100 days clean

Who ever thought this post would become reality....
I can't take my clean days for granted....
One day at a time.

Wishing you all well

101 days clean

BH im doing well.

Wishing you all well and a good shabbos!

105 days clean
a quick update:
Motzie shabbos was a spiral down.
BH Im still on track and will be pushing forward with some changes.

What happened: for sme reason I was very triggered over shabbos and just wasn't leaving me alone  fantasy after fantasy then random desires ect ect. 

motzie shabbos I decided I would watch on youtube parts of a comedy show to relax.. slowly the spiral started and I did not watch the most kosher inyanim in the world..maybe not even that bad but still detrimental to the cause.

After speaking with a very chushuv GYE member I'm still on track
moving forward:
@anothershot, little beknowest to you, you inspired me to take the leap to block youtube from my device at least for the time being (it just makes me feel better to say "just for now" )

Although the things on youtube is definitely a far cry from the thrill of porn but after awhile of not using (BH) I guess I'm alot more sensitive to the slightest things.
I know others mentioned the same idea but it didn't fully register...I had to experience it and understand it myself.

To be clean means willing to change...I guess I'll have to find some new hobbies ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I think I understand this now, so youtube is out of reach for me...just for now.

(I don't mean to say youtube is OKAY... obviously I know it can get really bad... probably worse then people think. Im just trying to bring out the point that the smallest things can be a trigger as is evident from my experience)

YouTube has been the doorway to falling for too many guys. Someone will have a big zchus when he develops a similar site that is simply kosher from shmutz and apikorsus. Anyone out there?

106 days clean

BH today went well. 

Had some nasty fantasy envelope me earlier today (who am I fooling?...it was amazing) 
BH it was only momentarily and successfully distracted myself.

​I Don't have access to social media nor to youtube
however I still find myself constantly looking for activity or action.
it's either GYE constantly refreshing the page 
Or checking whatsapp or news sites waiting for the next "big" bombshell.

What concerns me more is even when I put my phone on zen mode (only calls are allowed during the down time) for a certain amount of time I still find myself subconsciously picking up my phone multiple times.

Would this be considered an internet addiction? Bad habit? Both?

any suggestions?

YouTube has been the doorway to falling for too many guys. Someone will have a big zchus when he develops a similar site that is simply kosher from shmutz and apikorsus. Anyone out there?

There is a site called Gruntig that posts all the Jewish music videos etc that are posted on Youtube and Vimeo He also includes some interesting videos from Youtube such as news stories that affect us or funny animal videos. When he posts political or news videos,he does a pretty good job blocking out any one not dressed appropriately. This can be great alternative to Youtube.


Two points of caution: This is ideal for someone that would otherwise be on Youtube etc. if you would be learning,working or spending time with family then this site could be a big time waster. In addition,and this is  really very important...You can access youtube directly by clicking on a video on this site. Therefore it extremely important to only use this site with a filter that will allow you to see the videos on gruntig but not access the actual Youtube site. I believe all the popular filters are able to do this.


Hatzlocha!

Zedj wrote on 10 Mar 2021 07:12:

It's a bad habit. For the sake of your future shalom bayis/focus on family iyh, try to slowly lessen your dependency on technology to feel fulfilled. A good jog or basketball game will do much more for your "thrill need" in a healthy manner.

I too suffer from this. I believe there is good news and bad news for us. The bad news is that this definitely seems like signs of a technology/phone addiction. The good news is that we seem to be experiencing withdrawal symptoms (having those subconscious impulses to look at our phones)- this means that we are on our way to recovery! 

The difference between this addiction vs let's say a drug addiction is that it is nearly impossible to function in modern society without having access to a phone. We need it to contact people, navigate places, and to an extent research things. 

So, obviously, even though we're trying to recover from this addiction, "relapse" is imminent because we're going to need our phones/computers eventually. 

Basically, I don't have the solution for you (because let's face it, if i did, I would not be on this site). However, I'm here to say you're not alone in this. Also let's be real, going to GYE or whatsapp when you have the impulse to look at something is far better than the "alternative"...

Totally relate to constantly refreshing the page on GYE. GYE addicts...

111 days clean
Everyday I'm clean I rejoice!
Really!
I don't think I thank Hashem enough for his kindness of giving me the strength to overcome the daily challenges
(yes...as some wise man said "even with a filter the yetzer hora won't go away")

Thank you to the wonderful chevra here!

Wishing you all well

Wow absolutely incredible- superhuman almost!
You make a good point about thanking Hashem. Even though He's the one who gave us the nisayon, He also gave us the kochos to overcome it. The more we thank Him, the more He will provide us with kochos.

Zedj wrote on 15 Mar 2021 05:32:

111 !!!  beyond amazing! 
Thanking Hashem brings salvation. I once saw the following explanation of a pasuk in Tehilim, "יודו לה' חסדו– we are to thank Hashem for His kindness – ונפלאותיו לבני אדם – and then He will bring wonders and miracles to us afterward."

115 days clean

@DavidT Thank you. I will keep this in mind!
The fact I'm here and clean..to me is a personal miracle!

Now I'm home. I prefer to call it "the lions den".

The night before my flight I made a contract that includes "not to go on an unfiltered device unless it's in absolute view of others or if noone is there I must text a certain gye member before use" 

So far this has been very helpful and keeping me inline. 

Thankfully I've been kept busy cleaning BH.
I hope I stay busy..

Wishing you all well

Hey Zedj,

good for you!!

It is soo good to login after so many days and see you at 115 days! You made my night!

Keep on shteiging!

120 days clean (4 months!)

@R.E.M I'm glad I made your night!

So just before about a half hour ago I decided I would try to look up a comedy show...turns out my filter blocks all streaming sites so that didn't work out..
I'm actually happy it didn't work out because all could've gone down hill from there.

I'm sharing the recent events to hold myself accountable since I did try hard to find a website that would let me view the show.

in other news BH I'm being kept busy and so far unfiltered devices around the house has not posed a serious problem for me...I hope it stays that way.

wishing you all well