Ish MiGrodno wrote on 25 Jan 2021 04:40:
Wow Zedj, mazel tov on this truly remarkable accomplishment!
Please reflect and let us know what has been working for you?
i.e., what three pieces of advice would you give to a newbie on GYE?
The zechusim you have for the chizuk that you give to others is immeasurable ~ IMG
90 days clean!
It's definitely not an easy nisoyon to master and overcome. This we know from the fact there are so many of us that are working on ourselves for months or even years.
I would like to share some tips that really helped me.
1- Eccept your challenge:
We all have different challenges in life. Hashem gave you a certain struggle? Come to terms with it (easier said than done).. that is what really helped me look for a way out of the mess that I created for myself. It did not happen overnight. There was alot of guilt, shame and confusion with my struggle. I realized that I have a problem. I couldn't hold out more then a couple weeks and before I new it....back to square one. Eccept the struggle. It's going to be with you probably for the rest of your life. You were never meant to be perfect but you are not free from working on yourself.
2- make the call:
most guys struggling are afraid they will not be understood. I myself was skeptical about calling someone or speaking to anyone for that matter. I promise to those that have not called a veteran GYE member, you are understood. I know the feeling....I had wanted so desperately to talk about my struggle with somebody that can understand. From when I realized and eccepted the fact I had a problem, so much time past. I wasted so much time by not calling, I can only blame myself for it. If you can please take the opportunity to speak with someone you trust in person about your struggle. If you cannot, please pick up the phone and call a GYE veteran. Don't waste prescious time. The call is hard but it will work wonders if your seriously trying to stop. The guys here at gye understand very well what your going through. If your not ready for the call, at least start your own thread and share your story. Starting my own thread and calling/texting fellow GYE members really worked wonders for me.
3-filter up: boy did I underestimate a filter. It can't be your only tool but it works! Don't go for the filters that you get in the app store that you know you can by-pass. Don't fool yourself. Get a good filter such as netspark or gentech. Pretty much all of the other filters I've tried were bogus and a sham. There is no such thing as a perfect filter but as long as you let the filter do its job, you should be fine.
4- one day at a time: there is no magic pill to take that will make your desires/fantasies disappear rather focus on the "today now". "Now" I have choice and now I'm in control...just for today
There are so many more on hand tools to overcome this struggle but I think this will suffice for now.
Thank you all for your support, guidance, perspectives and chizuk. I could not have made it to this day without you guys!
Thank you GYE for everything you do!
I plan to continue updateing and keep myself accountable with my partner and continue my progress here.
Wishing you all much hatzlocha and continued success in this struggle that we wish we never had to overcome.
To be honest...i still despise the fact I will have a "desire" or have a fantasy of sorts and it kills me inside every time but I know now that I have the ability to control these desires and fantasies. I know Hashem is watching me and guiding me and I will have the strength to be strong and be an example for others going through a similar struggle.