's a brief update on me.

I'm returning.
Letting go of all stupidities that are keeping me small.
I'm doing Teshuva.

What started with a journey to quit porn and masturbation turned into learning how to deal with my emotions.
How to let go of resentment.
How to really be there for my children.
How to get important things done.
How to give more and expect less.

There are easy days.
There are tough days.

My body only wants the easy, but I understand that real growth lies on the other side of a tough day.

It's not about porn and masturbation; it's about returning.
Letting go of the fears I collected in my life up until now.
Dispelling the limiting image I created of myself.
Replacing my destructive coping mechanisms with healthy outlets.
Returning to that state where I can utilize all the potential Hashem granted me.

I don't have a timeframe.
I try to take it One test at a time.


I wanna go home.

Reconnecting
We get only one chance at life.
This is not a rehearsal; it's the real thing.

Father, help me live sober Today.

Re: Connecting the days 15 Sep 2022 18:59 #385736

I love the way you wrote this!!

Great Job!!!

Re: Connecting the days 15 Sep 2022 19:17 #385737

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Hatzlacha! Birshuscha if I could add one more:

How to take it easy on yourself

For myself I know that if I'm locked in my office hiding from the kids and their shennanigans with no patience left I comfort myself with the thought: 'but at least I'm still in the game!'. For me it works wonders.
Last Edit: 15 Sep 2022 19:21 by kavey.

Re: Connecting the days 28 Sep 2022 14:52 #386044

And now for the obligatory post-Rosh-Hashana-post.

I did not cry.
I was not overly emotional at [insert special Tefilla here].
My "saying" of the Daf could've been better.
I did not finish Sefer Tehillim. Nor did I start.


I was present for my kids in the morning (great, now I'll be late for shul).
I took fifteen minutes to Bench out loud with my kids (can you guys speed up?!).
I didn't drink that last shot before the Tekios (I know, I should've downed the other ones, thanks, dad).

In the past, I'd be left with a warm, fuzzy feeling after RH.
At times I'd also masturbate at the break before the Tekios.

Last year I finished the whole Sefer Tehillim on RH.
I also ran to watch porn after making Havdala.

No fuzzy stuff this year.
Also, no porn and masturbation.
Just hard work.
Hard work and concrete, measurable actions.
I hope.

Stay connected
We get only one chance at life.
This is not a rehearsal; it's the real thing.

Father, help me live sober Today.

Re: Connecting the days 02 Nov 2022 20:47 #387175

So, it's been a while since my last post.

I recently read a post I wrote when I was on my 90-day high. In it, I warn anyone who'd care to read it.

remember never to let your guard down. This project isn't something you can set and forget. Compare it to physical fitness; as long as you eat healthily, exercise, and care for yourself, you'll be fit and keep off weight. Once you stop, you'll fall back. It's a lifelong project.



Well, here I am. 
I set it.
I forgot it.
It forgot me.
My old habits slowly started creeping back into my life. Only this time, my phone has a filter, so I had to be creative. Or risky.
Not being the big risk-taker, I went with creativity. I impressed myself with a job smoothly done.

Yesterday's depression reminded me of life before I started this journey. I don't want to go back there.

I need a strategy. Till I have one, I'll try to keep myself accountable here.
Still Reconnecting
We get only one chance at life.
This is not a rehearsal; it's the real thing.

Father, help me live sober Today.

Re: Connecting the days 03 Nov 2022 17:55 #387216

Yesterday passed in cleanliness.

As I wrote yesterday, till I have a new strategy, I want to hold myself accountable here.
I'm wracking my brain, trying to come up with something to write. It's almost as bad as making small talk.
I'm so bad at this.

The Small talkers:

a: Hey.
b: Hey.
a: What's up?
b: Not much; what's up with you?
a: Pretty much the same.
b: You're still working at that plumbing supply?
a: Yup. And you? Still at the take-out?
b: Same old.
a: Yeah, that's life.
b: I guess so.
a: It's getting cold already.
b: Oh, I was just going to comment that the weather is rather nice.
a: Now that you mention it, that would've made more sense.
silence


There. A post.
Stay connected
We get only one chance at life.
This is not a rehearsal; it's the real thing.

Father, help me live sober Today.

Re: Connecting the days 03 Nov 2022 20:02 #387224

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connected wrote on 03 Nov 2022 17:55:
Yesterday passed in cleanliness.

As I wrote yesterday, till I have a new strategy, I want to hold myself accountable here.
I'm wracking my brain, trying to come up with something to write. It's almost as bad as making small talk.
I'm so bad at this.

The Small talkers:

a: Hey.
b: Hey.
a: What's up?
b: Not much; what's up with you?
a: Pretty much the same.
b: You're still working at that plumbing supply?
a: Yup. And you? Still at the take-out?
b: Same old.
a: Yeah, that's life.
b: I guess so.
a: It's getting cold already.
b: Oh, I was just going to comment that the weather is rather nice.
a: Now that you mention it, that would've made more sense.
silence


There. A post.
Stay connected

Great post!! I’m still smiling. Consider yourself accounted for. 

Re: Connecting the days 10 Nov 2022 19:13 #387554

I'll try to make this short.

Starting with my first post on GYE, I built a persona, as we all do. The professionals do it with intent; the others have it happen to them.
I aimed for positivity and success.
As soon as I started counting publicly, I knew I would make it to 90 days.
I generally shy away from public challenges, but when I find myself caught in one, I make sure to do whatever it takes to come out on top.

Welcome to my Ego.

I wrote post after post filled with positive vibes. 
There were some tough days, but no urge was more potent than my Ego.
Finally, I made it 90.
I kept saying, "this is not the goal! The goal is my whole life."
But you see, that wasn't true.
The main thing that kept me going was the challenge; the need to prove that I'm awesome. Once that was gone, the original me, who was on vacation for three months, stepped back in.

Welcome to the original me:
Blank.
A scared child trapped in an adult body.
A child with a multitude of limiting beliefs about himself, he's accumulated over the years.
OK, not blank after all.

When the original me started coming back, I watched porn and masturbated. Just once.
But Ego me didn't want to reset my chart. So I gave myself a one-time pass.
Slowly, the original me came back, and so did my old habits.
I was forced to reset, and Ego me concocted many fantastic excuses for my new/old behavior. Like "it's not about porn/masturbation; it's about becoming a healthy person." Well, yeah, but as I saw in my 3+ months of cleanliness, these actions keep me unhealthy.

What am I trying to gain with this post?
Donno.
I guess trying to be honest.
We get only one chance at life.
This is not a rehearsal; it's the real thing.

Father, help me live sober Today.

Re: Connecting the days 10 Nov 2022 21:00 #387559

  • yechielmichel
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connected wrote on 10 Nov 2022 19:13:
I'll try to make this short.

Starting with my first post on GYE, I built a persona, as we all do. The professionals do it with intent; the others have it happen to them.
I aimed for positivity and success.
As soon as I started counting publicly, I knew I would make it to 90 days.
I generally shy away from public challenges, but when I find myself caught in one, I make sure to do whatever it takes to come out on top.

Welcome to my Ego.

I wrote post after post filled with positive vibes. 
There were some tough days, but no urge was more potent than my Ego.
Finally, I made it 90.
I kept saying, "this is not the goal! The goal is my whole life."
But you see, that wasn't true.
The main thing that kept me going was the challenge; the need to prove that I'm awesome. Once that was gone, the original me, who was on vacation for three months, stepped back in.

Welcome to the original me:
Blank.
A scared child trapped in an adult body.
A child with a multitude of limiting beliefs about himself, he's accumulated over the years.
OK, not blank after all.

When the original me started coming back, I watched porn and masturbated. Just once.
But Ego me didn't want to reset my chart. So I gave myself a one-time pass.
Slowly, the original me came back, and so did my old habits.
I was forced to reset, and Ego me concocted many fantastic excuses for my new/old behavior. Like "it's not about porn/masturbation; it's about becoming a healthy person." Well, yeah, but as I saw in my 3+ months of cleanliness, these actions keep me unhealthy.

What am I trying to gain with this post?
Donno.
I guess trying to be honest.

Being honest is the first step... yasher koach!
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