Day 52

BH a good regular day, no urges to report on
Spoke to netspark tonight, trying to get something sorted which has been a problematic for a while. BH it hasn't been an issue recently, but I would like to close it off completely

Day 53 

BH a good day. Had a bit of an urge today, just before l had a nap this afternoon, I haven't had one in a while. BH it was gone by the time I got up

Day 54

Went for a run tonight. BH today was good

Day 55

BH a good day today

Day 56
8 Weeks
Decent day today, bH. Was feeling a bit down tonight, and I didn't have such a great night Seder. I was in my room alone at one point, but I realised I couldn't start having bad thoughts, because that would lead to a slippery slope.

Later I went to a shiur on Ramban, and this part on Hashem removing Pharaoh's free will struck a chord, (maybe have a look at the whole piece, I was gonna say something about how it relates to us, but it's getting too late)

 מתרה בו פעם ראשונה ושניה ושלישית ואינו חוזר בו והוא נועל בו דלת מן התשובה כדי לפרוע ממנו מה שחטא. כך פרעה הרשע, כיון ששגר הקב''ה אצלו חמש פעמים ולא השגיח על דבריו, אמר לו הקב''ה אתה הקשית את ערפך והכבדת את לבך, הריני מוסיף לך טומאה על טומאתך

www.sefaria.org/Ramban_on_Exodus.7.3.1

Day 57

Used my time well today
Have a great shabbos everyone!

Looking_to_Improve

Day 58

Had a nice shabbos BH. Didn't use my time so well tonight, but trying to get an earlier night, my sleep schedules been getting later, and I don't think that would do me any good in this area, so trying to make a change.

Shavua tov

Took me a while to fall asleep last night. Eventually I got out of bed to do some sudoku, to make me feel tired. After a few mins I felt an low to medium urge to act out. I haven't had one like that recently.

My phone was in zen mode(everything gets blocked for an hour or two), but I was concerned about acting out when it ended. (If it ended, I was planning to post here and restart it for another 2 hours, the maximum interval, but who know what would have happened)

I davened to Hashem, saying I really don't want this. You've given me this beautiful koach, but I really don't want to use it before I'm married. I don't want to continue viewing women as objects, and head back down the slippery slope that it leads to.

I went to the bathroom and tried to say asher yotzar with a lot of cavono.BH I went to bed clean last night

Looking_to_improve wrote on 17 Jan 2021 06:25:

You have no idea how much these sort of posts inspire me.......... it takes such willpower..... incredible....

excellence wrote on 17 Jan 2021 09:01:

Actually it takes planning. Knowing in advance that these urges are temporary, knowing that speaking it out to Hashem works, and knowing why you want to stay clean, all create a matzav that one does not panic when an urge hits. "I know what to do, I switch into that mode, and iyh I will be ok".

My afternoon seder chavrusa has an interview or something today, so he had to leave halfway through. Feeling a bit of an urge now.
Going to try do some shnayim mikra now, maybe listen to a shiur on shovavim.
Will keep you all posted

Feeling a bit better now, but still a bit on edge.
My schedule is pretty busy from now, through to the end of night Seder, so even if I have an urge, I'm not gonna have much free time.

Looking_to_improve wrote on 17 Jan 2021 16:02:

You are almost at 60 days! That's incredible. It seems like you have a pretty good handle on dealing with urges. We all appreciate your posts, and the inspiration it gives us. Keep on sharing, and keep us updated! 

Day 59

BH I'm feeling back to normal now. Thank you grant for post and thank you everyone else for the 'Thank you's, it makes a big difference to have you all here in the battlefield.

Day 60
2 months
2/3rds to 90

BH today was a good day.
Got a loophole in my filter fixed today finally. BH it hasn't been an issue for the last 2 months, probably because I've had webchaver, but I feel more at ease now that's it's closed up, given that for the last few days I've had to email back and forth etc, and it's been somewhat on my mind.