Very nice, like it says in the big book, somewhere, nothing helped the urge to drink more than working with another alcoholic. Let's bring our dark secrets into the light.

And what does it say in the gemora sukkah? Tzadikkim will rejoice because they'll see their struggles as a massive mountain they conquered. Reshaim will groan because they see their struggles as a tiny little line, easily overcome, in reference to your rubber ball analogy.

Theses are all beautiful points. Some of the deepest relationships o have with people are that I open up to. The more you put in the more yOu get out. 
But within this inyan , I see it as more difficult to open up than other struggles someone may have.... Because once sexuality is involved there's a huge stigma around it (in society and from ourselves). Also, since this thing is by nature in private it can get difficult to "bring it to the light". 
If there's someone I would feel comfortable talking about it with, but I'm not sure how they would react. For example I'm very close with my mom, and I have spoke to her skittle bit about my struggles, but that was 2 years ago and since then it's just an award topic. 
Theres so much that happened since then that I would like to talk about, but to speak about these issues with the opposite gender may not be the outlet. 
What do you guys thInk?

Maybe speak to someone from GYE...….

Days 11, 12, and 13 are in the books!

Friday was extremely difficult. I kept reminding myself of all the GYE guys rooting for me. I also caught myself saying "hey just give in and enjoy yourself - you'll get to 90 next time" but then I realized that the next push for 90 won't be ANY easier. These really difficult days WILL happen during the next 90 day run, and if I can't push past one now, when will I?

Yosef, with regards to your question I find that once I start a conversation in these inyanim it naturally can get deeper and deeper. Just start with more generic and lighter topics and perhaps you can slowly steer the conversation to what's bothering you in specific. I actually speak to my mother alot in these areas. It depends on your relationship and how comfortable you feel. If you feel it's worth a shot, go for it!

Mazal Tov! I've reached 2 weeks clean of masturbation!

Today I found myself browsing online at innocent things and felt that it could go downhill - as we all know how one thing leads to the next. Even though it didn't go downhill I'm feeling a little bad about even putting myself in that position. I guess though I should focus on the past 2 weeks as a whole and feel great about my accomplishments. Guilt just seems to be such a powerful enemy.

Thanks everyone for the chizuk. I wouldn't have made it this far without it!

Mango010 wrote on 19 May 2020 01:01:

I have found that without castrating myself, I will always have a sexual part of me. It's a natural part of me. It need not be excised. I simply try to do the best I can to live in accordance with my values and morals each day. I also try to remember that I haven't yet achieved perfection in any of my character traits or actions, and that expecting to achieve complete mastery over (arguably) the most powerful drive in man is foolish. 

KUTGW! Great work and great posting : )

Beautiful,everything you just said is pure emes.
That was poetry, would have been better if it rhymed though. 

But just curious... Doesn't that make it feel like a huge burden?

Mango010 wrote on 19 May 2020 01:01:

Read a bit of your your old story and I had/ have similar questions. Even though I'm not in the parsha, I asked for some advice on a different forum on what admitting to a potential shidduch would really look liked.  https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/349943-She-deserves-the-Emes-but-then-what

Not sure where your still holding on that shayla.

and of course... MAZAL TOV ON THE 2 WEEKS!!!!

Mango010 wrote on 19 May 2020 01:01:

Woohoo! Look at you! Ignore the guilt, that's the YH panicking because he can't get you to fall. Keep it up!!!

wowow. 2 weeks. keep it up. god bless you!

Alright, so today went well - Day 15 is in the books! Thanks for all the encouragement!

I find that being completely sheltered from seeing even the slightest immodestly dressed (even modestly dressed) woman puts me at a huge advantage in this battle. However that would mean I would have to cut some things out of my life that are healthy but require using the internet and not going to places where there can be women (e.g. park during the day). If I go to the park or go on the internet I will see something from time to time. It is inevitable - I am human. And by seeing and looking at women, the challenge will get more difficult and will create a greater risk for a fall.

I seesaw between these two approaches. At times I say "hey I have a healthy outlet that requires internet, but I'm doing my best". At other times I tell myself "I don't need the internet so why use it and place myself in danger - it's already super difficult as a bochur why add fuel to the fire - even at the expense of the kosher outlet just stay away and find other outlets for now". Many times when I pick the first approach I feel so guilty over something I saw or if it caused me to masturbate because I didn't need the internet.

Anyone can relate or have any thoughts on this?

yosef10 wrote on 19 May 2020 02:40:

Nah. See below:
"If you would only recognize that life is hard, things would be so much easier for you."

-Louis Brandeis

Mango010 wrote on 20 May 2020 01:22:

I do relate to this.

I would say trust your intuition about what the correct and practical thing to do is, and then have confidence in your decision. If after a while you see that perhaps you should reconsider your position, you can do so then.

Hope that helps somewhat. 

First of all, you are doing fantastic! Keep up the great work!
As far as your concern about healthy outlets like going to the park, I think the benefits far outweigh the negatives. Fresh air and exercise will make you feel better, not to mention when you exercise your brain releases dopamine which makes you feel happy (in a healthy amount, not flooding your brain like porn does).
I also think we have to realize that we don't live in a bubble and we need to train ourselves to look the other way when there is something triggering outside. I'm not saying to walk down Time Square but put in some earbuds and some good music and enjoy the fresh air. You'll find yourself even getting lost in yourself - almost an escape from reality, one that you can feel super proud of after!

I agree with this, but at the same time also have in mind what your committed to. Like for example, I've been trying to stay off my computer for 3 wweeks to not even get close to getting getting triggered hopefully. 
Eventually I found some interesting articles, and even shiurim that people sent me regarding this inyan that would give me Chizuk possibly... But that would require me to go on my computer.  
I made the calculation, and being lazed about going on my computer, even if it's for a shiur, especially when I took upon myself to use it less, may lead to something as a simple as Amazon... Which low and behold has a picture of some random woman model. 

Nit it necesarily for the long term, but I resolved that at least for now, maybe another week, I'll stay off my computer.... And see how that works for me (because it has until now). I also thought that if I was able to ask the rabbi who gave that shiur... To either listen and get some Chizuk, or stay off entirely I'm confident he would tell me option too. 

So as much as you have to be normal, and get exercise, use Internet for work etc., be truthful to yourself of what works for you... And even if it's something healthy (in my example a shiur) think about the cost benefit for the time being. 


Most oat of all, keep on posting and get feedback from others... To hear everyone's views and find your Emes... There's no better way