@starting

Why do you fall?

Is it lust, or is there something else about your life that bothers you?

To repeatedly fall, was in my experience, the result of something about my life which I did not like.

I had to change my life to help me stay clean.

Why did I fall? 

Probably a combination of: low self esteem, meaning that I don't really believe that I can stop. After a fall that feeling becomes stronger
Habit, the mind wanders  
Seeing things, both recently and in the past 'העין רואה וכי 
Stress relief 
Laziness/boredom

The second and third falls after a long streak are more for feeling like I'll never get there, low self esteem, not really thinking about how important it is tome to stop
The list goes on and on, the y"h has 5000+ years of experience in convincing people why now we should fall, just once, for your own good etc and I only have 20 something years of trying to fight him

I am learning to cut down on how often I fall, how to accept the urge no matter what the y"h comes up with
So there is no one reason why I fall and that second fall will probably follow the first for a long time to come 

Thank you, you have allowed me tap into my thoughts in a helpful way 

1 clean day B"H

@starting

If stress and boredom can cause you to fall - make a list of things you enjoy.
When tempted to fall, do an activity from the list.

In fact, do activities from that list as prevention too, before you are tempted.

You made a great point -

sometimes the urge happens anyway,

but it is up to you how you respond to it.

Clean today b"h

Clean today b"h 

These are my favorite posts! People underestimate the power of just posting that you had a good day. Please continue to keep us updated!

Almost fell this morning as I woke up before I was really alert.
B"h I caught myself on time and forced myself to think. I am currently not the type of guy that does that stuff out of habit. 

Will have to try go to sleep on time so I am ready to wake up when morning arrives. Not always practical in August. 

B"h still clean

This is the title that really speaks to me
This is what am striving for every time I have a nisayon
This is something I am actively trying to do and since it's סור מרע I cannot ever give in

When get to eved hashem I will be happy but I won't feel it to be so true
עבד השם is עשה טוב Which is a different league
It's a 24/7 title

Right now I am fighting every struggle as a separate battle and I am working on actively being כובש את יצרו As much as need be throughout the entire next 7 days
May HaShem not test us, it is just so hard

From here the only way to go is up and that is to be a real eved hashem
24/7

14 days clean b"h

There is nothing like a phone call

Had quite a struggle 

Clean 

Baruch Hashem 

Keep up the great work!! 

The struggle doesn't mean you are NOT succeeding, rather it is proof you are!!

Day 19: Absolutely filthy

Horrible things happened/happening last night/today 

Really stressful 

Worst is probably still to come

Will Iy"h post story full  in my thread on the marrieds' forum, about time I posted there anyway

Funny, I'm not really feeling like M *********** is the first go to, I'm even feeling like it will make it worse! 
Really couldn't control that one, my mind was too clouded

At least I matched my last record of 18 days, I was really desperate for that feeling of streaks getting bigger

Really glad I have you guys...

Have not had time for this websitewebsite but week

I am now b"h 3 days clean

Hatzlacha 

starting wrote on 20 Aug 2020 05:35:

Getting back up immediately after a fall, especially after a streak like yours is brutal. You did it. You should be proud of yourself, because you made me proud that I "know" you. Thank you for the inspiration.