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Hayom Yom

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Scientific studies show that it takes 90 days to break an addictive pattern in the mind. Start your own Log of your journey to 90 days! Post here to update us on your status and to give each other chizuk to stay strong!

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TOPIC: Hayom Yom 19621 Views

Re: Hayom Yom 10 Jun 2021 17:25 #369728

yosef10 Current streak: 2 days OFFLINE Gold Boarder Posts: 210 Karma: 12	Its great to hear that your doing well. KEEP ON PUSHING
	"Sometimes the only Bechira we have is to ask for help" Maybe you can gain something by following my journey... Or not, whatever works MY Forum

Re: Hayom Yom 10 Jun 2021 17:39 #369729

yosef10 Current streak: 2 days OFFLINE Gold Boarder Posts: 210 Karma: 12	HEYYYY!!! How you been, long time no post (for me especially)
	"Sometimes the only Bechira we have is to ask for help" Maybe you can gain something by following my journey... Or not, whatever works MY Forum

Re: Hayom Yom 10 Jun 2021 17:49 #369730

yosef10
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Great to see you fighting.
Keep going and the rewiring will occur.
About the whole marriage helps or not, my 2 cents:
Having been married before, not being married now and looking forward to getting married Ym"H soon, I don't think men really crave sex. (what? lol)
Looking at myself, I'm a very needy guy, i.e. I need my future wife to give me a lot of attention in any form. Sex is the ultimate "attention giving", "token of acceptance", you name it. But if she doesn't give me that all the time but at least give me her love, smile, talk to me, ask me how my day went, I think I can withstand the 14 day period (sometimes 60 if she gives birth), as I think anyone here can. I know in my past marriage, I think the main issue was not getting enough attention, despite the other part not being great either. I'm not sure this should be in the baalei batims section, but if she does "it" solely for you (and you know when such a thing happens), it is not satisfying at all. On the contrary, it's very depressing.
Dov talks a lot about that. Being single now, I'd say I don't really crave sex. I crave closeness. A female heart. A partner. You name it. Unfortunately, I look for the wrong means to solve the issue, hence my problem.
Be kitzur, IMHO, find someone who will give you plenty of support and love. Although unrelated to GYE, common values is a must too. That should be of great help.

Thats really a lot in that post. I think everyone can give some credence to the fact that we all like attention. I nice to hear a real perspective from someone who has actually been there, and can talk to us about it.
But I think (which doesn't usually lead to good things), that there is some aspect of guys craving lust, and the highest form of it is using another for your own personal needs. Not arguing at all, just another perspective of someone who went to a couple of SA meetings.

"Sometimes the only Bechira we have is to ask for help"

Maybe you can gain something by following my journey... Or not, whatever works

MY Forum

Last Edit: 10 Jun 2021 17:51 by yosef10.

Re: Hayom Yom 18 Aug 2021 05:08 #371714

yeshivaguy Current streak: 6 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 1493 Karma: 148	How u doing buddy?

Re: Hayom Yom 01 Sep 2021 18:59 #372100

yeshivaguy Current streak: 6 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 1493 Karma: 148	C’mon man, you can’t leave us hanging. Hows it going? Speak to us, we miss you!! YeshivaGuy
	Last Edit: 01 Sep 2021 18:59 by yeshivaguy.

Re: Hayom Yom 11 Oct 2021 00:41 #373138

bhyy Current streak: 787 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 338 Karma: 24	Shalom, shalom larachok ul'karov. How has everyone been? B"H I have been doing well, not perfect (who is?) thanks to some special people, SMART meetings, and just believing in myself.
	נאָך אַ שריפה ווערט מען רייַך - After a fire one becomes wealthy. My email: bhyy@protonmail.com My thread: guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/349632-Hayom-Yom

Re: Hayom Yom 12 Oct 2021 23:19 #373222

bhyy
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Just wanted to pop in and say hi again.

I don’t really know what to say. I’ve been journaling more, really writing out my thoughts completely unadulterated. (The more sharp-eyed of you might have caught me contemplating sharing some of it but I decided it was more personal.)
A cool tool that I learned which acts as a confidence booster when I’m contemplating falling or acting out is to write out the pros and cons of acting out. (The fancy name is CBA-cost benefit analysis). Take a piece of paper and divide it into 4 boxes. Top left is the benefit of acting out, top right is cost of acting out. Bottom left is benefit of abstaining and bottom right is cost of abstaining. Write 4-5 things per box. I’m not trying to lecture from my soapbox but when I sit and fill out a CBA I get a nice boost of confidence.
This tool actually came from GYE’s new Flight 2 Freedom platform.

נאָך אַ שריפה ווערט מען רייַך - After a fire one becomes wealthy.

My email: bhyy@protonmail.com

My thread: guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/349632-Hayom-Yom

Re: Hayom Yom 13 Oct 2021 03:07 #373231

oivedelokim
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Hey buddy. Keep up the good work and please stick around and post more often. It gives me a lot of chizuk…

I am a bochur with a passion for meaning and truth, searching to remain clean and live a holy and fulfilling life.

If you are reading this-you have a friend in me.
Feel free to PM me and I'll share my offline contact information, so we can call and text. I'd be honored if you'd trust me with your story and promise to support you in any way I possibly can.
I've been on GYE for over 7 years. "I may walk slow, but I never walk back" (-Abraham Lincoln?).
(For the background and meaning of my username- see Tanya chapter 15).

My current thread

Re: Hayom Yom 13 Oct 2021 19:59 #373267

bhyy
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Just a thought I had driving home from Shacharis this morning...
Our eyes are drawn to movement. That's the way Hashem created us. The reason your car's turn signal blinks is so other drivers' attention should be drawn to it. When we are driving or walking and our eyes catch movement and we find ourselves looking at a lady that's not our fault, Hashem created our bodies to do that. The question is do we let our eyes linger or do we look away? Do we move on or take a second glance?
When I was driving home from Shacharis this morning I was stopped at a red light and I found myself looking at a lady walking down the street. I quickly looked away and before I could beat myself up for looking at her, I reminded myself that it was out of my control. Hashem made that happen.
What happens after is my control.

Re: Hayom Yom 14 Oct 2021 13:52 #373291

bhyy
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Yesterday was tough. I had so many urges to act out. I was sitting for most of the day in front of my computer and just wanted to masturbate to let off some steam and relax. My built in stress reliever.
By taking it slow, deep breaths, and telling myself I could do it, just push it off a little longer, I B”H made it through clean. What a confidence booster. It’s not about “well this urge is pretty strong and it’s only 10am, no way I’m going to make it through today, may as well give in now.” I pushed myself every time an urge arose yesterday and walked away with a complete clean day. No matter what happens after, no one can take that away from me.

Re: Hayom Yom 15 Oct 2021 20:34 #373332

bhyy
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Let's start with the good:
Yesterday, Thursday, I came home to a house full of unfiltered internet. With the help of the Ribono Shel Olam and careful planning, I stayed clean. A major accomplishment!
Today however, I fell. Progress! I planned for Thursday and was successful.
מי שטרח בערב שבת יאכל בשבת מי שלא טרח בערב שבת מהיכן יאכל בשבת
I need to plan better for my Fridays!
All in all, I am happy where I am. I definitely need work but I'm moving in the right direction.
Have a wonderful Shabbos!!

Re: Hayom Yom 19 Oct 2021 14:10 #373425

bhyy
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A couple of weeks ago I was in the middle of a fall when I saw the following post on a pornographic site:

I really don’t like jerking off, I just wish things would go back to the way they were.

Even though my nefesh hasichli was back-burnered and my nefesh habahami was in the driver’s seat, I had the presence of mind to agree with the poster. I’m not here to debate whether or not I enjoy masturbating, that’s irrelevant. But the poster was obviously using it as an escape, a coping mechanism. The same is true for me. Whether it be loneliness, the pain of the parsha of shidduchim, or being in an awkward situation; I use porn and masturbation as an escape.
When I escape I want to be lifted out of the present moment. To fight it, I ground myself. Mindfulness, CBA, or picking up the phone and sharing my feelings are all ways of grounding myself, bringing me to the present and processing my feelings instead of running away. I can’t run away forever, at some point I’ll have to face life.
I can’t say I stopped my fall right away and became a tzaddik gomur. But to that poster, I thank you for reminding me to keep myself grounded. Escape is not the answer.

Re: Hayom Yom 02 Dec 2021 05:15 #374701

bhyy Current streak: 787 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 338 Karma: 24	A freilichen, lichtige Chanukah to all of my dear brothers here!
	נאָך אַ שריפה ווערט מען רייַך - After a fire one becomes wealthy. My email: bhyy@protonmail.com My thread: guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/349632-Hayom-Yom

Re: Hayom Yom 23 Jan 2022 19:09 #376366

bhyy Current streak: 787 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 338 Karma: 24	Mazel tov! For the first time since starting this journey I have made it to 90 days!!!! All I can say is “yeshuas Hashem k’heref ayin”. The Ribono Shel Olam has been so kind to me. If I can be michazeik the Olam let me just say, do your part and He will take care of the rest! Just keep positive.
	נאָך אַ שריפה ווערט מען רייַך - After a fire one becomes wealthy. My email: bhyy@protonmail.com My thread: guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/349632-Hayom-Yom

Re: Hayom Yom 23 Jan 2022 19:35 #376368

sapy OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 533 Karma: 53	Mazel tov dear brother!! It touched my heart reading this great news... (sundays were usually the posts about the struggle with the boring course....) I'm so so happy for you! May you be able to grow and thrive! P.s. I'm lucky to share my 90 days achievement day with you, also for the first time...