So I haven’t been very active on GYE in the last 6 months or so but I made a promise to start posting again and try to fix the damage in my life and help myself achieve Freedom from the Pain.

So before I chuck my resolution into the dustbin of history and call it a day I’ll lay some ground rules for myself:

1) I will try to post at least once bi-weekly

2) My posts will be detailed about everything (The good, The bad and the in between.

​The goal of this thread is to hopefully heal myself of all my pain and hopefully Bezras Hashem reach 90 days.

Welcome back
Where are you holding at the moment?

Welcome!
You have no idea how much chizuk we all get when someone commits to try his best, we wish you hatzlacha with the help of Hashem!

​Now is such a good time to start as we stand 30 days before pesach, the time of FREEDOM! 

Keep on posting and keep on growing! 

Meyer,
Welcome back. What is paining you? It is hard to work on recovery while in pain. You need to work on getting well before you can try to commit to working on anything. 
Feel free to share or reach out to the vets here. 
May you be zoche to a refuah shleime bkorov.

So I’m currently holding at 3 days, I hit 70+ days twice. We are coming up to the one year anniversary of me being on GYE in about 3 weeks. This time last year I was an addict that used M 2-3 times daily and P to support the habit, I have not used P since I started on GYE. I have a cumulative of 316 days clean as of this post and the diary says I used M “only” 14 times in this year which all comes out to a decrease of 98%. If all this is correct then the Yetzer Hara made a pretty bad investment.

As for what pains me, I am in yeshivah and until recently I had a group of “friends” that did alot of ‘good’ for me. As much as I’m not in the wrong, it still hurts to be taken advantage of in every way possible and then be kicked to the curb when you need help. I kicked them to the curb and connected with people who are a little more loyal. Still hurts.

I’v been under an unhealthy amount of stress since yeshivah restarted and thats not helping my case either. Purim was pretty trashy to me this year but then again this whole year has been one big dumpster fire. 

Well this has been a rant, I’m going to sign off with a hope that things get better in the future.

Sometimes it's ok to rant. It's a way of letting all that pain out. I know things will be better for you in the future.

So it’s been a little over two weeks and it’s time for an update.

So yeshivah has ended for the next few weeks and that means everything to me, I’m finally getting the break I want.

I did fall twice but I hope the changes I implemented will help.

My thoughts are running all over the place right now so I’m going to sign off here and post a little later when hopefully I get everything straight.

To 90 days bezras Hashem,
Meyer

Hey there R'Meyer. How are you?
Please send us news.

Went out for a 40 day streak, longest in a while.

I have a lot of questions,
1) It doesn’t say anywhere in the Torah that masturbating is assur (im not saying it should be done, it should be abstained from at all costs for other reasons) so where do we know that it is assur and what are the repercussions? (Whereas adultery is mentioned as assur)

2) Why me? Yeah it’s a common question but why do I have to suffer when I look around and see people complaining about their troubles which consist of the following: “How come he has so much money?”, “I NEED that piece of clothing”, etc

3) I’m not happy and I can’t put a finger on why, Learning doesn’t make me happy, Socializing is temporary, as well as any new gimmick or whatnot that I buy. I used to get pleasure out of my side hustle in the trades now that I don’t care for. Anything that gave me some happiness is now cumbersome and tiring to get through. Any ideas?

Summer is coming and that strikes a nerve in me, not going to be easy to walk, drive or go anywhere.

On the bright side, I finalized my plans to transfer to a different yeshivah for the coming year, hopefully that will turn out well

All the best,
Meyer

Meyer M. wrote on 30 May 2021 04:57:

Hey, welcome back, haven't seen you around in a while.
Well done on the 40 day streak, that's really good!

Been struggling with your 2nd question as well recently, it's been on my mind recently as well, but I don't have an answer to give you right now, still looking for one myself
Good to hear about the new Yeshiva, hatzlocho rabo
Looking_to_Improve

40 days is awesome!

Check this link out if you can:

guardyoureyes.com/articles/questions-and-answers/item/the-prohibittions-for-men-and-women?onepage=1

Meyer M. wrote on 30 May 2021 04:57:

The gemara in niddah (13b) learns it out from the pasuk לא תנאף which is one of the עשרת הדיברות. And the gemara says that the pasuk ידיכם דמים מלאו is said on that person.
The gemara says that one that does it belongs in cheirim. Check out that gemara for more. 
See also shulchan aruch אבן העזר סי' כ"ג where it says that it is assur. 

EDIT: didn't realize that zedj had a link. Check that out...

#1 generation of "Noach" and "Er and Oinan". If the seed does not end up inside the appropriate vessel is wasting seed.

#2 the person that wants "that

#1 generation of "Noach" and "Er and Oinan". If the seed does not end up inside the appropriate vessel is wasting seed.

#2 the person that wants "that

Meyer M. wrote on 30 May 2021 04:57:


Said the student to his Rebbe: “I want happiness”. Replied the Rebbe: “First remove the “I” which is haughtiness. Then remove the “want” which is desire. After that, all that will be left is “happiness”.

Attaining happiness and the great light of G-d is achieved when a person merits to change their focus from the SELF to that of being of service to G-d. We also find this concept hinted at in Tehillim in a number of places. Here are 3 examples:

1. The Pasuk in Tehhilim (30:12) says: פתחת שקי ותאזרני שמחה- “You have opened my sack and girded me with joy”. I have heard explained that “opened my sack” refers to giving. Through “giving” one finds true joy.

2. Another Pasuk says (Tehilim 51:14): השיבה לי ששון ישעך ורוח נדיבה תסמכני - “Return to me the joy of Your salvation, and uphold me with a spirit of giving”. Again we see how the spirit of “giving”, of being of service to others and to G-d, is directly connected with happiness.

3. (Tehilim 105:3)יִשְׂמַח לֵב מְבַקְשֵׁי ה'– “The hearts of those who seek G-d will rejoice”: What does “Seeking G-d” really mean? Those who seek G-d want to be like G-d; Givers – not Takers. This, implies Dovid Hamelech again in Tehillim, is the secret to true happiness.