This was my response:


Excellent idea to keep two logs. Pornography is much more damaging long term to life and healthy marriage. (I am not discussing the aveira component - masturbation is a serious aveira, I am just responding to your two log approach)  For people that are not true sex addicts, it can be very beneficial to deal with pornography and masturbation separately. Refraining from watching pornography gives one time to rewire the brain about sexuality. To learn that it is a koach Hashem put into this world to use to unite and to give. It is not a selfish force for pleasure seeking. Your spouse is not going to be a kosher masturbating tool, a toy, or object of pleasure. Watching pornography even infrequently, sears images onto the brain that reinforce this horrible corruption of sexuality. There is a lot written about this on other threads....



Some guys have not learned how to self soothe, or in general deal with stress, boredom, frustration, loneliness, etc. and masturbate to escape those feelings. This is a different issue than the pornography issue.



Iyh as you stay clean from pornography, and successfully navigate the withdrawal (don't get fazed by it or by wet dreams...), also learn other techniques to relieve stress etc. Exercise, fresh air, good reading material, good friends to share disappointments with, and reaching out to successful GYE chevra can all iyh help you drop the masturbating habit. Hatzlocha on all fronts buddy!

well everyone I had a fall today with inappropriate content please understand chevra I so want to not have this and sometimes I cant understand when it gets the better of me!.as i said once before my new day starts midnight or even better yet right now

You're doing great just keep fighting! We're all in this together and we'll get through it together.
Have you listened to Rabbi Shafier's The Fight? (https://guardyoureyes.com/tools/kosher-isle/shiurim/category/rabbi-shafier) Don't ask how you got here or why it got the better of you - Hashem put you in this situation. You just keep fighting and making Hashem proud.

optomisim wrote on 18 May 2020 00:58:

No one can understand better and relate to you more than your fellow GYE brothers. We all know the feeling of being trapped, and wanting that escape button that will solve everything. 
Everyone has there own path, and that includes falls and acting out, and working smarter the next time. For now keep some form of a streak going, even if it's for a week. Every battle you win is one that gets you closer to long lasting freedom. And know THAT THIS FREEDOM EXISTS FOR EVERYONE, especially you, someone who is working through the punches and who wants help to get out. We're all here with you, and even though we can't exactly be in your shoes, we understand. 

Keep  posting and keep up the good work, no GREAT WORK. Know that is the part of your journey and BEZH will lead you eventually only to success.... Just keep on working. We are all here for you. 

Chevra I made day 1. Clean. Thank you yosef 10 and bhyy and hashem help me for the chizzuk , you all write very well.
I  feel a bit nerdy writing " I made day 1" but i guess  feeling nerdy is better than feeling guilty. Or Better a nerd doing right than a dude sinning.
Agree?

Mazel tov! You're doing fantastic.
And by the way, all the real cool guys write "I made day 1" 

optomisim wrote on 19 May 2020 04:32:

First of all, couldn't agree more.... And 2nd of all you need to look around the forum a bit more. This whole struggle is about taking it one day at time, day 1is just just as valuable of s success as day 90, even if it may not feel that way, you have to treat it as such. It's these small successes that build up the long lasting recovery that we all desire... But I can't control yesterday, and I can't control tomorrow (of course I can set myself up for success in the future, but I can't make decisions for that exact moment) ALL I CAN CONTROL IS TODAY AND NOW. The more you look around GYE, the more you will this running idea that everyone is latching on too. For me, I try to feel like every day is day one. Yea, biemes I'm really on day 13, but something that I found is that I only made those big changes to my approach to this after a big fall. Then I thought... Why wait? Every day is a new challenge and a new opportunity. .

i may sound like I'm speaking nonsense (and maybe I am:)) but think long and hard about these alternative ways of treating this struggle, and life in general for that that matter. The more you work at it and understand it the more you can use it as a tool for the long lasting success you are destined for. 

If you have any questions let me know... Keep those updates coming.
We're all in this together. 

Hashem Help Me wrote on 17 May 2020 16:43:

Hi,
You make some VERY good and important points to think about! The fact that pornography damages you emotionally and doesn't allow you to connect with your spouse in a genuine way!
If its ok id l to add a point: i dont think its honest to fully separate the two. How many of us can watch pornography and not masterbait if not immediately then later that day or the next. 
Lets not forget that for addicts (which many people here are, including myself) it is dangerous to separate the two! 

For myself it's one in the same. We run to act out for 2 reasons
1to escape pain
2to run to pleasure

Both of these "activities" pretty much accomplish the same thing in the moment. They both dull your experience of life and give you a high for just that one moment. 
If someone already has experience with both, I say it's likely that they are both symptoms of the same problem.... And should be dealt with together. 

There are varying opinions though. 

Chevra I am on day 3. now let me tell you
i just realized that if i want to fix myself up i have to expose what i do. For some reason the hidden part of the acting out is the venom of the taivoh disease and if you dont expose it, it just grows it doesnt just stay. in a weird way its like earth. When a root of a plant is covered it grows and sticks out high in the air but when you completley  expose the root it withers. so to we if keep ourselves hidden our unhealthy taivaoh grows and grows and eventually will get so big that someone will see it.
You may say thats not true. But it is. The question is who does one admit to?????
p.s.  if exposure is to comfortable then your like a plant watching a movie of it getting uprooted while its snuggled deep in the ground. Think about it.

How does exposure actually help you in real life? Do you tell someone? How does that help?

Do you mean get help? Because I don't think exposing taivah has anything to do with learning how to control it.

We must be honest with ourselves and have a concrete plan. How do you plan on keeping this up?

optomism

Take it day by day.

Learn why you fell, see what caused it.

It will help you stay clean.

Dear Reb " will never give up" shlita
i think exposing it for me makes me understand what i did and then i could see why i did it 
however i am way behind your clean streak (and colincolins) and therefore I realize truthfully I have no clue of what Im talking about since I have no evidence [yet] to support my claim.
I just want to kick this idiot stupidity yucky habit.
I am trying to figure it out. till then I will take advice from the Holy colincolin

optomism

Take it day by day.

Learn why you fell, see what caused it.

It will help you stay clean.

Let me tell u something—  I am super cool
and I have been falling getting up and falling and getting up and that vigor and tenacity that we both have will build us into super stars. Keep it up ur so coool!!!!!

wilnevergiveup wrote on 21 May 2020 22:51:

Keeping secrets builds shame. Shame is the one of the most fertile soil for these challenges to flourish! Disclosing to someone, anyone stops the shame its path!
hatzlacha