73 days clean

BH im doing well.
I'm so grateful for everyday I can say "I'm clean".

Me thinking: I'm 73 days clean and I feel good...how do guys fall after tasting "freedom"!?

5 minutes later: oh look..A pretty girl!

I think I get it, there is no "freedom" just we can learn to not dwell or get overwhelmed by an urge or desire/fantasy.

Uch....it's hard.

Wishing you all well.

75 days clean

Shabbos was splendid.

Wishing you all a gut voch.

77 days clean

It's been harder day but Bh ending it off with me on top.

If anyone can explain to me like I'm 5:

what is the difference between lust vs attraction....is there an element of lust within attraction?

All I can think of is that there might be an over obsession when it comes to lust

I'm asking out of curiosity

Wishing you all well.

I'm not yet in the parsha so I don't have many relationships with nashim but it would seem to me that attraction is when you find someone's character and middos attractive and for that reason would want to spend the rest of your life with that person as opposed to lust which is based off of purely looks and is meant to derive pleasure

78 days clean

B"H was a good day.


@E.H.1836
Thank you for your answer.
I'm not involved in any relationships at this time as well but soon enough.

Wishing you all well.

Hi,
I assume you are referring to physical attraction vs lust. If you mean general attraction that can encompass personality,humor,middos etc. and lust obviously has none of those.
However if you are referring to be physically attracted to someone vs lusting after them it is more tricky. Sometimes it can just a be difference in semantics about how you are referring to the same thing.However we can differentiate.Attraction is needed in a marriage.However,possibly lust would refer to acting upon said attraction without any regard for any other variable. Pure selfish gratification.Attraction can lead to lust or it can lead to healthy marriage. It all depends upon who is in the drivers seat. Is it the neshama or the nefesh habahami? The attraction can be channeled the right way or the wrong way.
I am not sure if it is clear what I am trying to say. If anyone else can explain better please do so!

The consequence of attraction can oftentimes be selfless; i.e., I am attracted to this woman so I want to be meitiv to her. However, that very same attraction can easily lead to selfish lust - in which the hapless woman is no more than a heichi timtza for a beast to satisfy (very temporarily) a ravenous appetite.

In summation: Attraction is the impetus....for either becoming a nosein or a mekabeil.

Make sense?

And by the way, the oilam is extremely proud of our dear chaver zedj : )

Zedj wrote on 05 Feb 2021 07:57:

First of all your are AWESOME!!!!

Second -

You are so close to the emes, but slightly off.

You are right that there will never be time in this world without the yetzer hara because that is the purpose of this world so that we may enjoy the next world. "Today is to do the mitzvot, and tomorrow is to get their reward."

However, there IS still freedom! Freedom is when you realize that that is the purpose and you say I am going to control myself. The first look is on Hashem, if you look for the second you are a slave. However, if you turn away you are FREE and in control. That's why they call it, "breaking free."

For example, there is a common mistake people have with filters. They think that if they need a filter they don't have self control. Who wants to feel like they have no control?? The truth is the opposite - when you put up a safeguard you say that I am in control of the situation and I will dictate how I want my life to go!

This is freedom! Saying that I am going to choose a life of purity and following through is Freedom at it's best!! I will be free from the yetzer hara, I will be free from lust, and I will be free from urges!!

Keep up the incredible work and inspiring us all!!!! 

#ChooseFreedom

There is nothing lustful about physical attraction. A future wife should be someone you would be proud walking in the street with and feel satisfied with her sitting with you at your Shabbos table. Of course our thoughts should stay away from the sexual realm; but a pretty face, lilting voice, and dressing pleasantly has nothing to do with sex. 

83 days clean

Nothing short of a miracle here folks!

Thank you all for your responses.

@BYHH
Your earlier post was exactly how I have been feeling the whole day.
I aswell had a wet dream it's not an experience I want to have.
It can be a frustrating patch but what do we expect after useing pornography as an escape for long periods of time?
It's gonna linger around for abit.
I only hope these thoughts and fantasies fade away as we work to be clean from the garbage.

One day at a time. 

I am not a Rav,therapist( at least not this kinda therapist),or expert in any way. However,regarding wet dreams I don't think you to have blame your previous bad habits. They are a normal part of healthy males lives in (what i think is) your age bracket. Is there an element of Teshuvah that we have to do for it? Yes,but it doesn't come to the levels needed for our other issues
.When discussing Torah personalities an obvious introduction is that we don't understand them at all but just using their lives to learn from them...Yaakov Avinu was praised that Reuven was his first seed. I assume that means it wasn't common by other tzadikim. Do we think ChvSh that they masturbated?? No,it was keri or wet dreams. Meaning that even back then it happened!
I am pretty sure that even those that BH are fairly sheltered in today's world regularly  have this issue. Ridding ourselves of this, is something to aspire to,but not something to be overly concerned about.
Hatzlocha!

serenity wrote on 15 Feb 2021 04:28:

Long time no see.
Nice to "see" you again.

Lou wrote on 15 Feb 2021 04:34:

My Rebbi told me that R' Volbe told him that R' Elya Lopian told him that in his day as a Mashgiach, 99% of Bochrim had mz"l. this obvioulsy not to say that they were addicted, did it multiple times or struggled with it for many years, but still.

Wet dreams that come unprovoked (without lusting intensely during the previous day) should be completely ignored. They are an expected subconscious experience due to past habits and will iyh eventually diminish. Much has been written about them on the forum. Just keep on moving forward and do not pay any attention to them.