Day 1

Way to go!!

If only every day would get a short and to the point post just pointing the way forward. No distractions. Just day 1 leading to day 2...

Keep posting and you will get there iy"h

Hatzlacha

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! 

Started day 3. Urges are really hard at night, as usual. I turn off my phone early (auto switch off) to block myself from checking it while in bed. Can't remember how many times I fell like that.

My record clean is 37 days. I'm really commited to reach 90+ this time. I believe this forum and chart will be really helpful. Thank you for your kind words.

Made it to level 3 (day 7). First time in a month. I felt strong urges during the day, but managed to keep my guard up (turned off my phone early, looked the other way when I saw attractive women on the street etc.).

I like to drink a cold beer after a hard day and it was such a day, but said "no" to myself. I've learned not to do it when the urges are strong, because beer makes me less focused and very susceptible to fall. I've never was a big drinker, but still reduced my alcohol consumption drastically in the last few months, and found it very helpful.

I made, however, a mistake of staying up a little too long (wanted to finish a tv show). So when I finally went to bed... that's when the struggle became REALLY hard (staying late is a trigger for me, probably because it's ~95% of time it's when I fall).

My mind was bombarding me with images and cravings, I fell asleep a few times only to being waken up by urges some time later. At that times I had a few slips, but eventually survived.
One of the thougths that helped me to stop, was this forum. It's really the first time I share my struggle like that, so the thought that I will have to admit in front of others that I failed, helped me to resist a little bit.
I reminded myself that a few minutes of pleasure are not worth it. I went that path too many times. 
I also remembered that first two weeks are really the hardest for me. It should gradually get a little bit easier in a while.

Everything that really matters, everything that has a real value in life, requires sacrifice and hard work. It's on obstacles that we rise. I pray everyday to survive till next morning. Trying to keep it one day at a time. 

Praying for you, brohters, please pray for me.

Last night I fell... I was angry and tired and didn't turn off my phone. Now I feel temptations to binge.
I'm standing up, I won't give up! Every hour when I resist, is worth it. Please pray for me...

You got this brother. Not binging after falling is massive!!! KOT!

Kudos for posting on this forum.  Never give up.  We are all rooting you.  I just davaned for you. 

You are amazing. Such a gibor, a warrior of HaShem.
You will win!
hatzlocha!

Thank you, brothers. I wasn't expecting that much of support...
I'm really ashamed to write this, but here's my update: I binged. Badly, fell four days in a row. One of the big lies is, that you will feel better, at least for a while. I felt terrible, worse every day. I analyzed this feeling. At least it reminded me why I hate this addiction so much. Now I'm 30 hrs clean, so hopefully I made my first step, which is to stop.

This experience made me really humble. I think it's good and I'm going to need it if I want to reach 90 days and eventually stay clean.

Last year I was slowly getting better. I had longer streaks of being clean, up to 30+ days. I think I lowered my guard. It became much easier to survive another day, so I started to think I can (at least in a way) control this addiction. 

Truth is, I only need an opportunity and I start to roll downhill. Last month took me by surprise. It was really bad, worst in my whole year, maybe even 2 years. But because it was so bad, I started looking for new tools and that's how I got here. Maybe Hashem is strengthening me and directing to the correct path, by exposing to recent falls.

I really appreciatie all your comments, it is a great push for me. I'm back in square one, yeah, but I'm not giving up! I fell into the mud, face down and his time this addiction kept me down. But now I'm standing up! Until I breath, there's hope. Until I breath, I can make a choice and change my life. And I intend to choose right or die trying. By your support, you're giving me yet another reason to fight. May Hashem bless you and give you strength.

Hi Testero, welcome to the site.

I know the feeling. I'm kinda in the same situation now. Falling over the last 4 days to, I think. But lets do this: your a day ahead. Lets keep it  like that that forever and ever. Your will to fight is a massive support to us all

Keep on posting. Hashem will grant you hatzlocha in this fight. How do I know? Because I can sense you need to be free of this. And Hashem helps those who feel the need to be close to him.

Much beracha, 
Fellow soldier of the Boss, ITK.

Here's my update:
I've been busy. Busy is good. Takes the focus out of things that are irrelevant. I've been clean for 5 days. Then temptations came at night and I fell. That's bad news.

Good news is that I stayed out of erotic content since the previous fall (9 days now). That helps to reduce urges. I consider it a small win.

I'm looking for new tools, something to keep my eyes on my decision. Something to keep me focused on the fight. I found this book here: "The Battle of Our Generation". Started reading it and it seems really good. I plan to read it every day now. 

ITK, thank you for your support. I got distracted and fell. Picked up my sword now and stood up again. I'm eager to fight. I feel the anger for the enemy and strength filling up my body. I don't know if I fell again. But I will never stop standing up. I will never surrender. You're 5 days ahead. Proceed and keep the distance, soldier. I got your back.

EDIT: Proper book title is "The Battle of THE Generation"

That's the spirit! Can't let our falls break us. We gottta just get back up and keep on swinging.

I like the fact you separate the erotica from the other forms of falling. Sometimes we feel - 'I'm falling, may as well do it with all the erotica' etc. But its not true - they are really 2 separate battles. Sure they are interlinked, but one doesn't have to be with the other. So consider the fact you didn't go on erotica a massive win as well.

Lastly the book is great. Also check out 'the fight' series by R' Shafier in the video section of this site. Great series, with some solid tips and techniques, along with chizuk.

Beracha and Hatzlocha.

Just to clarify: there are 2 different books, The Battle of OUR Generation and The Battle of THE Generation. Both are good but use different styles. Check them both out!

Update - I'm still clean. Praying for today for me and you. One day at a time.

ITK - thanks for the recommendation. I watched the 1st video about king David ("dealing with failure"). It resonated a lot with my heart! Great encouragment. 

Captain - thanks for the clarification. I actually found and started reading "The Battle of THE Generation" by S. Hillel. Didn't know there are two books .