Read once, then minimize to save screen space.

Forum Overview

Post on the forum to get support, tell your story and reach out for help when feeling weak!

You will never be alone in this struggle again.

The GYE forum is anonymous platform of group support, and a life-line of chizuk for hundreds of people in exactly your situation. 

To use the forum you need to first become a member of the site, sign up here.

After signing up to the site, go to the forum, enter one of our boards and press "New Topic" to begin posting! 

Welcome, Guest

There must be a way
(0 viewing) 
Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!

TOPIC: There must be a way 5148 Views

Re: There must be a way 13 Nov 2020 13:25 #357385

  • Grant400
  • Current streak: 12 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 1040
  • Karma: 105
starting wrote on 13 Nov 2020 06:17:
70 days!! 

OR 10 weeks as grant would put it in my name.
Amazing! 
To think that just 10 weeks ago I seeing 10 days as near impossible, having rarely held a 10 day streak, b"h I learned of a different perspective about 8 weeks ago. 
It's not about days or weeks, it's about me. 
Me as in a guy who acts differently. I don't need it, I won't do it. 

B"h it's gotten easier and I'm quite careful with avoiding triggers so on to day 71...

Hey buddy! I wasn't creating lines in your name, most came from your own earlier posts. Check it out. I just compiled "שופרא דסטארטינג".

Re: There must be a way 20 Nov 2020 06:50 #357603

  • starting
  • Current streak: 5 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 429
11 b"h
The start of 'STARting' is 'star'. Just start and you're a star!!
... and btw I really really love you! you keep me inspired!

'the cleaner I stay, the cleaner I stay' - AlexEliezer
העבר עיני מראות שוא, בדרכך חינו (תהלים קיט, לז)
PM me for my phone number

Re: There must be a way 01 Dec 2020 16:12 #358012

  • starting
  • Current streak: 5 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 429
I still get these urges to fall. 
When will He just leave me alone? When will He just accept that I will not do it? Just stop trying me out. 

HHM taught me to view it like robbing a bank. Would love to (very useful) but even if the idea would come up in the back of mind, it would not present itself as an idea, just as a faraway notion, a fantasy. 
A fall is the same. Not a valid idea but it is a motion that comes up in the back of my mind. Not as something to do but as something that would be pleasant thing in a way, although definitely not worth it. 

So why would He bring up the notion so often? How about once a year, like the bank idea? 
When will He finally realise and accept that I don't do this? 


Anyway, I don't really have the emotional energy to write much these days, what with very stressful things going on in my life, but I want to thank everyone who is contributing to the forums, I am getting a lot of chizzuk, there are some really important and inspirational posts being written 
The start of 'STARting' is 'star'. Just start and you're a star!!
... and btw I really really love you! you keep me inspired!

'the cleaner I stay, the cleaner I stay' - AlexEliezer
העבר עיני מראות שוא, בדרכך חינו (תהלים קיט, לז)
PM me for my phone number

Re: There must be a way 01 Dec 2020 17:42 #358018

  • OivedElokim
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 363
  • Karma: 10
I presume that you think of falling more often then robbing a bank because you’ve never robbed a bank before. It’s a good perspective to have, but realistically falling has been an option for you in the past. Eventually, as time goes on, it will be less of an option. 
For the background to my name- see Tanya פרק טו.
״שההפרש בין עובד אלוקים לצדיק הוא שעובד הוא לשון הווה, שהוא באמצע העבודה״
-Oived Elokim means a constant work in progress...
Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can.
- Arthur Ashe
“Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future”.

My old thread

My current thread 

Re: There must be a way 04 Dec 2020 14:27 #358211

  • Captain
  • OFFLINE
  • Gold Boarder
  • Posts: 291
  • Karma: 16
Hey Starting, I see you made it to 90 days! Congratulations!
In the place where ba’alei teshuva stand, even pure tzaddikim who never sinned cannot stand. (Rabbi Avohu, Brachos 34b)

Great free resources:
My favorite book for breaking free: The Battle of the Generation 
https://guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/the-battle-of-the-generation. Change your attitude and change your life!

Rabbi Shafier's incredible lectures on breaking free: The Fight. Download here: 
https://theshmuz.com/series/the-fight/

Re: There must be a way 04 Dec 2020 14:49 #358213

  • Grant400
  • Current streak: 12 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 1040
  • Karma: 105
Mazal tov!!! Remember, no magic is gonna happen, unless we make it happen! KOT ODAAT!

Re: There must be a way 05 Dec 2020 16:53 #358224

  • wilnevergiveup
  • Current streak: 180 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 795
  • Karma: 58
Huge Mazal Tov!

Can we get a word from the birthday boy?
Check out My thread  and The Truth

Daily Dose of Clarity

(עשה רצונו כרצונך (אבות,ב:ד

Feel free to email me  wilnevergiveupgye@gmail.com

Re: There must be a way 05 Dec 2020 20:20 #358225

  • starting
  • Current streak: 5 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 429
Wow, I'm touched that you noticed and overwhelmed by the support! 

I will Iy"h take some time to reflect this week and post some things that come to mind. 

Iy"h by all of you, to 90 and up... 

Really had no hope without all of you so I thank you from the bottom of my heart 
The start of 'STARting' is 'star'. Just start and you're a star!!
... and btw I really really love you! you keep me inspired!

'the cleaner I stay, the cleaner I stay' - AlexEliezer
העבר עיני מראות שוא, בדרכך חינו (תהלים קיט, לז)
PM me for my phone number

Re: There must be a way 05 Dec 2020 21:28 #358229

  • excellence
  • Current streak: 31 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Expert Boarder
  • Posts: 136
  • Karma: 7
Wow! Mazel tov. It's such a good feeling to be truly happy for someone else's freedom, all the more so for someone who I don't even know. I think it may be because i relate to your struggles. Iv'e also been battling for over 10 years or so, as you wrote in your first post!
Wishing you continued Hatzlocho, ur no longer Starting, ur continuing.
"The pain after giving in is so much greater than the pain of not giving in"
You may find some Chizuk here: guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/361746-Striving-for-Excellence

A must read: 

www.guardureyes.com/GUE/PDFs/eBooks/The%20First%20Day%20of%20the%20Rest%20of%20My%20Life.pdf

Re: There must be a way 06 Dec 2020 11:27 #358259

  • starting
  • Current streak: 5 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 429
A brief summary of my current situation 

I joined gye about 9 months ago. 
I hit 90 on Thursday.
There is no magic. No automatic transformation. But there is definitely a feeling of being ready to battle this forever.
Most of all, the support I get from you guys, the feeling of 'some people seem genuinely happy for me. That I am becoming a better person' that gives me such a boost. And you guys especially gave that feeling more than ever this week. Thank you.

It was a long journey. Many trials and triumphs. But at some point it hit me that it's over. I'm a different guy. I am a fighter. 
Baruch Hashem, I think (hope?) that the yetzer hora is starting to see this because he's taking a step back. Like, He mostly tries to convince me to do 'smaller' things like to touch myself. BTW I only stopped touching myself at around day 40. But the Yetzer Hora and I both know that, chances are, the day I touch myself will be the beginning of the end. I will either fall that day or in the following days. 
That, I believe, is huge. 
Yes, I know that I would really enjoy masturbation. But I would probably also enjoy bacon. So it's still a struggle. A hard one sometimes. But it's more in the mind. Like, I remind myself that it's out of the question. Let the urge float away/distract myself, don't dwell on it, certainly don't fantasise and move on. So long as I don't touch, the nisayon stays quite removed from my reality. So that is my main struggle. 
But actually falling is not for me. Tough. Not doing it. 
And I think that hitting 90 was just another way to tell him 'one step more removed. Don't ask me again'. 
The start of 'STARting' is 'star'. Just start and you're a star!!
... and btw I really really love you! you keep me inspired!

'the cleaner I stay, the cleaner I stay' - AlexEliezer
העבר עיני מראות שוא, בדרכך חינו (תהלים קיט, לז)
PM me for my phone number

Re: There must be a way 06 Dec 2020 11:35 #358260

  • starting
  • Current streak: 5 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 429
A special thank you to Hashem Help Me. 
I have no words. 

Will try call you today Iy"h 
The start of 'STARting' is 'star'. Just start and you're a star!!
... and btw I really really love you! you keep me inspired!

'the cleaner I stay, the cleaner I stay' - AlexEliezer
העבר עיני מראות שוא, בדרכך חינו (תהלים קיט, לז)
PM me for my phone number

Re: There must be a way 06 Dec 2020 12:03 #358261

  • jack123
  • Current streak: 23 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Senior Boarder
  • Posts: 64
  • Karma: 1
I just read your thread from the beginning. amazing journey. youre an unbelievable inspiration.
your story really resonates with me, 5+ times aweek etc, im at that stage where i manage a couple of weeks and than lose it.
could you maybe post for us something about your last streak that made it different to the other failed ones,
it would be a big chizzuk for me and im sure many of us
with respect
jack

העבר עיני מראות שוא, בדרכיך חיני [תהלים קי"ט]

Re: There must be a way 06 Dec 2020 13:15 #358264

  • Rebuild613
  • OFFLINE
  • Expert Boarder
  • Posts: 131
  • Karma: 52
Deleted
Last Edit: 01 Apr 2021 13:02 by Rebuild613. Reason: I'm gone

Re: There must be a way 07 Dec 2020 06:45 #358337

  • starting
  • Current streak: 5 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 429
jack123 wrote on 06 Dec 2020 12:03:
I just read your thread from the beginning. amazing journey. youre an unbelievable inspiration.
your story really resonates with me, 5+ times aweek etc, im at that stage where i manage a couple of weeks and than lose it.
could you maybe post for us something about your last streak that made it different to the other failed ones,
it would be a big chizzuk for me and im sure many of us
with respect
jack

:pinch: Warning: Spoiler!
Truth is, I posted as I went through significant stages and will Iy"h compile a list of things that work for me. 
But it's all just a means to an end, namely the rewiring of my brain that I don't feel like it makes sense to do this stuff. That as much as possible i should feel like someone who has never done this and that it's unacceptable to me. 
The start of 'STARting' is 'star'. Just start and you're a star!!
... and btw I really really love you! you keep me inspired!

'the cleaner I stay, the cleaner I stay' - AlexEliezer
העבר עיני מראות שוא, בדרכך חינו (תהלים קיט, לז)
PM me for my phone number

Re: There must be a way 12 Dec 2020 20:32 #358564

  • starting
  • Current streak: 5 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 429
Day 99

Awful shabbos. (sounds wrong, I know). 
Had to be away for shabbos. Hopefully resentment will stop tonight at home iy"h. 

New day tomorrow. Day 100... 
The start of 'STARting' is 'star'. Just start and you're a star!!
... and btw I really really love you! you keep me inspired!

'the cleaner I stay, the cleaner I stay' - AlexEliezer
העבר עיני מראות שוא, בדרכך חינו (תהלים קיט, לז)
PM me for my phone number
Time to create page: 0.61 seconds

Are you sure?

Yes