Ur too hard on yourself. Carrying the yoke of life is a virtue in and of itself. Most people abdicate the seriousness of life and wouldn't end up on a forum like this.

​The fact that a bunch of 20 to 30 year olds congregate anonymously to figure their s**t out is huge victory. You're among the living. My 2 cents. 

Thanks whatamithinking! You’re so right. 

Day 4 update: I woke up feeling under the weather. Was thinking how much I want to stay home. But was struggling with having to tell my boss that I wouldn’t be in today. I started to go to work. But not feeling as motivated as previous days. There was traffic on the way to work and I stared at a few girls. I’m feeling down. Do girls know how much they control me? I need to get my mood in order so I don’t fall. My mind is back and forth between give in to my feelings of lust and stay strong. I think the root of my mood is that I’m not feeling great. In the past every time I was home sick I would watch porn. I hope I can overcome this. 

thanks for listening.

The girls don’t control you. It’s the fantasy that is controlling you. The work to avoid these feelings is best put in when you are not in the situation of heightened desire. That is when you can build up your resistance through motivation and changing your perspective.

Whatever you do, do not think for a second that giving in will make you feel better. That is utter fantasy and at best will give you a couple of minutes of enjoyment followed by a low that is even worse than how you feel now. On the other hand, the accomplishment of having a 4 next to your name will stay with you for a whole day (and beyond)

Vehkam wrote on 23 Mar 2022 14:15:

Yep. Fantasies and lust = life of misery. Ability to simply move on from undesired thoughts of women that popped into brain = life of freedom and ability to serve Hashem with joy.

Larry Bird wrote on 23 Mar 2022 13:34:

Try this talk from Dov. guardyoureyes.com/GYEFiles/MP3s/Dov/Dov%20to%20Bochur%20News-story.mp3

How about this idea:
When you feel creeping up passion/temptation/laziness, try to focus on saying thank you to Hashem! You should be jumping up and dancing and singing to Hashem!! Hashem gave you these emotions because he loves you! He knows this is good for you - to have challenges and opportunity to be better, overcome things etc. Hashem knows that is the best for you, instead of being a robot with no challenges, no opportunities! Thank you Hashem!!

If you can not jump up and dance, still try to think about this.

Does that help you?

Day 4 recap: after this mornings small challenges I got good chizzuk from vehkam and others. Bh my feelings went away!! Thank you all! 

thank you for reading. Keep you posted hatzlacha!

I just gave in. I’m working from home today. Frustrating work situation. Gave in it was too easy. I didn’t open my laptop the whole week, but I had to today to work. Started with listen to a woman singing. Then when I got frustrated I lost control of myself. The journey never ends.

Larry Bird wrote on 24 Mar 2022 16:52:

Sorry about your fall and pain in this struggle. Pause, strengthen yourself, and get up and get moving again though. You can do it. Also, read my signature; it's important. Have a good day.

As long as you keep fantasizing, you will never be able to stop masturbating.

This isn't fair. If I'm not looking at porn at least let me pretend like I am!!!

Whatamithinking wrote on 24 Mar 2022 20:29:

And then unfortunately I usually wind up not pretending anymore..

Whatamithinking wrote on 24 Mar 2022 20:29:

Perhaps there’s not much difference. If you take fantasy out of the equation, or in other words shut the imagination section of your brain, doesn’t most/all of porn loose its “lust”er?

The journey doesn’t end but if you can change your perspective the journey becomes exciting and rewarding. The beginning is difficult by the rewards are exponentially great.

Bh It’s been going well.