Was mekabel on myself to start davening from a siddur and not walk around during davening. (Those are two directives from the 5th Lubavitcher Rebbe as prerequisites for proper תפלה-קונטרס התפלה פרק יא)
As a result my davening today was much better then it has been lately, very calming. Hopefully I can make it a permanent habit and not just something I do when I’m inspired.

I slipped last night, listened to something I shouldn’t of. But I didn’t fall because I didn’t want to rip up three bucks...

I feel lost and helpless, stranded on an island on the stormy sea called Life, with no tools to build a ship strong enough to deliver me from the clutches of crushing self-doubt and depression, to the safe harbor of confidence and success.
But there's a faint voice of hope within me, an echo of a deep seated faith that G-d has not abandoned me, that he has not left me alone.
That somewhere on this island there are tools and materials to build a strong and sturdy naval vessel, with which to safely embark to calmer waters and friendlier shores. 

Good night

Dont ever stop looking!
BEZH you will find the tools...when, I can't tell you but you will as long as you don't give up!

Wishing you much success!

Feeling weak.
I want to look at naked women
I need a release 

Sounds rough, maybe we can speak on the chat?

Thanks @wngu for your time spent chatting with me, and @zedj for answering my SOS call. Crisis averted for tonight, bezh.
gonna try to get a few hours of sleep now...

This is the way to do it! Call on the troops for back up.

#werenotaloneanymore #wequithiding

Day nineteen 

Thankful to Hashem that I am still clean, that I have a better therapist, supportive parents and siblings, close friends and numerous gifts and talents.

Praying to Him that I successfully utilize all of the above in the proper way, in accordance with his will, and that he speedily sends us Moshiach. So that our service to him will feel natural and no longer be fraught  with difficulty and pain.

ואמרת ביום ההוא אודך ה׳ כי אנפת בי, ישוב אפך ותנחמני

OivedElokim wrote on 08 Apr 2021 04:43:

IF there's one thing I've learned from being on GYE, it's that the battle itself gives you the tools you need to succeed, because whenever you lose you learn what caused the loss and then you can take steps to avoid it. Plus, people tend to pick up other good habits while battling, like you with your davening. That makes me think you're definitely on the right track. Just continue learning from your losses (though I hope you don't have any more), picking up good habits, and relying on your support system and I know you'll win. It's obviously going to happen sooner or later because you're "oivedElokim ", and a true oived Elokim  will do what Hashem wants no matter how hard it is for him. Have a great shabbos!!!

Not sure if I should reset my count.
I looked at inappropriate stuff on YouTube last night (asked my friend to put in the code and downloaded it) but I didn’t see full on porn and I didn’t masturbate-took a lot of self control...
What do you guys think?

OivedElokim wrote on 11 Apr 2021 16:15:

Whichever will help you keep clean. Lots of guys have different bars for 90 days depending where they are holding. At the end of the day it's a tool, not a status, use it as it best works for you.

If not masturbating was your goal; well you didn't masturbate. (but if it happenes too often then I think you should reset it)
If your goal was to keep your eyes away from inappropriate material, then I guess you should reset it.
But if resetting it will make you masturbate because 'why not, either way I'm at 0' then I think you shouldn't reset it.

I think resetting it will cause me to feel more open to falling, and avoiding masturbation is my main goal, so I think I’ll leave it for now

I vote to not reset

As an aside, I always find extra diligence necessary after a slip. My mind gets cloudy again. Stay safe out there.