Day #10.
I hope this isn't becoming a pattern...
A few things different about the last ten days, than the previous two periods of ten days.
#1 - I have an accountability partner through the partner program.
#2 - I have an early morning
chavrusa (really early) and I have to get up. That means I have to go to bed at a somewhat reasonable hour. I try to be in bed on or around 11:00. That cuts out a lot of opportunity to "fall" as those late hours 11:30-2:00 are usually the hours when I haven "fallen."
I want to share with you all something about this early morning thing. I didn't arrange the
chavrusa in order to address pornography and masturbation. It was simply because I wanted a
chavrusa and with my professional responsibilities and my children home all the time (!!!) it is hard to focus in and be productive (on anything, let alone the holy Torah). A byproduct of the
chavrusa is that it has helped out in this other area. I found this to be a great
chizuk for my
emunah. I don't mean to say that if one learns Torah they will be saved from masturbation. My own experience in struggling throughout all of my Kollel years teaches me that this isn't so. However, I do see this byproduct of having an early morning
chavrusa as
min hashamayim.
The
Mesilas Yesharim comments that even if one would try to practice
zehirus, vigilance in observance, one would not be able to do so without help from
Hashem.
צופה רשע לצדיק ומבקש להמיתו וה' לא יעזבנו בידו
The evil one [evil inclination] stalks the righteous person and attempts to kill him, G-d doesn't forsake him [the righteous] in his [evil inclination] hand.
My success in all areas of life, not excepting mitzvah observance (including refraining from viewing pornography and masturbating) ultimately does not come from me. I have to try. I have to be vigilant. I have to think about what is the right path to take. But...
וה' לא יעזבנו בידו
It is ultimately
Hashem who will save me from the
Yetzer Hara. I wish for myself and all of those reading this that
Hashem should save us from the clutches of the
Yetzer Hara.