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TOPIC: Hayom Yom 4195 Views

Re: Hayom Yom 15 Oct 2020 04:22 #356222

  • OivedElokim
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Your stress is coming from the date or the falls, or the influence of one on the other?
For the background to my name- see Tanya פרק טו.
״שההפרש בין עובד אלוקים לצדיק הוא שעובד הוא לשון הווה, שהוא באמצע העבודה״
פרק כז׳
״ואם העצבות...מהרהוריםרעים ותאוות רעות שנופלות במחשבתו...אדרבה יש לו לשמוח בחלקו שאף שנופלות במחשבתו הוא מסיח דעתו מהן לקיים מש״נ ולא תתורו אחרי לבבכם ואחרי עיניכם אשר אתם זונים אחריהם...שנופלים לו הרהורי ניאוף במחשבתו...וכשמסיח דעתו מקיים לאו זה ואמרז״ל ישב ולא עבר עבירה נותנים לו שכר כאילו עשה מצוה וע״כ צריך לשמוח בקיום הלאו כמו בקיום מ״ע ממש״
“Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future”.

My old thread

My current thread 

Re: Hayom Yom 15 Oct 2020 04:47 #356229

  • BHYY
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OivedElokim wrote on 15 Oct 2020 04:22:
Your stress is coming from the date or the falls, or the influence of one on the other?

Previous falls. Dating gets me thinking because I desperately want to have it under control when I go into marriage. 

Re: Hayom Yom 15 Oct 2020 04:52 #356231

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Do you feel like you have it under control? Have you been clean for a reasonable amount of time? Do you have a plan for the future?
For the background to my name- see Tanya פרק טו.
״שההפרש בין עובד אלוקים לצדיק הוא שעובד הוא לשון הווה, שהוא באמצע העבודה״
פרק כז׳
״ואם העצבות...מהרהוריםרעים ותאוות רעות שנופלות במחשבתו...אדרבה יש לו לשמוח בחלקו שאף שנופלות במחשבתו הוא מסיח דעתו מהן לקיים מש״נ ולא תתורו אחרי לבבכם ואחרי עיניכם אשר אתם זונים אחריהם...שנופלים לו הרהורי ניאוף במחשבתו...וכשמסיח דעתו מקיים לאו זה ואמרז״ל ישב ולא עבר עבירה נותנים לו שכר כאילו עשה מצוה וע״כ צריך לשמוח בקיום הלאו כמו בקיום מ״ע ממש״
“Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future”.

My old thread

My current thread 

Re: Hayom Yom 15 Oct 2020 05:25 #356244

  • wilnevergiveup
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BHYY wrote on 15 Oct 2020 04:47:

OivedElokim wrote on 15 Oct 2020 04:22:
Your stress is coming from the date or the falls, or the influence of one on the other?

Previous falls. Dating gets me thinking because I desperately want to have it under control when I go into marriage. 

Hey, I think you need to look into "one day at a time". The big picture seems scary and that's stressful. That's why you don't need to think about it.

Now let's just clarify, you do need to think about the future to give yourself a reason to work hard today BUT you don't need to be clean your entire life in order to be clean today. Make today your goal, I'm not sure about next week, but I do know for sure that it wont help to make last week a goal...

Dating is stressful, I know, I did it too, but stressing about keeping clean is really just not the mehalech

Hatzlachah
Check out My thread

Daily Dose of Clarity

(עשה רצונו כרצונך (אבות,ב:ד

Feel free to email me  wilnevergiveupgye@gmail.com
Last Edit: 15 Oct 2020 07:47 by wilnevergiveup.

Re: Hayom Yom 15 Oct 2020 17:12 #356277

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wilnevergiveup wrote on 15 Oct 2020 05:25:

BHYY wrote on 15 Oct 2020 04:47:

OivedElokim wrote on 15 Oct 2020 04:22:
Your stress is coming from the date or the falls, or the influence of one on the other?

Previous falls. Dating gets me thinking because I desperately want to have it under control when I go into marriage. 

Hey, I think you need to look into "one day at a time". The big picture seems scary and that's stressful. That's why you don't need to think about it.

Now let's just clarify, you do need to think about the future to give yourself a reason to work hard today BUT you don't need to be clean your entire life in order to be clean today. Make today your goal, I'm not sure about next week, but I do know for sure that it wont help to make last week a goal...

Dating is stressful, I know, I did it too, but stressing about keeping clean is really just not the mehalech

Hatzlachah

Thanks. I needed that 

Re: Hayom Yom 17 Dec 2020 12:21 #358915

  • YeshivaGuy
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Soooo?? How u been?
Ur keepin us hangin man

Re: Hayom Yom 03 Jan 2021 07:19 #360413

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^^??

Re: Hayom Yom 03 Jan 2021 07:23 #360414

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BHYY wrote on 15 May 2020 20:35:
I just spent close to half an hour on the phone with a client. He is what we call a tire kicker - long conversations, analyzes from every angle, has me document everything, but never actually translates to a paying customer. He always drags it out and it never goes anywhere. In the past I would have gotten really frustrated after hanging up and indulged myself in masturbating. Not today. I hung up and said "well, nobody said owning a business is easy!" Mind you that has never happened to me before! Especially now when is business is so slow I'm dying for some paying customers. This menucha is indescribable, I'm actually beginning to scare myself .

Wow. Very very impressive.
Thanks for sharing!

Re: Hayom Yom 04 Jan 2021 00:12 #360457

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YeshivaGuy wrote on 17 Dec 2020 12:21:
Soooo?? How u been?
Ur keepin us hangin man

The shidduch? No shaychus, moved on. B”H other options, one step closer. When Hashem wants me to meet my bashert I will and not a minute late. I keep doing my hishtadlus (although I am getting a little sick of Coke...may need to change it up

Re: Hayom Yom 04 Jan 2021 00:15 #360458

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That’s not to say I’m not anxious as anything to find her and start my married life...believe me I am. Been dating for a while, have had my share of one and dones, 2 dates and over, and gotten my heart broken a few times. It’s not fun at all. But as HHM told me, better now than later. 

Re: Hayom Yom 04 Jan 2021 14:58 #360513

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There’s a story that’s been going around about a successful businessman that had to commute to NYC every day. He wasn’t happy with the billboards and pritzus he was seeing so he made himself a deal. Every time he looked away he would put aside a dollar. His method worked well and B”H he was able to  drastically reduce what he saw on his commute. Eventually he had amassed enough dollars that he bought a beautiful silver menora. Can you imagine what he feels when he lights this menora on Chanukah or even just sees it in his break front? It reminds him of all the zechusim that got him this beautiful menora.
I heard the story and thought, why can’t I do this too? I’m not a wealthy businessman but I could afford to put a few dollars aside. I started and I have to say, this is an amazing method. After just a short while I realized that I was subconsciously training a reflex to look away from such things because “that’s another dollar”. It’s a game-like way of keeping yourself safe. One of the best feelings I ever had with this method was after a fall. Yes, a fall. After a fall you don’t feel too great. I went to my envelope and looked inside and saw the wad of dollar bills. Every single bill represents a time I was kovesh my yetzer hora. That wad of bills told me, you’re a good guy, you just had a hiccup today but get right back in the saddle. Streaks are great but, at least for me, they get discouraging when you break one. With this method you could forget about it for a week, month, or year but those dollars will be waiting for you to pick it right back up. 
Right now I keep a stack of bills in one drawer and an envelope in another place. Every time I look away from something or every half hour that I refrain from masturbating when I have an urge I put a dollar in the envelope. When I reach $100 in the envelope I put them back in the stack and make a $100 deposit to a special savings account I opened just for this. What I am going to use the money for? Not sure yet. Maybe an engagement ring bez”H, now wouldn’t that be something?

Re: Hayom Yom 08 Jan 2021 07:33 #360864

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Unfortunately I had a fall tonight. I came home from Yeshiva for Shabbos and my mother’s computer is unlocked and unfiltered. I can’t get her to filter it or change the password because whenever someone needs to use it she just calls out the password. That is about the gist of my access. My father’s has a password. Sometimes my mother leaves her phone around or tablet. Mainly it’s her computer. I try to stay good and stay far away but lately I’ve been slipping up more and more often and falling because of that access. I hate that my home is a place that gives me stress now, I need to think about it when I’m in Yeshiva and “plan” for when I go home. It’s not a comfortable place that I can just pop into because when I do, I fall. 
Any ideas how I can stay safe?
Last Edit: 08 Jan 2021 07:33 by BHYY.

Re: Hayom Yom 08 Jan 2021 07:55 #360866

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BHYY wrote on 08 Jan 2021 07:33:
Unfortunately I had a fall tonight. I came home from Yeshiva for Shabbos and my mother’s computer is unlocked and unfiltered. I can’t get her to filter it or change the password because whenever someone needs to use it she just calls out the password. That is about the gist of my access. My father’s has a password. Sometimes my mother leaves her phone around or tablet. Mainly it’s her computer. I try to stay good and stay far away but lately I’ve been slipping up more and more often and falling because of that access. I hate that my home is a place that gives me stress now, I need to think about it when I’m in Yeshiva and “plan” for when I go home. It’s not a comfortable place that I can just pop into because when I do, I fall. 
Any ideas how I can stay safe?

i really feel bad for you , i had a similar situation ,although not as difficult as you, it was only t.v., newspapers with indecent pix and sisters fashion magazines ,but keep it up and dont let a fall get you down you will rise again , be'ezras Hashem ,and be grateful that youre away in Yeshiva without this constant test, you should know that i bechasdei Hashem stayed clean for a year before my chasuna and had a 10 year streak.so chazak chazak!
For an explanation on my choice of username and avatar see my first post 

Re: Hayom Yom 08 Jan 2021 07:59 #360867

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sleepy wrote on 08 Jan 2021 07:55:

BHYY wrote on 08 Jan 2021 07:33:
Unfortunately I had a fall tonight. I came home from Yeshiva for Shabbos and my mother’s computer is unlocked and unfiltered. I can’t get her to filter it or change the password because whenever someone needs to use it she just calls out the password. That is about the gist of my access. My father’s has a password. Sometimes my mother leaves her phone around or tablet. Mainly it’s her computer. I try to stay good and stay far away but lately I’ve been slipping up more and more often and falling because of that access. I hate that my home is a place that gives me stress now, I need to think about it when I’m in Yeshiva and “plan” for when I go home. It’s not a comfortable place that I can just pop into because when I do, I fall. 
Any ideas how I can stay safe?

i really feel bad for you , i had a similar situation ,although not as difficult as you, it was only t.v., newspapers with indecent pix and sisters fashion magazines ,but keep it up and dont let a fall get you down you will rise again , be'ezras Hashem ,and be grateful that youre away in Yeshiva without this constant test, you should know that i bechasdei Hashem stayed clean for a year before my chasuna and had a 10 year streak.so chazak chazak!

p.s. even though it was only t.v. etc, but in my situation i was in a feeling of yiush and alone and  ill never be clean , but BH , Hashem helped, you may be plagued by internet , but you do have the gye chevra , hope you gain from it !
For an explanation on my choice of username and avatar see my first post 

Re: Hayom Yom 08 Jan 2021 11:39 #360873

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sleepy wrote on 08 Jan 2021 07:59:

sleepy wrote on 08 Jan 2021 07:55:
"sleepy" post=360866 date=1610092515 catid=4

 in my situation i was in a feeling of yiush and alone and  ill never be clean

This is the incredible gadlus that GYE has done for all of us!

When I suffered severely as a bochur, emotionally and mentally, the yi'ush was beyond description - basically nervous breakdown material. I was the world's biggest rasha. Alone! There was no one to talk to about this stuff. Absolutely no one. Gehenom. And of course I thought i'll never be clean, because how should I know otherwise if there was no one to share with? So, BHYY, yes it is tough. Having all those open devices is a nisayon most fall with rach"l, but at least as R' Sleepy shared, you have the chevra, you see that yes, although so many guys fall into this mess to some degree or another, guys do get out! And you have people to turn to, to share the heartache frustration and pain, and receive chizuk from. You will iyh be clean. Meanwhile, your resilience and efforts definitely give Hashem great nachas. Iyh you will have a very fortunate wife - she will be zoche to a husband who has his head screwed on straight.
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

                    My Story and G-d Bless GYE: guardyoureyes.com/forum/17-Balei-Battims-Forum/303036-My-story-and-G-d-bless-GYE
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