Snowflake wrote on 03 Aug 2020 14:48:

Courageous fellows like you who are willing to do whatever it takes are the ones that b'ezras Hashem break free. Ashreichem!

Agreed 100% doing the same, changes my life.
Getting help isn’t circumventing the Yetzer, but rather a tool in fighting it.

Hatzlocha!!

Hey guys, thank you for all the support. Just to make myself clear, I didn't go to the psychiatrist specifically because of my problem with P and M. Of course I mentioned it to him, but I also told him my whole life story and how did I feel on a day-by-day basis. He saw the P and M as one of the many symptoms of my anxiety disorder. So just wanted to point out I'm not advocating for meds straight out, but I do imagine many people in this forum may suffer from an anxiety disorder without knowing it and could greatly benefit from pharmacological treatment. I'm also not advocating to take meds to stop P and M. To be honest, I'm not sure I would do it just for the P and M problem. Although I can't deny they're helping me greatly. Just so you guys know, I was suffering from some level of insomnia, which was also one of my other symptoms. So my general quality of life was being affected, that's why I made this decision.
As I was saying in Trapped's thread, where I live, a psychiatrist is someone who is both a physician, a certified doctor, AND a therapist. So he is able to prescribe either meds or therapy or both. What I do recommend to anyone is to make an assessment with a psychiatrist. He may tell you you don't need any meds at all. But he might as well tell you you could greatly benefit from them as was my case. My point is, an assessment doesn't necessarily mean you are qualified for meds, but either way, it doesn't hurt to know. Again thank you all for my support, and please don't go buying these meds without a prescription from a serious doctor lol.

Keep up the great work!

B"H 2 months clean!
Thank you Hashem and thank you GYE family!
Not much to say... B"H doing what activities I really enjoy has been a great helping hand. Always being busy with what you enjoy is a great remedy.
30 days to go, Bez"H.

B"H day #64 clean, getting there Bez"H.
So, it turns out I still have urges and have slipped quite a bit by allowing myself to fantasize a bit and look innapropriately at female co-workers.
My anxiety medication has given me more time to respond to an urge or slip, but nevertheless I feel that I can't slip too much. Will try to keep the shemiras eiynaim and machshave more in check. But in the past, without the medication, it's quite possible I'd have fallen already, so I'm glad it's helping but on the other hand, I need to be more careful.
Other than that B"H no close-calls or whatnot.

This problem of feeling too confident is one  I suffer from as well. When I am in a great streak sometimes I literally feel as if I beat the whole issue. I feel confident that I will never have a struggle again, right and wrong is crystal clear and I successfully distanced myself from obstacles. 

But... suddenly I'll see a woman or an "innocent" picture and I go from zero to sixty in less than three seconds like a well tuned sports car. Vrooom!!!!

I liken lust to a sleeping wild animal. One can get lulled into a false sense of safety and security by its peaceful appearance. But, wake it with the gentlest of prods, and suddenly it transforms and morphs into a ferocious snarling beast, all former traces of serenity completely obliterated. 

I learned that I must treat our good friend lust with the same kid gloves when I am on an upswing and confident, as when I'm out of my depth. 

                                     Grant

Hey guys, B"H, back from vacation.
Day #74 clean
Not much to say, the meds have really helped with the urges. I can't say they're non-existent. They are still there, but they "move" much slower. It feels like now I have the time to apply mindfulness or other techniques. In the past they were almost unbearable. In these 10 days there certainly were some triggers. But I feel the meds have bought me valuable time to carefully evaluate the situations as they have arisen and B"H have managed to keep sober without great efforts.
Thanks for the support!

Hi Snowflake. It's a real joy to read your story. The positivity on this thread is really contagious!

What happens if you sometimes miss your medication? I hear this happens regularly, even for people taking life-saving heart medication. I'm confident you'd still put up a big fight, but I wouldn't want you to end up in a situation more difficult than necessary. It would be a shame if it resulted in a fall. I don't want to make a problem out of nothing, but I hear skipping medication is a real thing.

B"H Day #77 clean
@Aaron
Hey, Aaron thanks for the compliment! I'm on paroxetine and it has the worst sudden-discontinuation side-effects. I actually had to be off the meds on Tisha B'Av due to the tzom and what it resulted in was a very painful headache, but B"H no sudden anxiety. Just felt really bad. So if I just stop I guess I'll know immediately. But as I've mentioned before, the meds are an important part of my tools, but only one of them. B"H I was managing to keep clean without the meds too and I still use these same tools, i.e. kosher phone throughout the day, agressive shemiras einayim, etc.

I wanted to share a machshave that came up to me these days... So... on motzaei shabbos I was studying about bees. Why? Don't ask me, I guess I was bored lol. So I what I found out was quite shocking. I kinda knew bees die if they sting you, generally. But what I didn't know is that when the drone bee (male) mates with the queen bee it immediately dies. The whole process lasts up to 5 seconds. It looks like it's phallus is severed right after the process (ouch). And I also found out bees are extremely smart, they live in society, cooperate, breed their own queens, etc. So I'm almost positive the drone bee knows it's gonna die right after mating. They're smart, not dumb. When I saw this I thought to myself how mad these drones are. They hastily go to their own deaths just to satisfy one single deadly desire. Why is that? Then it came to me, my G-d aren't we the same? In Dov's own words, we are ready to be moser nefesh over this desire. We're ready to sacrifice ourselves, our families, everything for that one moment of deadly pleasure. How insane is that, right?
Have a clean week everyone.

B"H day #81
Getting there Beezras Hashem Yisbarach!
What has been really helping me is being busy, not just with work, but sports, Torah, personal projects etc. When you always have something you're thrilled to do or at least something that has to be done urgently and you can't ignore, you don't have the time to think bad thoughts. Like the famous Rashi with the commentary of the Lubavitcher Rebbe in Bereishis: "Ha bor reik ein bo mayim". "The well [into which Yosef was thrown into by his brothers] was empty, it didn't have water". Rashi says: if it was empty, don't I know there wasn't any water there? i.e. why the redundancy? Says Rashi, mayim ein bo, aval akravim venechashim yesh bo (it didn't have water but it did have scorpions and snakes). Same with our mind, says the Rebbe. If it's empty, scorpions and snakes come inside.
So I feel like, before embarking on this 90 day journey, I wasn't living the life I wanted to live, doing the things I love, and with goals I really wished to achieve (not just in Torah). Now I feel much more focused and whenever I have free time I use it do things I love and that move me closer towards my personal goals.
Have a clean and wonderful Shabbos everyone!

B"H Day #87
B"H Clean. Still have an urge or another here and there, and when they come, the meds really help me control myself and allow me at least some time to do another activity or think something else. In the past the urges were very strong and my anxiety almost gave me no time frame to think or do something else.

Getting there Bez"H. To be honest I'm still keeping track of the count, but trying not to value it too much. So many people get to 90 then lose motivation then C"V fall. I'm trying to think that everyday is day #90. If I can be just clean for today, that's a huge win.

Thank you all for the support.

Hey guys,

B"H day #93 clean. I wish I could celebrate lol. The urges have been relentless, from last night to today. Were it not for my anxiety medication I'd have fallen for sure. The thought of acting out has crossed my mind at least 10 times from yesterday to today, in different settings, ways, and what not. Like I said before, not only the medicine makes me calmer, but it allows me a bit of a larger time frame to think before acting and that's what allowed me to fight back a bit. Still, I almost fell last night. B"H I managed to just stall the Y"H all the while, convincing myself I'd indeed do it but later or avoiding engaging the terrorist altogether. But it wasn't easy I'll tell ya. One would think that after 90 days things get easier. They do but by no means you're off the hook!
May we all have a clean week!