Hello everyone, 238 days since the last time and It's gettin difficult nowadays...
I don't wanna fall but..

Don’t do it! Think of how you’ll feel a second after. It’s not worth it... You made it so far!

Nomore1 wrote on 13 Oct 2020 19:34:

But what? What's going on?

You may also want to start your own thread.

Searchin345 wrote on 13 Oct 2020 01:20:

Firstly, congrats on almost 90 days!

On the topic of dreams, here's my take: it depends what you mean. There is something where you actually realize you are dreaming - you are consciously aware of what is going on, and you are thinking rationally. If you get a dream like that, I reckon it's a good indication where you are holding, if you resist under such circumstances. But if its a normal dream, its using the subconscious mind to generate the dream, which is irrational, so it can't be used as a measuring stick of where you are. 

Either way, staying clean awake is the main thing. If we manage to do that, the nights will come automatically.

Nomore1 wrote on 13 Oct 2020 19:34:

Start your own thread and put down to words what your struggles are now.  Dont give in before communicating with the guys here on GYE. 

Day 87. 
Three days until we hit 90 Baruch HaShem. It’s amazing to really be able to see this happening.
I am starting to think about how to continue in the future. Officially my longest streak in the past was around 14 months, which was around from the time I was engaged until towards the end of shana rishona. I feel like that first fall after marriage wasn’t really planned, and it kind of came out of nowhere (like random browsing late at night, etc). After that fall, I was never able to fully get back up. So I guess I’m trying to get back to that point where I was during that 14 month streak. During that time in my life I wasn’t really thinking about porn so much, and life felt much better. I didn’t really go through a withdrawal phase then. It just felt like the wrong thing to do, and I didn’t care for it as much. At this point of withdrawal, the urges are still constantly active in my mind, and it is still frustrating that it is taking up so much headspace. 

Thanks everyone for the comments and chizuk, even though I might sometimes disagree, it’s great to have an exchange of ideas, and be able to see what works best for each person. 
(I also started listening to the fight, which is surprisingly pretty good). 

Searchin345 wrote on 15 Oct 2020 17:49:

Why surprisingly? It's amazing!

Hatzlocha on your breaking free. Ignore the withdrawal or actually accept it. It is to be expected and it eventually recedes. If it gets real tough, either go for a jog, or call a GYE chaver to help you bust it. 

So it’s been a while since I last posted. Baruch HaShem I was able to make 90 days, and even more. Eventually I started getting more careless. I think everyone knows how this works. First only looking at “parve” things, maybe I’ll happen to pass something nice along the way. Then gradually it gets not so “parve”, then eventually it’s actively looking for more negative things. Not sure exactly when the day of the first official “fall” was since it was gradual. Which is why I didn’t mark it immediately. The truth is that I never went all out and just binge watched bad things like I used to, so I’m not sure if it is even an “official fall”. But the road is definitely one which isn’t positive, so I’m marking it as a fall since it is time for a new beginning.
It’s hard to see the number restart to zero since I got so far, and I’m not even sure I really fell (I probably did). Starting back at zero might cause me to want to fall further before restarting. But the reason I am restarting is specifically because I’m growing. As of now, the goal is that this streak is going to be one which is better in quality. Before the first streak I wasn’t able to focus on quality, rather only on the quantity, how long could I go. I have to try to take it to the next level. I don’t know if it’s possible because this one is really going against my nature. 
The rule for the new streak is as follows: Anytime you search the internet hoping to see something “nice” along the way, it qualifies as a fall. 
Whoa. Reading that back to myself is very scary. This makes the first streak feel easy. I might not even make it a few days. I have no clue how I will react to this. It could be that in a week I will come back saying it’s too much. It could be that this will cause me to fall further than I ever have. But I have to try. How else can I grow? This is part of the journey. Here goes nothing...

Searchin345 wrote on 29 Dec 2020 17:30:

How about counting 'slips' but not resetting?  Find a different consequence for a slip that will deter you but will allow you to keep your streak. But you must define slip vs. fall or you will continue to fool yourself.

Good luck!

Another idea is to make other goals besides the 90 day chart so that you don't feel like you need to chap arein when you reset it. 

My goal is never 90 days clean, to me that's just a random number (I've been there before, no magic as far as I was able to tell). The goal is to be clean, period. the less you do it, the cleaner you will be. It's mostly irrelevant if you did it seven times over seven days or seven times in one day. It only makes a difference regarding the chart, regarding staying clean overall you are seven steps behind. So my advice is to think about the ultimate goal of staying clean and realizing that the more you fall, even if it doesn't affect your daily count it does affect your being clean as well as makes staying clean it the long run that much more difficult.

Hope this helps.

I think your correct. The numbers game is like a double edged sword. When you have a high number it helps in motivating you not to break it, but when the numbers are low, you feel like it is just worth breaking sometimes. 
Baruch HaShem I made 10 days with this new improved streak so far. It’s really hard, but not as hard as I thought. I had one night when I really thought I was going to break, but I fell asleep before I could do anything. Another time I saw a really triggering picture, but somehow held back on pursuing “that path”. 
I have been thinking about this whole thing a little more, and I do realize that the goal is not to ever really be “cured”, but rather get to the point where it isn’t the main focus of my life... I hope I can get there one day.