15 days clean, just 3 more to reach best in 6 months for me. 
It feels amazing, I have much more peace and clarity, I'm more focused on present. Temptations happen as usual, but it indeed seems a bit easier to discard them. This year ends really well for me. I wish you all and myself to stay on the good path and stay strong in this battle. Even though it may sometimes seem that one more clean day isn't much, remember to multiply this by all fierce warriors here and imagine all the good that comes out of it. The stronger each of us is, the more support he can give to others. Notice how this battle is not only about beating one addiction, to truly win it we must become better human beings. Cleaner in heart and mind, more altruistic, sensitive to do good. Each day, each hour clean, each bad thought repelled is another brick for the great monument of good. Together we are changing the world around us.

eyes, what you did, your altruistic gesture, it's truly amazing and inspiring. The fact that you suffer lots of pain to save someone else's life is the purest form of love that I can imagine. I pray for you and think of you often. May G-d gives you many blessings.  

19 days clean, my best result in more than 6 months, what a great blessing!

I've been listening to The Fight yesterday, the episode about marriage. It was really good and gave me another big perspective on this addiction, healing process and how to become a better (and happier) person. I've also heard some really powerful techniques there, I think I need to listen that again in a while, note them down and work strong on applying them. If you're married like me I strongly suggest to listen to it.

Also yesterday I had unusually strong urges (maybe I'm entering another phase of the healing process after ~3 weeks? I have only been clean for that amount a handful of times - can you give me some tips?). Anyway, here's what happened: I stayed late to work on something and before I went to bed I started checking my mobile phone and peeked on improper sites. It didn't went too far, but obviously only ignited the whole process within me. Today at work, I started to think about it and... peeked again, longer this time. I am getting a little concerned now. I suspect that I will face a big battle this night and probably more in the next few days. Brothers, warriors, please pray for me. I pledged to myself to read the forum this evening. If you could write something to strengthen me, even a few words of encouragement or support, I will greatly appreciate it. I really don't want to fall again. Stay strong.

They say it's withdrawal symptoms and that it will get better. It's at this stage I would've normally been toast and fall hard.
Stay strong. Try to stay away from any temptation at all....not even alittle peek!

Hey man, stay strong! You can do this, you don't need that little peek and you know that it will just make the journey harder.

Soooooo, don't give in and keep us posted about what happened. I'm counting on you, I'm waiting to hear that you remained the true mighty warrior that we all know you to be. 

Look at yourself in the mirror and say, you are strong, you can live without this for another day. This is something that I am capable of doing and you will push past this.

On a side note, what is your goal now that you beat your best result. Make sure to have one as without one, motivation can really plummet. How about 20 days, and when you get there we can work on the next one.

Let me know.

Thank you very much for your posts wilnevergiveup & Zedj. I did the mirror thing. I resisted. I'm still clean and it's day 20! Thanks for the push!

I've decided not to worry too much about next few days and just focus directly on surviving this specific day. One day at a time ("past is gone, future is uncertain - all we have in our hands is now"). Expecting another round of temptations today, I will try to be prepared, same as yesterday.

To answer your question wilnevergiveup - 19 is not my best result. It's 37. 19 was the best in 6 months. I have several milestones ahead:
28 - best in a year
31 - one full month
37 - best ever
45 - halfway through
62 - two full months
90+ - main goal

I think milestones are great and really can help short term but they're not the main motivator for me. Ultimate goal is of course to stay clean forever but I believe it can truly be done only if I become a better person, husband, father altogether. So I'm trying not to get too focused on only removing addiction, but in a more holistic way use this struggle to change for good and reach greatness that G-d planned for all of us.

As for short term, down to earth, easy to measure goals - I'm focused on crossing 90 days. I'm full of hope and willingness to fight. I strongly believe that what is said on this site is true (that scientific studies show it takes about 90 days to change the neuron pathways in the brain created by addictive behaviors).

Thank you again, and thanks everyone who helps me here. I really appreciate it. Stay strong, brothers!

31 days!!

Congratulations!

חזק חזק ונתחזק!

Mazel tov! Keep it up!

36 days clean. I don't have much time to post, but I wanted to write a few words now, because in a few hours I will cross my best streak ever (37 days) which I reached a few years ago! 

I'm really surprised, because before my current streak I had a few months of poor results and felt as if I was not making any progress (all streaks from last 3 months were < 7 days). I've never gave up though and I believe this current result is because of many small battles when I resisted, even if only for a short time.

So brothers, if you just fell and need motivation, keep this in mind - no matter how bad your latest streaks were, stand up immediately and fight, as if this time was the one when you will change your life for good. Who knows, you might as well get surprised as I got.

Around day 20 I had a few days of strong temptations, I peeked a few times but after difficult struggles I finally resisted (thanks to some of you). Same happened a few days ago. I'm trying to be careful and fill myself with proper attitude as ofen as I can. I try to read the tools / articles from this site and listen to The Fight. Recently I've heard the chapter regarding marriage and how to treat my wife and then another one about a role of imagination in our struggle. They opened a few new perspectives for me which helped a lot. If you haven't listened to this recordings I strongly suggest you to try. 

Apart from temptations that come from time to time I feel inner peace and start to see lots of positive changes in me. This result is an amazing achievement for me. I don't know how far I will get this time, but I'm already extremely thankful to all of you that helped me and that I found this site. 

G-d bless you all, I'm praying for you, please pray for me.

Oh G-d, I fell... Just few hours before my top result. I know... What a shame...

You know what? What a success! Haven't got so far in many years. That's right. I fell. I take full responsibilty. It's nobody's fault but mine. But I'm not giving up. I'm picking myself up and dusting off. Already got my 24 hours badge. I'm starting again.


I found this poem, in which I see myself, my struggle and my strength. Perhaps you will find it useful too.

Couple of thoughts:
I had a great streak, lots of good thoughts, peace and focus on good things in my life. I want to continue doing that.

After I fell I vividly saw all those years of enslavement that I lost. All those wasted hours, days, weeks of my life. My heart was in terrible places and I used to feel very low. There were times I had no hope and realized that I was losing my life. I strongly felt that I don't want to go back to that.

Number one reason I fell is becuase I haven't guarded my eyes. I've heard the chapter from "The Fight" about the role of our imagination. There's a story there about a guy who was a chronic alcoholic, addicted so much that he almost died several times. He gets to the point where he decides to do something about it. One time he manages to stay clean for three months. And then, when he's at restaurant, the temptations come and he somehow convinces himself that one shot wouldn't do him harm, because he just ate a full meal plus he drank a glass of milk. Indeed, he notices that he feels fine. So he orders another shot and another glass of milk, telling himself that it would protect his stomach from alcohol. He wakes up in hospital some time later; he got so drunk that they almost lost him. What's the wisdom here? Any normal person would tell right away that it's insane to believe that milk would protect you from booze. Yet this guy somehow convinces himself with that and starts to belive it's true. There's a big lesson for us, how we can lie to ourselves and that leads us to perdition. 
I listened to that. Admitted that I know these mechanisms from autopsy. I was glad I was reminded how they works. Soon later... that's exactly what I did. I started peeking. Somehow told myself one peek wouldn't do harm. And then there was another. And another. I'm sure you know how it goes from there. I even tried to fight several times along the way. But I was already fighting a losing battle.

So brothers, remember. The real and most important time to fight is when you're guarding your eyes. The real struggle is not to peek. And if you haven't been there I can tell you already, that after 30+ days it does get easier. So raise your swords and fight. And remember: "The first principle is that you must not fool yourself and you are the easiest person to fool."

It's day 2. I've stood up and started my journey yet another time. I don't know how far I will get, but I know that I will not give up. Pray for me, please.

T.

Hey Testro!

I'm sorry to hear you had a fall but you should really celebrate!
I would say a steak dinner is where it's at!
36/37 days is an accomplishment!

And good to see you start counting again so soon.
Wishing you much success!

Testero wrote on 24 Jan 2021 20:36:

Great post. If you retain this resolve and use this as a learning experience, you will go places my friend. Chin up!

Wow, what a great post! Much to learn...

Testero, you are a massive inspiration. Iyh you will continue breaking free and while doing so you will shlep alot of guys with you. 

I agree with Zedj. How are you celebrating 36?

Thanks for the replies, guys. I was planning to celebrate 38th day, but you're right, I guess. Second best ever is still a silver medal, right? That steak dinner sounds really nice. I almost forgot how important it is to celebrate milestones. Thank you all again