Zedj wrote on 06 Nov 2020 04:42:

Yes, I think that's very important to have in mind.I think I should add, that given that Hashem is infinite and doesn't need to create anything in order to be complete, he has no need to create us or anything in order to fill a lacking within himself. I think it follows, that then Hashem's act of creating us, is out of his love for us, the 'want' for us that you mentioned.

Day 21, 3 weeks
Very happy to head into shabbos with 3 weeks under my belt, boruch Hashem.

I think I used my time effectively today, on a day where there's often too much free time. Filling my daily schedule definitely helps to avoid urges and times when I could act time.
Did some more learning than normal, made some calls, and went for a run.

Hope you all have a great shabbos
Looking_to_Improve

Dear Mr. Improving_like_crazy, aka- Looking_to_improve,

You are doing tremendous. It's an honor to be privy to your struggles and triumphs. Witnessing such brutal self introspection and honesty is inspiring. Reading about your success and your growing is truly amazing.

As we watch you continue to achieve great heights, we see you learn tips and tricks. How to avoid triggers. How to proudly fend off advances by the Yetzer harah. Like you mentioned, to stay busy etc. These are all phenomenal conduits to kedusha. They must be kept in place forever if necessary. These are lessons that should remain etched in stone eternally.

I'd to just raise one point that's made a big difference to me. I don't know if you are comfortable yet or not. Obviously this is not something to jump to immediately. But eventually you can start to change your mindset and understand that you yourself don't do "these" things anymore. You do indeed have the power to resist. Instead of constantly being on edge lest you have an urge that will ambush and neutralize you, you can have to a certain degree a level of confidence in your own ability not to be swayed easily.

Obviously no mindset or understanding or even clean history can allow us to become careless. All preventive measures must remain in place. But just having this understanding and confidence in your own ability as you see your streak growing, will make life more pleasant and less intense.

In the beginning we must always be on edge, because urges are on the prowl and we know if attacked we can assume we will be weakened and overcome. After rebuilding our arsenal of weapons and understanding that we do have a choice and we can say no, we can relax. Not our standards or safety measures. Not ever. But our constant state of panic and lack of confidence and "white knuckling" can ease. We don't relax our security measures but just the edge of nervousness of "Will I succeed? Omg! Will I?" that comes along with it.We are changed men. We are real men. We decide based on our heart and mind not via our base desires like animals in a jungle.

In essence what I'm saying is that just understanding how you've grown can help ease the intensity and edge of desperation off of the battle and can actually give you a boost of confidence. I hope I was clear enough.

Hatzlacha!

                                 Grant

Grant400 wrote on 06 Nov 2020 15:58:


Day 22
Had a nice shabbos, generally don't have any issues over shabbos. 
Went for a run, had a melave malka and just been sorting my laundry tonight, so kept myself occupied.

Thank you Grant really appreciate it.
I think I've passed the "white knuckle" stage, I think on my last count I also felt similar. Once the days begin to count up, I start to feel a bit more relaxed with my struggle. I think I'm going to continue updating daily for the time being, I don't have much else on my phone, so anyway I'm often around on the forums, and I also find myself a bit more grateful to HKB"H for when thing are going easier. 

Day 23
Had a wet dream last night, don't think I bought it about. Was a bit frustrated (not that I might have bought it about, just that weird mood when you wake up with your heart pumping) when I woke up, but I think I'm back to normal now. At least I had enough time in the morning to clear myself off, and get to davening early

ignore it completely. It has no effect on your streak. Much has been written on thr forums about a wet dream at this stage being a sign that the subconscious realizes that you consciously will bh not be doing this stuff any more, so it is actually a good sign. Of course that is only if it "comes out of the blue". If someone cha v'shalom spent his day arousing himself and fantasizing a lot, then he is responsible.

Day 23 
Clean day again boruch Hashem. Was very tired and a bit hungry today during 2nd Seder, didn't have an urge, but in the past, I might have acted out as a release. Not much else to add, I think I made the most of today, given that I woke up early with a wet dream

Day 24
Straightforward day again bH. I realised today that a website might not be blocked that I thought was (I wasn't searching around for a loophole at the time).It feels good to be able to email your filter company and leave it be. No checking if it actually was or wasn't blocked (under the guise of 'just checking' when I know I have much worse intentions), no foaming at the mouth like a dog, or thinking what I'm missing out of.
Not much else to report for today.
Been struggling on our sugya, not really holding so much, but ups and downs are to be expected. I did have a very good maariv tonight.

I must learn from your honesty and how in touch with yourself and your emotions you are. Kol hakavod! מחיל אל חיל!

ur amazing. so many people wish they were where you r now at your age.
youv'e had over 2500 views/hits! on your forum. keep it going, realise how many of us care, n make yourself proud!

Day 25
Another clean day bH. Very grateful that days pass by and I don't have much to write

Day 26
Another clean day so far bH. Probably won't have time to update later tonight.
I realised today that over the last 70 days (this streak plus 44 days in the previous one) I've fallen 3 times, all over the course of 2 days. I feel like I'm starting to see my progress when I view it in this way. Very grateful to HKB"H that I've been progressing, and been feeling more relaxed about this battle recently.

This is a great point. The reason behind the 90 day chart is that it is a milestone in overcoming addiction and helps rewire the brain. But it's far from the only goal. And for all the other goals, other ways of counting, such as the way you mentioned, are so valuable.

I think it's important to count both ways:
1) The journey to 90 days.
2) The overall progress of the last 90 days.

And perhaps a third way: how many times in the last 90 days I said no to myself, even for a short time.

Hatzlocha

Wow, thanks for being our inspiration. 26=name of Hashem. What a Kiddush Hashem that in a generation like hours where the battle is so fierce we have such Giboirei Koach. 
once heard, just like a candle before it goes out it flickers feverously trying to grasp onto it's last bit of life, so to The yetzer hora knows that he is going to die very soon and is flickering away with every ounce of his strength to try and ensnare us before he is wiped away forever with Moshiach very soon. Amen.

captain wrote: And perhaps a third way: how many times in the last 90 days I said no to myself, even for a short time.

This to me is ever so important, if we believe so much in the severity of this nisayon, so to we MUST appriciate how much every time we say no is so tremendously Chasuv before HKBH.
we must not  underestimate this. Every No brings upon us a ruach of Kedusha thats impossible to fathom.